I've been referred for assessment

I'm 29 years old and I've suffered many problems all the way through childhood until now. Being honest my life has been one massive train wreck. As a child my behaviour was blamed on my father dying at 4 years old. I was even fooled into believing this was why I felt different and why I misbehaved. But after a bad year I've started to take a long hard look at myself.

My partners mother is a foster carer and recently she has took on aan autistic child. People commented how much me and him were alike. This made me think and I started doing some research online about autism/aspergers and everything just clicked into place.

II've always felt different. Never felt like ive fitted in. Always avoid social situations as I dont know how to act and I just cant seem to think properly, I Get really anxious about going anywhere on my own. Change I find intolerable. I over analyse things and if things don't go to plan I get really upset. I have certain routines that I have to stick to. I get very obsessive about certain things and if I clean up it has to be done to perfection. I have real problems communicating. As I talk it doesn't come out as I think. I can't speak on the phone. I really enjoy spending time on my own. I've suffered many mental health problems but it's all been put down to depression.

As part of court pproceedings about child contact I had a psychiatric assessment done. He wrongly diagnosed me with a personality disorder but only included things that fitted his diagnosis and excluded things that didn't. He ddidn't ask me to do any questionaires etc.

I recently did a autism test online and got a really high score.

So I went to see my doctor today and presented my case and they agreed it looks like I may have it and they have referred me. Was really expecting them to say no but having looked at my medical history they agreed this may be the answer. It was like a lighbulb went off in the doctors head.

However she said there may be a year wait.

I am jjust so angry that no one has every considered this a posibility. None of these so called doctors not even my own mother. Why has it took me until 29 to figure out why I am like I am. I'm disgusted. I feel my life may have turned out different. I've pushed many people away from me as I don't know how to deal with others feelings and I've had a prison sentances because of this which started me on my journey of discovery.

I am so happy. Of course iI've still got to get the diagnosis but feel I've taken the first steps. People will finally start to understand me better. Not sure how I will feel about beinf labeled though.

II'm hoping that with a diagnosis I will be able to access support services etc which will improve my life.

My doctor has recommended that in the mean time I do cognative behaviour therapy. Would this be a good idea?

Thank you for reading.

Parents
  • AllThingsBen said:

    Thanks for the in depth reply of what happened at your initial GP appointment. I will print out a copy of my test results to take with me as you mentioned they asked you about that, my score was in the 40's when i did it.

    I will have my wife to take along with me, she's used to doing a lot of talking for me so thats ok, but its just the feeling of felling like an idiot for not knowing what to say the moment you enter and the GP says, "how can i help you today Ben?". You know what i mean im sure.

    I'm glad you found something that helps (allotment), i'm not so great at gardening, i just cant seem to get into it, not my thing. I tend to watch/collect a lot of tv/movies and/or design things such as websites and games etc..

    If you want to know more about me, my thread is here, saves me re-writing everything.

    Anyway, it's nice to find and read about someone who sounds very similar when you feel like no one else and like you're just "different". If you need a friend with with autism process, feel free to talk to me, seems logical seeing as were pretty much in the same position. Like you i can only really conversate "normally" using text and typing, gives me time to actually think and plan what i'm trying to say, so i don't have any actual friends other than my wife, so a text friend would be cool.

    Anyway, thanks again for the advice regarding GP.

    Ben.

    Hi ben. That sounds like a good idea. My GP has asked me to drop in a copy of the results so she can send it off with the rreferral. I don't know if this is like you but to my partner I feel very comfortable speaking to but anyone else I just crumble. Like today I had a meeting with my solicitor and struggled to get a word out. I just cannot seem to think straight when in social situations. It's sort of like the whole world goes blury yet as soon as I'm back in the car with my partner I'm 'normal' again. What I did before visiting my GP was to tell my partner everything I wanted saying. Are you able to do this with yoir partner?

    Having done a lot of research these last few weeks it seems as if people with ASD can have many different symptoms etc. Like you like movies and creating things where as I like gardening but we both have a common interest of being obsessed by something. It seems like one person with Autism at one end of the scale find it very ddifficult to communicate (like me and you) yet at the othet end there is someone who is overly outgoing and finds communication very easy.

    Yes it would be brilliant to be friends. Do you have a way I can contact you directly? In normal life it feels as if I am the odd one out yet reading comments on here speaking to people like yourself makes me feel almost normal as you understand.

    With the text thing iI'm exactly the same. It gives me tjat few extra seconds to process things. My solicitor today suggested that in future I could write down what I want to say at home snd bring it withme so iI'm going to try and do that and see if it works in life. 

    Like you I have very few friends. I know lots of people and maybe have one close friend but as I struggle in social ssituations I don't meet up with anyone I know.

Reply
  • AllThingsBen said:

    Thanks for the in depth reply of what happened at your initial GP appointment. I will print out a copy of my test results to take with me as you mentioned they asked you about that, my score was in the 40's when i did it.

    I will have my wife to take along with me, she's used to doing a lot of talking for me so thats ok, but its just the feeling of felling like an idiot for not knowing what to say the moment you enter and the GP says, "how can i help you today Ben?". You know what i mean im sure.

    I'm glad you found something that helps (allotment), i'm not so great at gardening, i just cant seem to get into it, not my thing. I tend to watch/collect a lot of tv/movies and/or design things such as websites and games etc..

    If you want to know more about me, my thread is here, saves me re-writing everything.

    Anyway, it's nice to find and read about someone who sounds very similar when you feel like no one else and like you're just "different". If you need a friend with with autism process, feel free to talk to me, seems logical seeing as were pretty much in the same position. Like you i can only really conversate "normally" using text and typing, gives me time to actually think and plan what i'm trying to say, so i don't have any actual friends other than my wife, so a text friend would be cool.

    Anyway, thanks again for the advice regarding GP.

    Ben.

    Hi ben. That sounds like a good idea. My GP has asked me to drop in a copy of the results so she can send it off with the rreferral. I don't know if this is like you but to my partner I feel very comfortable speaking to but anyone else I just crumble. Like today I had a meeting with my solicitor and struggled to get a word out. I just cannot seem to think straight when in social situations. It's sort of like the whole world goes blury yet as soon as I'm back in the car with my partner I'm 'normal' again. What I did before visiting my GP was to tell my partner everything I wanted saying. Are you able to do this with yoir partner?

    Having done a lot of research these last few weeks it seems as if people with ASD can have many different symptoms etc. Like you like movies and creating things where as I like gardening but we both have a common interest of being obsessed by something. It seems like one person with Autism at one end of the scale find it very ddifficult to communicate (like me and you) yet at the othet end there is someone who is overly outgoing and finds communication very easy.

    Yes it would be brilliant to be friends. Do you have a way I can contact you directly? In normal life it feels as if I am the odd one out yet reading comments on here speaking to people like yourself makes me feel almost normal as you understand.

    With the text thing iI'm exactly the same. It gives me tjat few extra seconds to process things. My solicitor today suggested that in future I could write down what I want to say at home snd bring it withme so iI'm going to try and do that and see if it works in life. 

    Like you I have very few friends. I know lots of people and maybe have one close friend but as I struggle in social ssituations I don't meet up with anyone I know.

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