I have just had a diagnosis and feel quite confused

Hi Scorpion, yes that seems to be the case with my son. If we ask him how to spell a word, he can spell it.  When he is writing a paragraph he spells really simple words wrong, and it sometimes doesnt make much sense at all.  (He is aged 8 and only just diagnosed).   Will ring the Autistic line next week to see what the best steps are to help him, whether it be a school thing, or someone has mentioned an Occuptional Therapist???  It also appears that he really can't be bothered to write, but that may be a boy thing, or that his head is full of the stuff he wants to write.....or Pokemon, or the program of the month! x

I can relate to the 'thoughts going faster than he can write' thing (or however it was put).

And, I saw Tony Attwood give a talk a while ago where he mentioned something that may relate to this. But which seems to come at it from a completely different angle. He said that we, on the spectrum, seem not to see words and letters as, well, words and letters, but rather as 'shapes', and so, when writing, we have to concentrate so hard on getting the shape right that we can't also think about what it is we're writing.

Or maybe, and I would say it seems this way for me, it's that our thoughts race ahead whilst our hands are still trying to form the correct shapes of the earlier words.

I've learnt to slow my thoughts down when I write anything by hand, but I remember a time, and it still happens occasionally, where I'd read back what I'd written and there would whole paragraphs of text missing - and I could have sworn I wrote it, but evidently didn't.

Typing seems to be easier, but it may just be that I'm able to type much faster than I can hand-write.

Oh yes, I often jump up and down in public too, though I manage not to hand flap (I think??)  I also pace when stressed or I need to think.  Also a long walk helps me, it seems to release energy.

When exited I run really fast from hallway into kitchen, skidding along floor, and I jump up and down, hand flap, and laugh. I don't usually do this in public unless extremely excited and then all inhibitions cease. When stressed I walk in circles and pace, and am not always aware I am doing it, but  when I realise what I am doing I stop immediately. I pace or rock almost unconsciously.

Kalojaro, I can totally relate to what you're saying about fidgeting.  I'm also a compulsive fidgeter and can't sit still.  Usually it's my hair which I twiddle but I've now cut it short.  but if I'm talking to someone I'll fidget under the table where it can't be seen.  Also when I get excited I get up and run from one end of the room to the other or I hand flap.  I'm not even aware of my doing it and often catch myself in the act. Luckily I don't do this in public.

I read a comment on another forum that a corkscrew is the best thing to fidget with, but I personally would recommend Greek worry beads

I learnt to read very early. I could read so fast, but with little comprehension. I did not learn my ABCs until I was 7, despite reading fluently. At age 10 my mechanical reading age was tested as 15, my comprehension that of an 8 year old.

For some reason, most of the time I have two or three things going on in my mind. When I was little, I used to say it was like my brain was divided, one half was the clever writing answering questions part, and I would nearly always 'live' in the fantasy dreamland half where I'm thinking about all the things from TV shows or having my own little adventures. I don't even really dream anymore, I just elaborate on tv shows or movies I've watched, like creating another series and such as opposed to the chaos that many others describe as their dreams.

Thinking back, my ability to multi-task in my mind is probably the only reason I did well in school, one exam I swore I fell asleep only to 'wake up' and realise I'd written about two paragraphs of the best writing ever. I have no idea how it works really, just that it did.

The dictaphone sounds like a great idea to me. Lately my handwriting's been getting even worse in note form so I've been considering getting one for Uni. It would let him get something off his mind without worrying that he won't remember it. Alternatively, maybe you could look into this Dragon programme I've heard about, apparently, you speak into a microphone on the computer and the computer converts the words into text, allowing you to 'write' the story just by speaking it.

Thanks and good luck :)

I've tried the homeless, drug addled painful woe is me side of Aspergers and enjoyed it at the time.

Then I met a girl, we had babies and i fashioned a succesful digital media career.

Neither suited me really, the more I tried to normalise myself the more ill I became.

So now work freelance and live as an open eccentric. I think I spotted the irony of caring what other people think when your condition should really exclude that.

I put myself in uncomfortable situations, with the support of my Wife, regularly as part of being a Dad and Husband. Never gets any easier but thats the choice i made, to be in society.

Thank you Kalojaro!

Now I know why you seem so level headed - your a girl! (for some reason, I assumed you were a boy - sorry!)

My son is ok with his reading to be fair, its just his writing/spelling that is the problem. He is in the lowest spelling group, but always knows his spellings by the second day of learning them, ready for a test the week later.  It just seems to be his inability to concentrate enough to remember them when actually writing a sentence. 

As for drawing.......well, bless his wonderful heart, your cat could probably draw better!   They are really basic with no thought.  Again, almost as though he can't wait to finish it.  He draw a house the other day.   It had a sort of rounded, retangular base, with a rounded, triangular roof.....thats it.....no windows, and no door....so I don't think drawings for him....

His teachers always say if he could write down his ideas, he'd be a genious!  If he tells a story that he has made up, with such descriptive words, they are brilliant.....just a shame he then can't write it down.  The teacher says he could do with a dictaphone to capture his fantastic ideas.  Its almost as though is brain goes to fast for his pen!

He's never expressed any interest in music, but I am going to mention it to the school head, to see if she could give him a piano lesson.  If he doesn't like it, no problem, if he does, we save like mad for a piano!

I like your keyring idea.  I will give that one some thought.

Did you find that "twiddled" in your head in school lessons.  We wonder if thats why he can't concentate because his head is fully of pokemon or what ever it is he is into at that time.

Thanks again, and good luck at Uni! xx

Hi Ballerina,

Thanks for the compliment xD Theres quite a lot of people on here who're positive about autism and I've mostly just compiled my arguement based on their and my experiences, overall, everything has its pros and cons, where some people fail, others exceed, but we can all help each other as long as both sides learn to compromise and have fun. :)

When I was little, my mum taught me to write my name before I went to nursery, I also learned my home number. I didn't see the letters as letters as such, more funny shapes, like, S looks like a stick figure snake. It took a while for me to grasp putting all the little pictures together to make a sentence as my parents discovered when they found I wasn't reading my bedtime book, merely repeating it directly from memory.

As I got older, mum tried teaching me ways of saying the words as I spell them, like 'cat'. Ca-t. I began learning by the sounds they make (phonetics) and soon became the best speller in my year group. Like when I have to spell what, I always say in my head 'w-hat' or my current (and persistant) word that I struggle to spell, business, 'bus-i-ness'. Because the words sound funny when you pronounce them that way, I usually devote most of my mind to spelling it out (my friends and I have cracked up over 'cheese' before, just because we took turns dragging out the letters to make it sound hilarious).

Before I was diagnosed I'd always cling to a cat and pet them (they learned to tolerate me over the years) or twiddle my hair. Unfortunately, shortly after I was diagnosed with Aspergers my school upped the pressure about exams, which lead to me developing alopecia (my hair started falling out in patches) so we desperately had to find an alternative thing to twiddle when I'm out and about (its coming back now I've finished exams and left school, so its all good).

Thats when I bought some fur tails/scraps online and made them into a keyring, with different textures I could play with when I felt like it. I used to wear it as a necklace but as you imagine, that got me a lot of negative attention, so, I bought a keychain online, and I strung it up through the belt loops on my trousers and clipped the fur scraps to the chain. Because its below my waist, most people I interact with don't notice it, or see when I reach down and start twiddling some fur with my hand.

Twiddling/stroking things is what I do between doing things. I always feel comforted by having more than one thing going on at once, i.e. having the tv on while I draw or while I'm on the laptop. I'm not sure why, I just feel so restless when I have something to think about, and beyond pacing around (which I still do but have cut down on a lot as I've gotten older) twiddling or petting an animal is the only way to keep me happily in one place. And like your son, after watching any movies or cartoons I like (Pokemon remains a favourite xD) I either run off to pace to think about all that I've just seen, or go twiddle/annoy a cat because I get so excited and caught up in the feelings of the characters I relate to.

I'm not sure its possible to cut down on the twiddling as such, but in school I always used to doodle on a scrap bit of paper when I wasn't playing with my hair, maybe ask if your son has any hobbies such as drawing he could fall back on when he feels the need to keep his hands busy? My little cousin always flaps his hands or drums his fingers on the table as a way of keeping himself busy, so I guess twiddling isn't for everyone. I have had him climb on my back to play with my hair when I get it cut though , so perhaps getting your lad a scrap of fabric he likes the feel of to play with would stop him going after so many different 'twiddle things'. Since my fur scraps I've found that playing with bits of string or even elastic bands aren't even half as comforting because I've 'imprinted' as such on the fur scraps. The need to keep change to a minimum probably contributed to this, as my fur scraps have become a constant in my life, I now carry them everywhere with me.

I don't think you should worry much about your son being noticed in a negative way for his differences at primary really. I got noticed mostly because I am anything but a girly girl, and am more like a boy as I've gotten older (short hair, into action cartoons like Pokemon and Transformers, adores dragons, hates pink stuff and dresses) which seemed to confuse the other kids in the last few years of primary and in the beginning of high school.

From what I've learned, many young aspies will be brutally honest in their friend choices, if they don't like someone, they won't play with them, if they do, that person has pretty much earned a friend for life. As long as the kids learn to value this friendship, your boy will have people prepared to defend him from the ignorant kids and in return they'll have a friend they can always rely on to be themselves.

Hope all this helps, and good luck. :)

Hi Kalojaro,

I came across one of your replies when having a general browse through the "community", and found your positivity so uplifting that I had a look at some of your other replies.

My son, aged 8, has just been diagnosed as having mild aspergers - if there is such a thing as "mild". At the moment, he mixes really well with other children and has lots of friends, but I obviously worry that they may start to notice his differences.

He is a very witty boy and has always had adult humour, which makes him great company for us, and I think he does make his school friends laugh too.

His main issues are his "twiddling" and his school work.  The teachers, and cub leaders all say he is very clever and often gets answers correct in group discussions, while other children struggle, however, he is really behind with his writing.  He recently had to write what he had done that day and wrote "I wet wiv.............." this was supposed to say "I went with".  When we ask him how to spell "went" he can spell it correctly, when we ask how to spell "with" he can spell it correctly, and always gets his spelling tests right, but when he has to concentrate and string a scentance together, it all seems to go out of the window.  It is almost though his mind is full of other "stuff" that he can't be bother to concentrate for long enough to write a sentance.  Did you ever have problems like this, or were you always quite academic.

Also, you mention taking something out with you like a comforter.  My son would "twiddle" belts, straps on bags, strips of paper, all the time if we let him.  He seems to watch a tv program (pokemon is a favourate) at the moment, then go and "twiddle" aobut it. Its not a comforting thing to him as such, more a hobby, enjoyment.  It is his way of playing.  Can you relate to this and if so, can you try to explain the "need" so that I can better understand my son.  Also, if you had any habbits/obsessions like this, did they get better over time, or do they always stay with you.  Can you suggest anyway I could limit his "twiddling" without making it seem like a negative.

Sorry if I appear to be prying, but having read some of your comments, you seem like a real nice level headed chap.  I really like the "different, not less" comment.  It is so true.  My son is the most wonderful, well mannered little boy I know.  He wouldnt hurt a fly and I am so lucky to have him, quirks and all! x

Inferior? .....ok, lets add it up:

Cons:

• Struggling to fit in with people who turn on each other and make up within days over petty things, who value being sociable and going out over hard work, and who prefer spending hours talking about how they look and petty tv shows as opposed to intelligent conversation.

Pros:

• Being an individual, which most Neuro-typicals seem to adore anyway i.e. the gays, the excentric best friend, the person you can rely on for quiz trivia etc.

• Less stress. Why worry about fitting in so much if you know its not your fault? Might as well get on with enjoying life and not bother, theres no way you can change you entire persona and be happy about it.

• More support, but only when you need it. I was forced to admit to myself that asking for help wasn't a weakness, and since then as an individual, I've come along in leaps and bounds. I'm more confident and even more sociable, because the SEN at school would run through conversations with me and help me understand what people might react negatively or positively to. i.e. slowing down speech but remaining a bit 'cheeky' in tone variations.

And for the summary, inferior? Average student at school: 3 or 4 A-B grades at GCSE and B-C grades at A level.

Me, strange kid with Aspergers who's never fully fit in: Helped every kid that sat next to me get up to a B or A in their subject, 4 A's and 3 A*'s at GCSE, and predicted A's in my A levels.

As they say, doo da, doo da.

To quote from the Temple Grandin movie, about a famous autistic woman:

'Different, not less'.

We're the ones who can bring a new perspective to things, can spend hours finding cures for diseases, crack impossible maths problems, make beautiful art out of something most might overlook and much much more. Historians are starting to believe that many of the worlds pioneers were autistic, such as Einstein.

And if that doesn't convince you that we're not inferior, look at all the people society admires, all the celebrities that will be remembered for years to come, why are they revered? Because they're different.

Yes, we have to compromise to an extent to be accepted into society, but in turn, they must compromise to accept you as an individual.

NAS8954 said:

I did not receive my Asperger's diagnosis until June 2011 (well into my 40s) and had spent all my life going against what is natural for me and trying to "fit in".  Whilst it is possible to "fit in" up to a point, it is never going to be easy.  Since my diagnosis, I have been trying just to do what is natural for me and this is working: the change will not be complete in a short period because of the habit of trying to "fit in".

Exactly.

It's not so much about 'changing' vs 'accepting who you are', Sam, as 'struggling' (to fit in) vs 'being who you are'.

We can learn strategies to help us cope with everyday life, but at the end of the day, we're still the same person, still autistic.

Embrace that, and learn just to be yourself.

Similarly to caretwo, I only received my diagnosis a couple of years ago, and am approaching 40, and so have also been struggling, against my nature, to 'fit in', all my life, but, day by day, I'm learning to just be me, it's not easy, and I still have bad days, but I'm much happier now than I ever was before my diagnosis.

Thank you for your reply Scorpion.   I feel quite isolated so it was lovely to hear from you and to have your positive comments about Aspergers.  I have ADHD too and I have got my head round that, and would not want to not have ADHD now, but I am struggling to feel the same with this!  Maybe it will take time. Can I change my black/white thinking, the difficulty with relationships and not understading or having time for the social skills, looking at people directly, coping with change better or do I accept those parts of myself as ok and stop trying to change? Thank you.  

Hi Sam,

Firstly welcome to the forums.

Secondly, "lesser person"?! From the sound of it you're at the higher-functioning or Asperger's end of the spectrum, and, as an Aspie myself, I say "What rubbish!" - sure one will never 'recover from it', but why would one want to!?

Being a high-functioning autistic is a positive, not a negative! The only negatives are caused by all the unthinking, uncaring, neurotypicals that we're surrounded by! And I would much rather be the person I am than a neurotypical.