Published on 12, July, 2020
hi there I’m new to this site... my 16 year old son was diagnosed on Friday... the struggles we have had since he was two years old have been awful... getting the diagnosis alone has been a very stressful journey, I had to take him out of school when he was 14 and I home educated him... were still trying to home educate now but are taking a break due to the diagnosis and letting him get his head around it... I just don’t understand what’s next... also I’m angry he has had to suffer most of his school life and being labelled the naughty kid... the support I’ve had lately has been pretty good just wish it was like that years ago so things could have been put in place for him and he could have completed school. Thanks for reading
Hi there, I have only just signed on here, but I wanted to just let you know NAS3294 that I totally know where you are coming from as we have had a similar experience. Our 14yo son was just diagnosed on the spectrum this week and we finally have some answers, but not without years of pain in the education system, with all the blame being put on him and us as parents.
It is very hard when you are wracking your brains for ways to make things work and doing your utmost as a parent and repeatedly fed the message that it's an attitude problem on his part and a parenting deficit on ours. We were lucky that our first son was NT, so I knew it wasn't bad parenting - even though I had to keep reminding myself that when my confidence was being battered.
But it also is upsetting to know all the wasted years of schooling where he sat behind his desk achieving nothing. We are still hanging in there in the education system, and now I have a diagnosis we have something concrete to take to them, and we will be getting all the help we can to make sure he is heard and treated with respect. Fortunately where I am, I have been put in touch with an education department consultant who can advocate to the school on our behalf, so I am hoping things will be much better from now on.
At the very least the teachers can no longer get away with their assessment that "you're just not trying" or "you just don't care so I will put my time into the 29 other kids who do" - which was said recently by a teacher who I had thought, because of what I had seen of her elsewhere, would be more understanding.
We were also lucky that a more helpful primary school teacher he had from 8-10 noticed that he would be good at performing (we already knew he had great potential musically) and got him into the school play - ever since then he has been heavily involved in musical theatre where he can move, express the things that he is really good at, and his quirkiness is appreciated. Even so it is still a challenge.
NAS39306 - there will be help, I hope for you too, where I am it is through the national organisation representing autism. With a diagnosis you have some solid information to present to your school. Keep looking for support.
I just wanted to let you know about our Education Rights Service who provide information, support and advice on educational provision and entitlements. Please see the following link for further information: http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/education-rights.aspx
Regards,
Kerri-Mod
Its so hard i feel your pain, when my family support worker (who has been amazing and i don't know where id be without her!) came round yesterday morning we sat there and cried... she cant believe how hes been treated and how different things could have been, all i can advise is keep pushing and to be honest all i know thats happening next is someone will be in touch... camhs visited us at home about 6 months ago and said "if he ever gets diagnosed" i flipped and said no if about it its WHEN, its sounds as if your us 2 years ago... go to the school and make sure they know he diagnosed, i did the right thing in taking him out as hes definitely less stressed, good luck and take care
Hello. My son was just diagnosed last week at 14. But no one is telling us what to do next! It has been a struggle ever since he went to school. He is still at mainstream school but his attendance is terrible and they treat us as a PROBLEM. We have struggled for years to get support and my son is so exhausted and stressed out all the time due to being misunderstood. School is a minefield - always something going wrong or getting in trouble. he feels like he is bad and will be punished. I just joined this site and found your post. I feel for you as it sounds like we are having a similar journey. Sometimes it helps to know there are other people out there with the same troubles. Take care.
Your Education authority should provide specialist education for your Autistic son up until 19 or thereabouts and your council access to further training after that. It would seem that your child's school has achieve their object and got him out of the way and the burden on to you.
He should be statemented. even at this late stage. And the council should provide the Education. Remember you have an M.P. while they may not solve your problem , Just the Knowledge that an M.P. is looking over the shoulder of a council officer is useful.
They may not want to pay for that and may try to avoid doing so, If you do not agree with any decisions you can appeal to the Ombudsman. You have to do this as soon as possible after a decision. My Council sat on making a decision 18 years ago (as they said they would, after I had said I will appeal) for something like 18 months until any decision was worthless even to appeal. I recall speaking to the Ombudsman's office on the phone, but I was stumped because they said "You cannot appeal a non decision." Today I believe the Council has to give you a decision in about two weeks to prevent what was a common practice.18 years ago to avoid the cost.