Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi! I’m over 60 and recently diagnosed ASD. I’ve spent an awful life of being misdiagnosed and even incarcerated, due to the psychiatric services in the second half of the 20th Century having rigid ideas about what mental illness is. Or what it isn’t. Now they can’t get their heads around ASD, and PTSD caused largely by their mistreatment, actually causes depression. They don’t even understand ‘are you hearing voices?’ leads the the logical conclusion ‘Yes. Yours!’ I see the funny side now. Over 45 years too late. I am a whole person, with positive as well as negative attributes. Psychiatrists really do seem incapable of seeing anything other than negatives in patients, in my experience. I think things are improving for the young generation. How many other lost people like me were there? How many are still out there? How do we learn at such a late stage to help ourselves be the best version of ourselves we can be? I am a successful, musical, empathetic person. I am at last finding my wings, like a teenager in a body falling apart!!!! I would love to support other people. And I think it’s so important to each be ourselves. The kids at school these days think they are being so individual ..... yet they all want the same phone/trainers etc. I do believe people should learn to be more tolerant of differences. But what do I know? I’m a 17 year old trapped in a sixty plus year body.
Hi I am so glad I read this today....Diagnosed aged 45 after a lifetime of feeling isolated and scared....Came from an abusive family and now have Ptsd also.....I struggle with Agoraphobia/Panic attacks Social anxiety and ended up in hospital 2 weeks before I was diagnosed with the Psychiatrist laughing at me for even suggesting I may be Autistic....The part were you said u feel like a 17yr old trapped in a sixty year plus body really resonates with me.....I even still dress like a teenager lol....so I still don't ever fit in with my peers and probably never will.....I feel lost...I am trying to know thyself as they say but finding it so difficult...I feel like I don't exist if that makes sense....
It’s not easy NAS24838 but it is soooooooooooo worth it, to get to know thyself.
You’ve made the intention therefore it will happen and when it does you will experience heaven on earth and all that that entails, meaning, life will then be exactly as you want it to be. Good luck my friend.
And yes, that makes perfect sense ~ I feel like I don’t exist ~ because in truth, we don’t, until we get to know ourselves and the first step is to intend that this is what we’re going to do.
It can be a crazy roller coaster of a journey but when you get there, you realise that it was all worth it.
You guys are all older than me! I’m only 13 and a boy in a female body!!! Lol! But I’ve unleashed the boy and we’re happy together haha, I’ve just realised, maybe that’s why I don’t need anybody else in my life, I’m already both girl and boy and we seem to make the perfect match!
Hi NAS24838, you’re right, I’m very content and happy to be me; however, that wasn’t always the case. If you look back over some of my previous posts, you will see that my journey has been far from all love and light and pink candy floss. There were some very dark times along the way and even on here at one point, I became public enemy number one! Lol! Rejected and terrorised by my own people!
But I made it and like you, I had masked so well for the majority of my life that I had lost myself completely. However, there lies the secret. It turned out, that I HAD to lose myself to find myself and right here, the very place where you are now starting your journey, is where I started mine.
I couldn’t have done it without the tremendous amount of support that I received from this group and through being a part of this group.
Get in touch with your local authority and get them to find out where the adult autistic support groups are in your area. It was the best thing I ever did. I didn’t actually search for one. It happened by accident ~ or was it an accident? I had never even considered such a thing!
I was in town, going to my first job centre appointment after they moved me from ESA to Universal Credit and I started to have a meltdown on my way there. So I walked into the nearest shop and simply announced, I’m autistic, I’m having a meltdown, I need some help. And a voice said, seemingly from nowhere, oh, my son’s autistic and he’s stood over there, go and talk to him. So I did, and he calmed me down almost instantly and told me about a group that he goes to for autistic people. I managed to make my way to the job centre, only to melt down again, big time! I thought I heard the woman say I had to look for a job and I went crazy, telling them that there was no way I was going to look for a job. The woman tried to calm me down and brought the manager over to me to reassure me and confirm that they were not going to try and make me look for a job!
Anyway, I started going to the group and I loved it. However, it is now, slowly, turning into far more than just a lovely time once a week with people who are just like me.
My support worker said to me that it’s important that I keep in touch with these people. I didn’t know why, because as I have said elsewhere, I have no need for other people in my life.
However, I trust my support worker so I followed what she said and I have since met my friend (the guy who introduced me to the group), twice, outside of the group, and Whoah ~ I wasn’t expecting what was about to happen next!
I have since started to make an effort to go to the group more regularly, even when I don’t feel up to it, and I’ve started to form a real friendship with these people. It’s truly extraordinary because I have never desired this, I didn’t even know what a friendship was. Sure, I did the faking it thing and appeared to have friends but deep down these relationships were more about me ‘fitting in’ than real friendships.
But with thanks to my support worker, I am finally understanding, through experience, what the benefits to friendships really are.
I have found that they’re not an essential or vital part of our (or at least ‘my’) experience but they certainly add an element that I am so glad I found and they certainly make life a lot more enjoyable in a way that I couldn’t experience without them. They are finding a true place in my heart and in my life. They’re my family now, although I had to giggle when I was out with them the other day, because apart from me and my friend (only two of us boys [our little gang] were there that day) - they are all, actually, part of the same family! Lol! They’re bigger than a football team! But I’m a part of that now and to be honest, I’m still floating on the cloud of happiness of what this brings to my life. I don’t think I’ve even fully processed it all yet.
My AP worker said, when I met her yesterday, that it was the first time I had smiled as I walked in. We thought it might have something to do with the meeting not being at the job centre anymore ~ the last 3 times I’ve been in there I have nearly been thrown out. The more comfortable I am being me, the less tolerant I seem to be of things I find difficult. And without intention, as soon as I step into that place I start kicking off! But I think my smile, is also to do with the growing friendships in my life.
I lived like an nt for 50 years and it rendered me barely able to leave my bed, for more than 12 months. I never thought I would be suicidal again, after getting my diagnosis ~ how wrong was I!
The depth of pain, loneliness and despair, at times, was immense and intense, but it brought me to a place I could honestly not have ever imagined.
I’m not a religious person, but Jesus, (whoever he was or whatever he/it was) was right when he said that we have to know ourselves and seek first the kingdom of heaven to receive all that it has and is.
I’ll always be a traveller, but I also know that these people aren’t going anywhere and we’re connected by a golden thread that can’t be broken, so even as I travel the country/world, I will always come back to spend time with my family. It’s bizarre but I like it. So yeah, I absolutely encourage you to find a group and if you can’t find one, start one. There’s a ton of money and support out there to help get these types of groups up and running, so you need only a desire and you will be supported with the rest.
Welcome to your journey and I trust you will find this group and the wonderful members of it, as supportive as I have. It’s been a pleasure chatting with you.
Thanks BlueRay....Good to hear from someone who walks this journey :) It is a crazy roller coaster...I have masked for so long that I have lost my very self....Youre so right...we need to know who we are....I really haven't had a clue were to start...I guess this is a good place with all u lovely people :) I wish there was some groups that cater for adults it would be good to finally meet like minded people....I have lived like an NT and its left me exhausted...and they still don't get me haha....You sound very content with being u and that's a great thing....