Published on 12, July, 2020
So, I'm a bit confused at the minute and one minute I feel as if im doing the right thing, next I feel like a crazy mother creating an illness that isnt there and is my son just playing up?
My son is 8 years old and since he started hitting developmental milestones i always used to say to his father somethings not right. Social events became a no no due to my son being unable to cope with his surroundings and this would be displayed in naughty behaviour and meltdowns, even from the age 2.
Hes very literal, he does not understand metaphores, sayings or anything thats fictional. for instance someone said the other week 'i can tell you have a big heart' and whoosh that was it- 'you cant say that, you cant see my heart', even after explaining he still couldnt get his head around it. And thats just the icing on the cake when it comes to sayings. Out in public and to those who dont know his personality he comes across almost rude and arrogant at the things he says, or too inquistive and HAS to know everything, and sometimes if i cant explain (ie, why when he goes to france the stations are in french when the cars british, and radio signal/waves just doesnt cut it) i have to say we'll google it and then we have a few hours of finding out why, how etc.
Hes obsessed with times and dates, we recently moved house and because we were no longer walking from home to school we had the meltdowns in the morning as we didnt leave at 8.21am. if i dont wake him at certain times in the morning, that also creates problems?! Dates, everything has to be worked out and how many days. This might just be a child thing, but its something that sticks in his head and hes always working things out.
He hates change, when things change his quirky ways come out which can be percived as naughty behaviour-ie. wont put shoes on or wear them as thye itch, cant wear certain clothes as they irriate. LAst night was a classic, his baby brother went to his nanas a night early and was last minute so he was upset after school and but why he doesnt go on a wednesday night, then he wouldnt get in the bath as he baths every night when home with his baby brother and he simply couldnt do it as the baby wasnt here. Maybe its him being naughty and i need to put my foot down, or its the way in which he cannot deal with a change.
he recently got assessed by a social worker who said to me he shows mild signs of being autistic and maybe i should take him to the doctors, I did and the doctors have refered him to Cahms and Im to keep a diary and also ask the schoolfor a report, who have on numerous occasions expressed concerns over his work, his literal responces, how he can again come accross as arrogant, but to him it makes sence- he cant read a ficticion comprehension and answer the questions related to that, he has to give factual answers that are currently happening in the world/on the news/ what he knows. However, his teacher basically laughed at me and said shes seen worse whove been assessed and nothing wrong, and shed have noticed. So now i feel daft and maybe there isnt anything wrong with him. however, several people have often asked if ive ever had him assesed and maybe i need to.
Sorry about the essay, im just confused over whether im doing the right thing getting him assesed. Thanks.
Thank you everyone for all ur amazing advice :-) its been reasuring and now ill be spending some time reading up properly on it. And fingers crossed his appt for an assesment comes through soon. I'm yet to tell his father (my ex husband) he is going to be assessed as he is ummm, one wld say not understanding and would dismiss it all as he has done for the 7 years and just thinks children are either- naughty and arrogant or well behaved! Having looked into it a small bit has helped my partner understand him a lot more though as theyve not really bonded over the 2 years as he just thought my son was naughty, even just looking at the traits, changes etc has made him more patient with my son and now hes my sons best friend. I think it'll do us all a world of good, my son as an individual, and us a family.
Thanks again everyone
He sounds more ASD than me, that's for sure. I keep most of my angst internal.
Hi Apple
I am appalled at the attitude of the teacher.
I can relate a lot to how your son behaves. Unfortunately help for me at his age was not available, one was just considered naughty and the answer was (physical) punishment.
If your son is autistic, and he seems to tick many of the right boxes, he needs a diagnosis and understanding. Without this he will go through his life being a figure of fun without knowing why he reacts to things in the way he does. I know this because I was a figure of fun all my life, and not understanding why I was the way I was. Even though my diagnosis was very late (I was 62 when diagnosed), it did help me explain to myself the way I was, my regret was not knowing at an earlier age and what might have been if I had known.
I don't think words such as 'showing signs of mild autism' help either. Autism affects your whole being, it is in you, it is you. Dismissing something as 'mild' autism means that needs are going to be overlooked. Autism is autism, however well functioning you are.
The only people who can assess autism are psychologists and psychiatrists with a specialism and qualification and certification for doing this. Not teachers, gps, or social workers, plumbers or joiners. In my opinion they should merely point you in the right direction to getting the diagnosis once you have noticed the traits by referring you to a diagnosis service. Cams may be the procedure that your local health service has for this.
Remember that in itself autism is not a mental illness although it can make someone more susceptible to mental illnesses. Above all your son needs understanding. It is lack of understanding and knowledge of how to deal with his needs that leads to the problems. Getting to the root of why he reacts the way he does is the key to unlocking the door of understanding.
Autism is a different way of making sense of the world, and that does not necessarily mean it is the wrong way. And in my opinion it is the way society does not react well to difference that is the most disabling thing about being autistic.
" I feel as if im doing the right thing, next I feel like a crazy mother creating an illness that isnt there and is my son just playing up?"<---no, you are not crazy
"Sorry about the essay, im just confused over whether im doing the right thing getting him assesed."<---no, don't apologise - yes you are doing the right thing
for what it's worth, based on what you have written, i personally think your son is HFA (High Functioning Autistic). personal note: my shoes and clothes are unbearable to wear when i get overloaded, it's an autistic thing.
idea: familiarise yourself with autism, it's traits, etc. autism will manifest in many different ways, we are not all obsessed with car number plates, but we are 'obsessed' /by/ things. the 'pattern' of autism will be there - think of flowers, the petals of the flower are traits.
re diary keeping: keep a note of good days as well as bad/meltdowns, as sometimes a trigger will take a few days to come out or build up to a meltdown.
"However, his teacher basically laughed at me and said shes seen worse whove been assessed and nothing wrong, and shed have noticed."<---does she now, good for her. keep going, don't give up. regardless of how many letters a person has after their name, what their profession is, how long they've worked in the field etc etc, ultimately the only person who is qualified to talk about autism is an autistic person. do not allow one person's dismissal on the basis of confirmation bias to make you or let you feel undermined. as a parent, you know best when it comes to your child's well-being.
your son sounds a lovely little chap, and i wish you and he the best.
Thank you very much deepthought. Its reasurring to know i might not be going mad, and even if it it just very mild we will both get the support we need to help him and his future and others better to understand him
Thank you very much. I shall have a look at those links and hopefully provide me with further information
As far as feeling confused about whether you are doing the right thing in terms of getting your son assessed for ASD, and given what you have described of you son's behavioural characteristics - which I very very much relate with personally - I am certain you have done exactly the right thing.
Hi apple35,
Welcome to the Forum.
I have left some resources below which you may find useful:
To find out if your son/daughter has autism/Asperger's syndrome they would need to go for a formal diagnostic assessment. This section provides further information on getting a diagnosis: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/children.aspx
You may also want to look at our section that provides advice for parents, relatives and carers of people with autism. http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/parents-relatives-and-carers.aspx
It is very important that you see someone with experience of autism spectrum disorders. Details of diagnostic services can be found on our Autism Services Directory:
http://www.autismdirectory.org.uk/services/autism-services-directory.aspx
The main things parents should be expecting and asking for during assessment are those outlined in the National Autism Plan for Children. You can look at the NAPC using a link at the bottom of the following page:National Autism Plan for Children (2003): executive summary, full report, details of speakers, appendices.
http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/children.aspx
I hope that this has been helpful.
Regena-Mod