Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone.
I’m very proud mummy to my son who is yet to be told he has autism but I have been told he is border line which I have no idea which that mean. I feel like I’ve got no where to turn as the family around me think it’s normal and he will be fine. He has recently had a visit from the child development team and I do t where to go from here. He has been lashing out at other children at his nursery and which I’ve told them he does like to left alone when they said he struggling to make friends and has no interest in making friends, and I’ve said if they get too much he will lash out and they seem not to take any interest in me. Is this just me or have other parents has this too? I’m scared he isn’t going get the help that he need through out his life. I’ve also been told it’s a 2 year waiting list before he has his final assessment and that’s what is scary to me as he isn’t getting any help that he needs
sorry to put so much but I just do t on where to turn anymore
I tend to think border line means they can't categorically say that he's definitely got autism yet and they want to be sure it isn't anything else causing the behaviour before he is diagnosed ie through the assessments. It baffles me how the waiting list can be so long when only 1% of the population has autism.
I'm not a parent so I cant advise from that side of things but as he is under assessment, when he starts school they will have to take his needs into account. I would make sure the school he will be attending knows that he likely has autism and all about his needs. They still have to put support in if he is being assessed as they have to show they are meeting his needs but they will be limited until the diagnosis comes through. Nurseries I think have less dealings with this sort of thing. My only suggestion there would be to see if there are any nurseries that may meet his needs more. If not then sit down with the nursery and make it very clear what his needs are. If all he wants to do is play by himself then I don't see that's a particularly big ask on the nurseries part.
Good luck.
Thank you for your reply and I know it’s crazy, they told me it’s a staff shortage. And I’ve told them about he liking his own space but they want me to talk to him because these children in his nursery will be going up with him when he goes into reception but I don’t see no harm in him doing his own thing as he does it at home and he is happy doing.
I understand their logic, if he is going to continue in mainstream school then yes he will need to learn tolerance of other children and it will probably help him in later life to develop social skills. And he will at some point need to develop strategies to try to avoid lashing out.
But..... he is in nursery! He has years to work on these things. He may not yet have the understanding to listen about this. Some autistic children prefer their own company and I see no issue with that at his age.
If the nursery are that determined then they should do a short structured activity in which he is expected to interact with other children but if he is just playing, I really think they should leave him to it.
It may be worth asking your doctor or whoever is dealing with his referral for assessment to write a letter explaining that he has autistic tendencies and is awaiting assessment and perhaps listing the key things he struggles with, like people being in his space.