Published on 12, July, 2020
So, I'm a bit confused at the minute and one minute I feel as if im doing the right thing, next I feel like a crazy mother creating an illness that isnt there and is my son just playing up?
My son is 8 years old and since he started hitting developmental milestones i always used to say to his father somethings not right. Social events became a no no due to my son being unable to cope with his surroundings and this would be displayed in naughty behaviour and meltdowns, even from the age 2.
Hes very literal, he does not understand metaphores, sayings or anything thats fictional. for instance someone said the other week 'i can tell you have a big heart' and whoosh that was it- 'you cant say that, you cant see my heart', even after explaining he still couldnt get his head around it. And thats just the icing on the cake when it comes to sayings. Out in public and to those who dont know his personality he comes across almost rude and arrogant at the things he says, or too inquistive and HAS to know everything, and sometimes if i cant explain (ie, why when he goes to france the stations are in french when the cars british, and radio signal/waves just doesnt cut it) i have to say we'll google it and then we have a few hours of finding out why, how etc.
Hes obsessed with times and dates, we recently moved house and because we were no longer walking from home to school we had the meltdowns in the morning as we didnt leave at 8.21am. if i dont wake him at certain times in the morning, that also creates problems?! Dates, everything has to be worked out and how many days. This might just be a child thing, but its something that sticks in his head and hes always working things out.
He hates change, when things change his quirky ways come out which can be percived as naughty behaviour-ie. wont put shoes on or wear them as thye itch, cant wear certain clothes as they irriate. LAst night was a classic, his baby brother went to his nanas a night early and was last minute so he was upset after school and but why he doesnt go on a wednesday night, then he wouldnt get in the bath as he baths every night when home with his baby brother and he simply couldnt do it as the baby wasnt here. Maybe its him being naughty and i need to put my foot down, or its the way in which he cannot deal with a change.
he recently got assessed by a social worker who said to me he shows mild signs of being autistic and maybe i should take him to the doctors, I did and the doctors have refered him to Cahms and Im to keep a diary and also ask the schoolfor a report, who have on numerous occasions expressed concerns over his work, his literal responces, how he can again come accross as arrogant, but to him it makes sence- he cant read a ficticion comprehension and answer the questions related to that, he has to give factual answers that are currently happening in the world/on the news/ what he knows. However, his teacher basically laughed at me and said shes seen worse whove been assessed and nothing wrong, and shed have noticed. So now i feel daft and maybe there isnt anything wrong with him. however, several people have often asked if ive ever had him assesed and maybe i need to.
Sorry about the essay, im just confused over whether im doing the right thing getting him assesed. Thanks.
Hi Apple
I am appalled at the attitude of the teacher.
I can relate a lot to how your son behaves. Unfortunately help for me at his age was not available, one was just considered naughty and the answer was (physical) punishment.
If your son is autistic, and he seems to tick many of the right boxes, he needs a diagnosis and understanding. Without this he will go through his life being a figure of fun without knowing why he reacts to things in the way he does. I know this because I was a figure of fun all my life, and not understanding why I was the way I was. Even though my diagnosis was very late (I was 62 when diagnosed), it did help me explain to myself the way I was, my regret was not knowing at an earlier age and what might have been if I had known.
I don't think words such as 'showing signs of mild autism' help either. Autism affects your whole being, it is in you, it is you. Dismissing something as 'mild' autism means that needs are going to be overlooked. Autism is autism, however well functioning you are.
The only people who can assess autism are psychologists and psychiatrists with a specialism and qualification and certification for doing this. Not teachers, gps, or social workers, plumbers or joiners. In my opinion they should merely point you in the right direction to getting the diagnosis once you have noticed the traits by referring you to a diagnosis service. Cams may be the procedure that your local health service has for this.
Remember that in itself autism is not a mental illness although it can make someone more susceptible to mental illnesses. Above all your son needs understanding. It is lack of understanding and knowledge of how to deal with his needs that leads to the problems. Getting to the root of why he reacts the way he does is the key to unlocking the door of understanding.
Autism is a different way of making sense of the world, and that does not necessarily mean it is the wrong way. And in my opinion it is the way society does not react well to difference that is the most disabling thing about being autistic.