HELP ME PLEASE!!! Surely I can't be the only one???

Congratulations.

Is it because you spend too much on things you don't need, or do you spend too much on things you need?

If the former, don't give yourself the opportunity to spend. Leave your bank card at home and only take the cash you specifically need. Don't go shopping when you're hungry, because that makes you buy stuff you don't need. If you eat out a lot, try to cut back on that. If you smoke, stop, because that's just throwing money away on something that will destroy your health anyway. Same with excessive drinking. Also, it sounds as though you buy food that you don't need or that is bad for you. Try to cut back on that. Make a grocery list beforehand and stick to it.

Spending money can be an addiction, so think about whether that applies to you, and do what you need to do to stop yourself from buying things you don't need (by making lists, leaving the card at home, etc.).

If you don't have enough for things you need, then I'm not sure what to tell you. That's not really a budgeting issue and it's definitely not your fault.

It does take a bit of getting used to. 

It is all sinking in at the moment.

Congratulations!

(Assuming that your diagnosis is a good thing for you? It was for me.) 

Its official now; Hendrow is diagnosed as being Autistic.

Speaking of my being pressed down, or should I say depressed. I hope y'all enjoy this. . . . . . .

             PRESSED NO MORE

I do eat really well, (well, except when I eat badly. lol   Damn that Ronald!!)  My housing is my main concern, and coming to the realisation that I will need some kind of assisted or supported living. I am hoping that my social worker will help me make it down that route. I don't want another attempt at making it on my own, 20+ failures in the last 30 years is enough for me to now admit, that I cannot live on my own.  

Thanks again.

Thankyou, Rainbow eye's.

Simple but effective, I have many new skills to learn.

About the depression...I think having things under control will help with your mental well being. You've been worrying about your finances, which will be contributing to your stress. 

Also, you mentioned eating issues. Nutrition is so important for our brains to work properly. I've been reading this book:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Could-You-Overcoming-dyspraxia-Tourettes/dp/0753513390 which has a good section on nutrition for people with autism etc.

Take control of what you can. I understand it can be so difficult, but you need to give yourself the best possible chance. 

You need to be organised. Lists are your friend! If you honestly want to control your finances I recommend making an easy, basic budget plan. Write down:

1. how much money you have coming in

2. How much money is DEFINITELY going out e.g bills

Then see how much you have left over, so you will know exactly how much you can spend until your next pay day.

I write down everything I buy each month. If you do this you can look back over the list at the end of the month and see where you're going wrong/wasting your money.

It's also a good idea to take all of your benefit money out (I'm guessing you get paid 2-weekly) so you physically have it and have to hand it over each time you buy something. When people rely on cards it can sometimes not register that this is actual money.

Good luck!

I agree that it is good if you realise that you are in a position to exercise choice and make a conscious decision to go forwards rather than backwards.

One thing though, we have gone a bit off topic by talking about depression. Hendrow, do you recognise yourself as being depressed (i.e. the diagnosable condition rather than just feeling a bit sad)? We have, kind of, jumped to that conclusion but you may have other thoughts?

I agree. I was in a spiral of depression in my 20's. I had to decide to never go back the dark place as I call it. Any time I feel low, I come up with options to improve my predictament. Sometimes I write them down. Working towards solving a problem refocuses your brain and life doesn't feel so dark.

QuirkyFriend Wrote: said:

Yes us ND get funny reactions to medications but if you persist hopefully you will find the best one for you (I have tried 7 meds and still have a cluster of side effects, but I can live with them)

I profoundly, but respectfully, disagree with any idea that meds are a first line of response to depression. They are useful in some situations for some people but they can be singularly ineffective in some people with ASD. Depression is not necessarily a result of brain chemistry but it can be a very rational response to the hard life that one has as a result of ASD. Social isolation and the ingrained misery of living on benefits can lead one to depression without the involvement of any bad brain chemistry. Please read all of this as an "it depends" thing - meds work brilliantly for some people with ASD but they are not the right answer for a lot of other people.

My personal views are highly coloured by what happened to my father who, in hindsight, was an undiagnosed autistic person. He was on meds for many years because of depression and there seemed to be no alternative. His life ended with Alzheimers and there is a suspicion (my GP agreed with my suspicion) that meds might have had something to do with that ending. Long term use of mind altering substances (meds, tobacco, weed etc etc) is always going to be an experiment on yourself.

The alternative to meds is to "change your mind" by challenging yourself to think differently about the world and your part in its downfall. If you accept that you can only ever know a fraction of what can be known, that you are not perfect but instead you are OK and that you are an entirely acceptably decent person with decent ideas and decent morals etc then you might be a bit less unhappy with your situation.

My experience of depression was that I became a zombie after years of undiagnosed autism and the resultant conflict and lack of progress in my working life. I was on a relentless loop of working for managers that I did not understand and I ended up in the GP surgery in what I recognise now to be a bad state of depression. The recognition that it could be ASD that had brought about this state of affairs became the key that unlocked an acceptance that I was different to other people. There are lots of things that are well known about autism and I have used that to understand how I can still be different but avoid the relentless conflict and clattering about that went on for the previous 50+ years. I have turned that into a useful circumscribed interest and am now fascinated by studying people and how I can accept myself for what I am and accept them (most, but not all of them mind) for what they are.

These are just my views. They are incomplete and they may well be different to anyone else reading them but this is what I think from my limited experience and life on earth so far.

Hi, part of my job is budgeting for business purposes. I have always had an obsession with numbers, so it is the right career path for me.

Anyhow, first pay all of your bills, take out half of what you have left in cash then make a list for dinners and use the list to make a grocery list. Add stuff you normally stock up on like sugar, coffee, stuff to make sandwiches for lunch. Check over the list and ask yourself about each item if it is a necessity, if not, cross it off and make a wants list. Only go back to the wants list when you have saved a little money and are capable of buying a few wants. This way you can then prioritize your wants and buy them as a reward for yourswlf one at a time. You will find that you no longer wants some of them and permanently cross them off, others you will find a way to stash a little money here and there to save for that want. Then when you go to the store, only ALLOW yourself to buy stuff already on the NEEDS list. Budgeting comes down to self control. Make rules for yourself, write them down and post them on the fridge if you have to!

I understand it in theory, but in reality, I just lose control. I have so crazy idea that it will work out somehow. It's like I never learn and I can never learn, my Quirky Friend.

Here is my trick for my impulsive ADHD stepdaughter. Pay bills first take out the rest in cash and only pay by cash. She went from risky debt to savings by doing this, anything she didn't spend was saved.

Seriously go to a budgeting advisor. It can help immensely.

Hey Quirky friend, thanks for the reply. I have something about my brain that makes it so I can't budget, I just can't do it.

Hey there. First of all it is bloody hard to live on a benefit whatever way you say it and whatever country you are in.

Secondly, go speak to your GP if you are depressed like this - depression is commonly comorbid with ASD. Yes us ND get funny reactions to medications but if you persist hopefully you will find the best one for you (I have tried 7 meds and still have a cluster of side effects, but I can live with them)

Thirdly, if you haven't gone to a budgeting service, do it. You might learn very little but you might also pick up some useful tips.