HELP ME PLEASE!!! Surely I can't be the only one???

I am so unhappy at the moment. The reason is money, to be specific budgeting!! I am so rubbish at it, (I am on the benefits system AGAIN!) I make the same mistakes over and over again. (Decade after bloody decade!! Fortnight after Fortnight!!) End up running out of money, and having to either borrow some money or sell something (like a junkie.)  Its like a OCD thing, a compulsion to wreck things financially whenever I can.

The problem is I am now feeling so low, negative and wishing I was dead. Is this common with people who have Aspergers syndrome? I want to cry, I want to die, I want to poke myself in the eye. I don't self harm other than over-eating, or eating food that upsets my bowels and stomach. 

Do you know is this is something I can be cured of? It does not bode well for a good future for me, yet I am positive it is a brain malfunction thing. I so want to do better, I just can't I don't know how. It is so damn frustrating, it is driving me to tears literally!!!

Am I the only one who suffers like this? Where should I turn to for help with this? Can anyone really help me??

Parents
  • Hey there. First of all it is bloody hard to live on a benefit whatever way you say it and whatever country you are in.

    Secondly, go speak to your GP if you are depressed like this - depression is commonly comorbid with ASD. Yes us ND get funny reactions to medications but if you persist hopefully you will find the best one for you (I have tried 7 meds and still have a cluster of side effects, but I can live with them)

    Thirdly, if you haven't gone to a budgeting service, do it. You might learn very little but you might also pick up some useful tips.

  • QuirkyFriend Wrote: said:
    Yes us ND get funny reactions to medications but if you persist hopefully you will find the best one for you (I have tried 7 meds and still have a cluster of side effects, but I can live with them)

    I profoundly, but respectfully, disagree with any idea that meds are a first line of response to depression. They are useful in some situations for some people but they can be singularly ineffective in some people with ASD. Depression is not necessarily a result of brain chemistry but it can be a very rational response to the hard life that one has as a result of ASD. Social isolation and the ingrained misery of living on benefits can lead one to depression without the involvement of any bad brain chemistry. Please read all of this as an "it depends" thing - meds work brilliantly for some people with ASD but they are not the right answer for a lot of other people.

    My personal views are highly coloured by what happened to my father who, in hindsight, was an undiagnosed autistic person. He was on meds for many years because of depression and there seemed to be no alternative. His life ended with Alzheimers and there is a suspicion (my GP agreed with my suspicion) that meds might have had something to do with that ending. Long term use of mind altering substances (meds, tobacco, weed etc etc) is always going to be an experiment on yourself.

    The alternative to meds is to "change your mind" by challenging yourself to think differently about the world and your part in its downfall. If you accept that you can only ever know a fraction of what can be known, that you are not perfect but instead you are OK and that you are an entirely acceptably decent person with decent ideas and decent morals etc then you might be a bit less unhappy with your situation.

    My experience of depression was that I became a zombie after years of undiagnosed autism and the resultant conflict and lack of progress in my working life. I was on a relentless loop of working for managers that I did not understand and I ended up in the GP surgery in what I recognise now to be a bad state of depression. The recognition that it could be ASD that had brought about this state of affairs became the key that unlocked an acceptance that I was different to other people. There are lots of things that are well known about autism and I have used that to understand how I can still be different but avoid the relentless conflict and clattering about that went on for the previous 50+ years. I have turned that into a useful circumscribed interest and am now fascinated by studying people and how I can accept myself for what I am and accept them (most, but not all of them mind) for what they are.

    These are just my views. They are incomplete and they may well be different to anyone else reading them but this is what I think from my limited experience and life on earth so far.

  • I agree. I was in a spiral of depression in my 20's. I had to decide to never go back the dark place as I call it. Any time I feel low, I come up with options to improve my predictament. Sometimes I write them down. Working towards solving a problem refocuses your brain and life doesn't feel so dark.

  • I agree that it is good if you realise that you are in a position to exercise choice and make a conscious decision to go forwards rather than backwards.

    One thing though, we have gone a bit off topic by talking about depression. Hendrow, do you recognise yourself as being depressed (i.e. the diagnosable condition rather than just feeling a bit sad)? We have, kind of, jumped to that conclusion but you may have other thoughts?

Reply
  • I agree that it is good if you realise that you are in a position to exercise choice and make a conscious decision to go forwards rather than backwards.

    One thing though, we have gone a bit off topic by talking about depression. Hendrow, do you recognise yourself as being depressed (i.e. the diagnosable condition rather than just feeling a bit sad)? We have, kind of, jumped to that conclusion but you may have other thoughts?

Children
No Data