I have just had a diagnosis and feel quite confused

Hi Ballerina,

Thanks for the compliment xD Theres quite a lot of people on here who're positive about autism and I've mostly just compiled my arguement based on their and my experiences, overall, everything has its pros and cons, where some people fail, others exceed, but we can all help each other as long as both sides learn to compromise and have fun. :)

When I was little, my mum taught me to write my name before I went to nursery, I also learned my home number. I didn't see the letters as letters as such, more funny shapes, like, S looks like a stick figure snake. It took a while for me to grasp putting all the little pictures together to make a sentence as my parents discovered when they found I wasn't reading my bedtime book, merely repeating it directly from memory.

As I got older, mum tried teaching me ways of saying the words as I spell them, like 'cat'. Ca-t. I began learning by the sounds they make (phonetics) and soon became the best speller in my year group. Like when I have to spell what, I always say in my head 'w-hat' or my current (and persistant) word that I struggle to spell, business, 'bus-i-ness'. Because the words sound funny when you pronounce them that way, I usually devote most of my mind to spelling it out (my friends and I have cracked up over 'cheese' before, just because we took turns dragging out the letters to make it sound hilarious).

Before I was diagnosed I'd always cling to a cat and pet them (they learned to tolerate me over the years) or twiddle my hair. Unfortunately, shortly after I was diagnosed with Aspergers my school upped the pressure about exams, which lead to me developing alopecia (my hair started falling out in patches) so we desperately had to find an alternative thing to twiddle when I'm out and about (its coming back now I've finished exams and left school, so its all good).

Thats when I bought some fur tails/scraps online and made them into a keyring, with different textures I could play with when I felt like it. I used to wear it as a necklace but as you imagine, that got me a lot of negative attention, so, I bought a keychain online, and I strung it up through the belt loops on my trousers and clipped the fur scraps to the chain. Because its below my waist, most people I interact with don't notice it, or see when I reach down and start twiddling some fur with my hand.

Twiddling/stroking things is what I do between doing things. I always feel comforted by having more than one thing going on at once, i.e. having the tv on while I draw or while I'm on the laptop. I'm not sure why, I just feel so restless when I have something to think about, and beyond pacing around (which I still do but have cut down on a lot as I've gotten older) twiddling or petting an animal is the only way to keep me happily in one place. And like your son, after watching any movies or cartoons I like (Pokemon remains a favourite xD) I either run off to pace to think about all that I've just seen, or go twiddle/annoy a cat because I get so excited and caught up in the feelings of the characters I relate to.

I'm not sure its possible to cut down on the twiddling as such, but in school I always used to doodle on a scrap bit of paper when I wasn't playing with my hair, maybe ask if your son has any hobbies such as drawing he could fall back on when he feels the need to keep his hands busy? My little cousin always flaps his hands or drums his fingers on the table as a way of keeping himself busy, so I guess twiddling isn't for everyone. I have had him climb on my back to play with my hair when I get it cut though , so perhaps getting your lad a scrap of fabric he likes the feel of to play with would stop him going after so many different 'twiddle things'. Since my fur scraps I've found that playing with bits of string or even elastic bands aren't even half as comforting because I've 'imprinted' as such on the fur scraps. The need to keep change to a minimum probably contributed to this, as my fur scraps have become a constant in my life, I now carry them everywhere with me.

I don't think you should worry much about your son being noticed in a negative way for his differences at primary really. I got noticed mostly because I am anything but a girly girl, and am more like a boy as I've gotten older (short hair, into action cartoons like Pokemon and Transformers, adores dragons, hates pink stuff and dresses) which seemed to confuse the other kids in the last few years of primary and in the beginning of high school.

From what I've learned, many young aspies will be brutally honest in their friend choices, if they don't like someone, they won't play with them, if they do, that person has pretty much earned a friend for life. As long as the kids learn to value this friendship, your boy will have people prepared to defend him from the ignorant kids and in return they'll have a friend they can always rely on to be themselves.

Hope all this helps, and good luck. :)

Hi Ballerina,

Thanks for the compliment xD Theres quite a lot of people on here who're positive about autism and I've mostly just compiled my arguement based on their and my experiences, overall, everything has its pros and cons, where some people fail, others exceed, but we can all help each other as long as both sides learn to compromise and have fun. :)

When I was little, my mum taught me to write my name before I went to nursery, I also learned my home number. I didn't see the letters as letters as such, more funny shapes, like, S looks like a stick figure snake. It took a while for me to grasp putting all the little pictures together to make a sentence as my parents discovered when they found I wasn't reading my bedtime book, merely repeating it directly from memory.

As I got older, mum tried teaching me ways of saying the words as I spell them, like 'cat'. Ca-t. I began learning by the sounds they make (phonetics) and soon became the best speller in my year group. Like when I have to spell what, I always say in my head 'w-hat' or my current (and persistant) word that I struggle to spell, business, 'bus-i-ness'. Because the words sound funny when you pronounce them that way, I usually devote most of my mind to spelling it out (my friends and I have cracked up over 'cheese' before, just because we took turns dragging out the letters to make it sound hilarious).

Before I was diagnosed I'd always cling to a cat and pet them (they learned to tolerate me over the years) or twiddle my hair. Unfortunately, shortly after I was diagnosed with Aspergers my school upped the pressure about exams, which lead to me developing alopecia (my hair started falling out in patches) so we desperately had to find an alternative thing to twiddle when I'm out and about (its coming back now I've finished exams and left school, so its all good).

Thats when I bought some fur tails/scraps online and made them into a keyring, with different textures I could play with when I felt like it. I used to wear it as a necklace but as you imagine, that got me a lot of negative attention, so, I bought a keychain online, and I strung it up through the belt loops on my trousers and clipped the fur scraps to the chain. Because its below my waist, most people I interact with don't notice it, or see when I reach down and start twiddling some fur with my hand.

Twiddling/stroking things is what I do between doing things. I always feel comforted by having more than one thing going on at once, i.e. having the tv on while I draw or while I'm on the laptop. I'm not sure why, I just feel so restless when I have something to think about, and beyond pacing around (which I still do but have cut down on a lot as I've gotten older) twiddling or petting an animal is the only way to keep me happily in one place. And like your son, after watching any movies or cartoons I like (Pokemon remains a favourite xD) I either run off to pace to think about all that I've just seen, or go twiddle/annoy a cat because I get so excited and caught up in the feelings of the characters I relate to.

I'm not sure its possible to cut down on the twiddling as such, but in school I always used to doodle on a scrap bit of paper when I wasn't playing with my hair, maybe ask if your son has any hobbies such as drawing he could fall back on when he feels the need to keep his hands busy? My little cousin always flaps his hands or drums his fingers on the table as a way of keeping himself busy, so I guess twiddling isn't for everyone. I have had him climb on my back to play with my hair when I get it cut though , so perhaps getting your lad a scrap of fabric he likes the feel of to play with would stop him going after so many different 'twiddle things'. Since my fur scraps I've found that playing with bits of string or even elastic bands aren't even half as comforting because I've 'imprinted' as such on the fur scraps. The need to keep change to a minimum probably contributed to this, as my fur scraps have become a constant in my life, I now carry them everywhere with me.

I don't think you should worry much about your son being noticed in a negative way for his differences at primary really. I got noticed mostly because I am anything but a girly girl, and am more like a boy as I've gotten older (short hair, into action cartoons like Pokemon and Transformers, adores dragons, hates pink stuff and dresses) which seemed to confuse the other kids in the last few years of primary and in the beginning of high school.

From what I've learned, many young aspies will be brutally honest in their friend choices, if they don't like someone, they won't play with them, if they do, that person has pretty much earned a friend for life. As long as the kids learn to value this friendship, your boy will have people prepared to defend him from the ignorant kids and in return they'll have a friend they can always rely on to be themselves.

Hope all this helps, and good luck. :)