I've been referred for assessment

Hi there

Same as you.   I have been wondering ALL my life why I dont seem to fit in with other people.   In fact, I have never been able to understand why more other people dont wear say odd socks - they all seem to think Im a weirdo - so I make a joke and say "I have another pair like this at home"   It doesnt bother me tho....they do the same job as socks with a matching pattern.   Obviously I dont wear odd socks all the time!!

Anyway, Ive suffered with depression(not ALL the time - but enough) going back a long way - I even remember our family doctor saying to me (family doctor, we would have been living in Bromley, which would make me a 13 year old back then.   He said once "tina, the world is not just made of black and white, there's shades of grey in between"

I did an AQ test and got a score of 38 - so have been to my doctor.    My brother who was diagnosed as being Aspergers a couple of years ago by Tonbridge Mental Health, told me to write a list, of things - (like all the "weird" things that happen.....and how I just feel like a misfit - although Im by no means an idiot, but for some reason feel that I am.......etc., etc.,.SO unconfident/shy/awkward/ and yet 53 years old - you know what I mean I expect....

I visited my doctor last week, and she listened to me - and was looking through my notes on her screen.   She told me she had no hesitation in referring me, but that it may take a while for her as things like ADHD and Aspergers are not funded by the NHS etc.,.

But to me, just her referral has made a ton of difference.   I now know why Im like I am - Im wondering if I will be able to use my "smartness" in future to logically talk myself out of getting depressed when things get too much.   (like my heads going to explode with too much information)

Writing a list helped - and I still found myself getting stuck on trying to get words out - even with my list.

Hope it goes okay for you :-)

Decee said:

I ddon't know if your like me but before things like going to see the doctor I over think it. I will always go through all the possible bad outcomes. I have tried to be more positive but I think maybe it's just my way of preparing myself incase a bad situation happens.

Like you used to be able to do I can also recall convos word for word however it's very strange because at the time the convo doesn't go into my mind. It's only when I'm back on my own does my brain seem to process the convo and when it does its word for word. It really annoys my partner as she can be present for that convo yet when it's finished I will repeat it word for word almost as a way to gain assurances from her that what I think was said was said but shes very understanding. 

Beware, long message ensues...

I am very slow at making decisions. I need time to digest the information. I like finding out the details and weighing things up. For example, I have looked numerous times at the possibility of post graduate courses. With one of the courses they have stopped taking new students, so I may elk have missed my chance for the course I had identified favourably. For some things there is a protocol/process to follow - this makes things much easier, as it is reasoned and sets parameters.

For something like seeking ASD diagnosis there is no single path. Although there are some "protocols" there are some differences. So that in itself requires some finding out about the best way to approach it (if I decide to). Then there is the prospect of the other minor health concerns I have - if I don't mention them at an appointment to request ASD assessment then do I pretend there are no other concerns? How long do I wait before making another appointment to discuss other issues? Then there is the preparation of relevant information (this is the most difficult - the other things well probably feel unsolvable one I get the hang of this one!). Taking along a completed test is clearly defined and manageable, but it is the actual individual information about me that is difficult to pin down (I'm taking time to do some finding out so that I can identify the aspects that are relevant) followed by the articulation of this at an appointment, as well as the prospect of bit being believed - more likely if I can't articulate myself clearly. This also relates to selecting a GP who is more likely to listen rather than to "know best" and be dismissive. After all, I appear to be doing fine - working, virtually no sick leave, long term partner.

So I need to feel able to make my case and all the above is why I won't be contacting the surgery on Monday morning to request the next available double appointment!!! I also have not decided whether I will seek diagnosis. At the moment I suppose I think of myself as "questioning". I don't feel comfortable with self-diagnosis (perhaps the closest I would get in the future would be to say that I recognise myself in diagnostic criteria and/or among autistic people, but I am still to determine whether this is the case).

Lastly, I usually find someone urging me to just do something that I feel unsure of has the opposite effect on me. On the other hand, if/when I finally get to the point of making a decision then I get on with doing it.

(Any readers, please note my polite request (as polite as I can make it): I have seen a comment on this forum that someone working full time etc doesn't need a diagnosis. That's exactly the dismissiveness that can be very unhelpful so no RSVP if anyone is considering going down that route. Thank you in anticipation of respecting this request.)

Ok got it and replied :)

Decee said:

Yes it would be brilliant to be friends. Do you have a way I can contact you directly?

I'm not really sure cos this site doesnt seem to have private messaging. I don't really want to give my email out on an open forum but i had an idea. If you contact me through my website contact form, i can email you back with my email address. Here is the link to the page. (unlinked)

I take it by the time you also struggle to sleep?

Ok Ben I'll do that now.

Yes I do. its a strange one as when I'm asleep I can sleep for ages but it's getting to sleep that's the problem. It's like my brain just doesn't understand that night time means sleep time. My brain really struggles to shut off as im always thinking of something. Professionals have said turn tvs etc off an hour before bed etc but they dont understand its physically impossible in my brain to make myself do that. Ive tried the whole lying in bed until I fall asleep but that just doesnt work i eill just be led there for two hours and then just get up. I've been this way ever since I was little. I also generally feel that this time is 'my time' everyone is in bed and its time for me to be on my own and feel normal. 

II've got better this last year and generally go to bed about 4 now where as before it was 8/9 in thr morning. Its very hard telling myself to go to bed I generally fall asleep on sofa and then after s hour or two stumble into bed as my back hurts from the sofa. I just seem unable to tell myself to go to bed.

curious said:

[quote][/quote]

The conversation went something like this.

Me: Recently I have been on a journey of self discovery.  I've never felt normal in life and I've had many problems in life. I'm at the point where I am now starting to think why am I like I am. I have done research online and I display many symptoms of ASD. I did an online test and that came out quite high.

Doctor: What was your score?

Me: 35

Doctor: What was your childhood like?

Me: I felt like I never fitted in. I misbehaved to avoid social situations and as I had trouble communicating my thoughts. I had a childrens psychiatrics and he just blamed everything on my fatger dying.

Doctor: Can you explain your symptoms

Me: Explained all my symptoms and partner helped when I fot stuck.

Doctor: (looked at my medical history) Ok from what you have described and by looking at your history of depression and anxiety this is something we need to explore further as it's very likely you may have ASD. However as diagnosing adults is a new service in this area it may take upto a year.

Sorry for such detail but I have a photographic memory.

No need to apologise - this is really helpful! I am not very good at speaking to the doctor, especially trying to explain problems which are not physical. I may look back at it if I ever decide to pursue diagnosis. Somehow setting out your conversation is easier to take in than someone describing some principles of how to request diagnosis.

I used to be able to recall conversations word for word, but my brain doesn't seem to work so well in that respect now.

Hi Curious. I would say don't delay and seek a diagnosis whenever possible. I almost did it a year ago but was sort of in denial. It took a combination of events in my life to say right lets get to the bottom of this. I've never been good at explaining things to the doctor. Over the years I've tried many doctors and have finally found one that gets me snd makes me feel more comfortable than other doctors do so that also helped.

I ddon't know if your like me but before things like going to see the doctor I over think it. I will always go through all the possible bad outcomes. I have tried to be more positive but I think maybe it's just my way of preparing myself incase a bad situation happens.

Like you used to be able to do I can also recall convos word for word however it's very strange because at the time the convo doesn't go into my mind. It's only when I'm back on my own does my brain seem to process the convo and when it does its word for word. It really annoys my partner as she can be present for that convo yet when it's finished I will repeat it word for word almost as a way to gain assurances from her that what I think was said was said but shes very understanding. 

Changing the subject a bit but was thinking about this today. Foes anyone find they interact very well with children? I have 4 children and interacting with them is very natural and I seem to be in tune with rjem if that makes sense?

AllThingsBen said:

Thanks for the in depth reply of what happened at your initial GP appointment. I will print out a copy of my test results to take with me as you mentioned they asked you about that, my score was in the 40's when i did it.

I will have my wife to take along with me, she's used to doing a lot of talking for me so thats ok, but its just the feeling of felling like an idiot for not knowing what to say the moment you enter and the GP says, "how can i help you today Ben?". You know what i mean im sure.

I'm glad you found something that helps (allotment), i'm not so great at gardening, i just cant seem to get into it, not my thing. I tend to watch/collect a lot of tv/movies and/or design things such as websites and games etc..

If you want to know more about me, my thread is here, saves me re-writing everything.

Anyway, it's nice to find and read about someone who sounds very similar when you feel like no one else and like you're just "different". If you need a friend with with autism process, feel free to talk to me, seems logical seeing as were pretty much in the same position. Like you i can only really conversate "normally" using text and typing, gives me time to actually think and plan what i'm trying to say, so i don't have any actual friends other than my wife, so a text friend would be cool.

Anyway, thanks again for the advice regarding GP.

Ben.

Having done a lot of research these last few weeks it seems as if people with ASD can have many different symptoms etc. Like you like movies and creating things where as I like gardening but we both have a common interest of being obsessed by something. It seems like one person with Autism at one end of the scale find it very ddifficult to communicate (like me and you) yet at the othet end there is someone who is overly outgoing and finds communication very easy.

Yes it would be brilliant to be friends. Do you have a way I can contact you directly? In normal life it feels as if I am the odd one out yet reading comments on here speaking to people like yourself makes me feel almost normal as you understand.

With the text thing iI'm exactly the same. It gives me tjat few extra seconds to process things. My solicitor today suggested that in future I could write down what I want to say at home snd bring it withme so iI'm going to try and do that and see if it works in life. 

Like you I have very few friends. I know lots of people and maybe have one close friend but as I struggle in social ssituations I don't meet up with anyone I know.

Decee said:

The conversation went something like this.

Me: Recently I have been on a journey of self discovery.  I've never felt normal in life and I've had many problems in life. I'm at the point where I am now starting to think why am I like I am. I have done research online and I display many symptoms of ASD. I did an online test and that came out quite high.

Doctor: What was your score?

Me: 35

Doctor: What was your childhood like?

Me: I felt like I never fitted in. I misbehaved to avoid social situations and as I had trouble communicating my thoughts. I had a childrens psychiatrics and he just blamed everything on my fatger dying.

Doctor: Can you explain your symptoms

Me: Explained all my symptoms and partner helped when I fot stuck.

Doctor: (looked at my medical history) Ok from what you have described and by looking at your history of depression and anxiety this is something we need to explore further as it's very likely you may have ASD. However as diagnosing adults is a new service in this area it may take upto a year.

Sorry for such detail but I have a photographic memory.

No need to apologise - this is really helpful! I am not very good at speaking to the doctor, especially trying to explain problems which are not physical. I may look back at it if I ever decide to pursue diagnosis. Somehow setting out your conversation is easier to take in than someone describing some principles of how to request diagnosis.

I used to be able to recall conversations word for word, but my brain doesn't seem to work so well in that respect now.

Thanks for the in depth reply of what happened at your initial GP appointment. I will print out a copy of my test results to take with me as you mentioned they asked you about that, my score was in the 40's when i did it.

I will have my wife to take along with me, she's used to doing a lot of talking for me so thats ok, but its just the feeling of felling like an idiot for not knowing what to say the moment you enter and the GP says, "how can i help you today Ben?". You know what i mean im sure.

I'm glad you found something that helps (allotment), i'm not so great at gardening, i just cant seem to get into it, not my thing. I tend to watch/collect a lot of tv/movies and/or design things such as websites and games etc..

If you want to know more about me, my thread is here, saves me re-writing everything.

Anyway, it's nice to find and read about someone who sounds very similar when you feel like no one else and like you're just "different". If you need a friend with with autism process, feel free to talk to me, seems logical seeing as were pretty much in the same position. Like you i can only really conversate "normally" using text and typing, gives me time to actually think and plan what i'm trying to say, so i don't have any actual friends other than my wife, so a text friend would be cool.

Anyway, thanks again for the advice regarding GP.

Ben.

Hi Ben.

Thanks for your reply. I was exactly like you whilst I was awaiting my appointment. I actually tried doing this a year ago but bottled it. I took my partner with me as she understands me which made me feel a little better. To be honest I can't go out on my own unless my partner comes. Is there someone you can take along with you?

Like you I dont talk to people ever so this frightened the hell out of me. I walked into the room and immediately started to panic and felt veey hot and started sweeting excessively. just can't seem to think straight in these situations. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Recently I have been on a journey of self discovery.  I've never felt normal in life and I've had many problems in life. I'm at the point where I am now starting to think why am I like I am. I have done research online and I display many symptoms of ASD. I did an online test and that came out quite high.

Doctor: What was your score?

Me: 35

Doctor: What was your childhood like?

Me: I felt like I never fitted in. I misbehaved to avoid social situations and as I had trouble communicating my thoughts. I had a childrens psychiatrics and he just blamed everything on my fatger dying.

Doctor: Can you explain your symptoms

Me: Explained all my symptoms and partner helped when I fot stuck.

Doctor: (looked at my medical history) Ok from what you have described and by looking at your history of depression and anxiety this is something we need to explore further as it's very likely you may have ASD. However as diagnosing adults is a new service in this area it may take upto a year.

Sorry for such detail but I have a photographic memory.

Exactly like you I over-think, out-think and re-think absolutely everything. Sometimes it can be really great as it means I am able to achieve great things but on the other hand it can destroy my life.

Not affraid to hide what has happened so this time last year I ended up in prison for 3 months as I had another break down at the same time had an arguement with a friend over text message and said a few things I shouldn't have that ended up getting me in trouble. However thr messages I sent came accross different to what I was trying to say. This started me thinking I can't keep on in life like this and it gave me 3 months to think why I'm like this etc. Prison was a great place for me in that it gave me routine and structure to my days. Set meal times. Wake up at certain times but again on the other hand it was a terrible experience as I felt I didn't fit in there and communication was a big problem as I can't communicate with anyone so asking the guards for some toothpaste  etc was impossible. Having no one to remind me to shower, brush my teeth etc was also difficult.

6 Months ago I took on an allotment. This has helped me so much. Ok iI'm not able to go there on my own and I do feel very uneasy if someone comes and talks to me and I feel as if everyone is judging my plot and everything takes me so long to do as it has to be done to perfection but apart from that it's been great for me. It keeps my mind focused. Ive had some pretty serious stresses this last 6 months but I've handled it greatly where as in the past I've crumbled. It may be because all I'm focused on is my allotment. It may just be that im so physically worn out I just haven't got the energy to think about the other stuff. My doctor did say gardening releases feel good hormones. But like evrything I'm now obsessed by my allotment. I also gives me a feeling of achievement every day. I've also become less obsessive about things at home.

The last few weeks I have become obsessed with ASD and done so much research I feel like an expert. The women chaser on the chase has aspergers and tthat's exactly wherr she gets her knowledge from. She becomes obsessed by one subject and researches that subject until she knows everything and becomes bored of it. I'm exactly the same.

Anyways sorry for going on. It's so strange I can communicate quite well in written form but there is no way I could speak all of what I have just written in a conversation. It's impossible for me.

Good luck with your appointment. Maybe you could write your symptoms down incase you get tongue tied? 

Decee said:

I've always felt different. Never felt like ive fitted in. Always avoid social situations as I dont know how to act and I just cant seem to think properly, I Get really anxious about going anywhere on my own. Change I find intolerable. I over analyse things and if things don't go to plan I get really upset. I have certain routines that I have to stick to. I get very obsessive about certain things and if I clean up it has to be done to perfection. I have real problems communicating. As I talk it doesn't come out as I think. I can't speak on the phone. I really enjoy spending time on my own.

I recently did a autism test online and got a really high score.

This sounds almost exactly like me, i'm 32 and going to the GP next friday to hopefully get a referral and start the aspergers diagnosis ball rolling.

Can i ask, how did the conversation with your GP start? i literally have no idea how to start it when i go and am stressing/anxious like mad about it already, not to mention i don't actually talk to people ever.

"My doctor has recommended that in the mean time I do cognative behaviour therapy. Would this be a good idea?"
- I'm not sure if you're like me, but cognative never works because its a method of changing the way you think, the problem being how on earth do you change the way you think when your wired this way to over-think, out-think and re-think everything. Does that make sense? Hard to think one thing when you're already thinking 100 things.

The only thing that really helps me when i'm not doing so great is high brain powered activity, such as coding (if thats your thing), logic puzzles or math problems and that kind of thing, even something as simple as playing a game along the lines of Layton. Maybe it might help you? Physically make your brain unable to deal with anything else but the task at hand, hard but at times do-able.

Anyway, good luck with your referral and i hope its not too long of wait for you.

Ben.