9 year old son

You Must take him to your GP, FIRSTLY.  An authoritative  medical and other Reports are most important for you. ASAP.  The School is only interested in how they can cope with his educational problems. within their immediate budget.. Until they eventually get a decision in years to come, they have no real responsibility. He will then be in secondary education and you start again.

He is not a BAD child. 

You must make him aware that he is loved by you and others.

You need help from the State NOW probably coming to a crisis point at your wits end. As you are most Probably a Carer 24x7 less time at school.That's  at least 133 hrs a week.

If so you should be illegible for Carers allowance for 35 hrs a week care. This should I believe also carry a National Insurance dispensation for a stay at home carer, for this you must make your own inquiries..

A Blue Badge for your son to be transported, This will need medical evidence, such as if you need to control of your son when out. and about, and if his movements can be unpredictable such as dropping down and having meltdowns, or a risk to himself  or possible others.for any, or or no reason and having a tantrum that would appear to the un-informed as being BAD for no reason, you already describe restraint when he is held to calm him down of yourself not being strong enough. He could escape to danger otherwise.

He may need your GP to prescribe Medication with the authority of a specialist doctor who should also examine your son.

. You will need to keep a diary as to any happens as to his mobility needs or control. such as refusal to move.

He needs:  A proper care assessment by your  local authority,

You  Need: A statement of your needs as Carers Needs, Possible respite.

You will have an up hill fight for the rest of your lives against the Powers that be trying to protect their Budgets. My own experience going over the last 20 years has been horrendous with Local authority Officers, avoiding by any means possible in funding their responsibilities.

In my case, this includes several complete breakdowns in my health.with this and other pressures. Just keep fighting and don't give up.

You are an Unrecognised Unpaid Carer of Last Resort, as I suspect you are.  You will always have  to step up to the mark when at a moments notice when ever the Local Authority Officers fail in their Duty, 

They have paid  Holidays for at least 4 weeks a Year with at least 8 days public holidays. Evenings and Weekends off, and flextime working. You do not.

You should seek out your local CAB office and ask for advice, 

You should Contact your Local MP's, Public Officials who need your Vote, when times get really hard to  fight back. There is also The Ombudsman, but they only deal with a current situation, always get CAB advice when stuck..

Your son may need later the services of a specialist Solicitor the CAB will no doubt advise if needed eventually..

I refer you to Carers UK website They have a special day next Friday for Carers awareness of your right to have a carers assessment of your need by the Local authority,

Good luck for you and your son.

Thanks guy. His primary school are sending him for an assecment they said it can take up 2 to 2 years . I also have a 6 year old and a 1 year old who don't understand me myself I don't fully understand when he was younger he was classed as the BAD child at his old school so I moved him and we are getting great support at his new one . Just going 2 take each day as I come me and his dad know we will have 2 change our whole lives way of thinking handling him ect . We will get there in the end he's just a sweet boy when he wants to be but he's bigger for his age and trying to hold him 2 calm him down he's far 2 big for me I am only 4ft11. Thanks guys good to talk 2 other people who knows stuff and can also help xx

Your son appears to be having difficulty in coping in his school and home. That would indicate he does has a problem and should see a specialist Doctor. Ask your GP if he will refer him to a pediatriatic specialist who may refer him even further to a visiting specialist. 

if it can be shown he has a Problem (as He seems to have ) The school will have to accommodate.him.

Any way you should start praising him, as I expect you do . Always be positive, .Tell him lots of others are wanting him to feel happy. .

My adult son has never been able to tie his shoe laces. My wife's solution was to buy him shoes with a special lace toggle this only requires him to pull the toggle and a simple motion or press a button to release it, so to remove them..Just had a look - They are XA3D Ultra Adventure Trail  maker SALOMON (website) Probably from Millets, a bit expensive, It is best to see in a shop if you can. There must be others , if that is a help..

As a point of Interest for others I Referred to this during his PIP Scoring as he needed special foot wear.

I would say he has some autistic behaviors, it would seem he needs to know and predict with certainty when something is going to happen in his life. This is probably why an unexplained event will trigger a melt down, if he tries to pin you down to an event time,  always give your self some slack as going past an expected event time can be traumatic.

My daughter presents with a lot of these behaviours, almost all actually. She is 8 and was diagnosed around 3 months ago.

Go with your gut instinct and if your worried take him the gp.

Good luck with everything xx