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I've been referred for assessment

Decee

I'm 29 years old and I've suffered many problems all the way through childhood until now. Being honest my life has been one massive train wreck. As a child my behaviour was blamed on my father dying at 4 years old. I was even fooled into believing this was why I felt different and why I misbehaved. But after a bad year I've started to take a long hard look at myself.

My partners mother is a foster carer and recently she has took on aan autistic child. People commented how much me and him were alike. This made me think and I started doing some research online about autism/aspergers and everything just clicked into place.

II've always felt different. Never felt like ive fitted in. Always avoid social situations as I dont know how to act and I just cant seem to think properly, I Get really anxious about going anywhere on my own. Change I find intolerable. I over analyse things and if things don't go to plan I get really upset. I have certain routines that I have to stick to. I get very obsessive about certain things and if I clean up it has to be done to perfection. I have real problems communicating. As I talk it doesn't come out as I think. I can't speak on the phone. I really enjoy spending time on my own. I've suffered many mental health problems but it's all been put down to depression.

As part of court pproceedings about child contact I had a psychiatric assessment done. He wrongly diagnosed me with a personality disorder but only included things that fitted his diagnosis and excluded things that didn't. He ddidn't ask me to do any questionaires etc.

I recently did a autism test online and got a really high score.

So I went to see my doctor today and presented my case and they agreed it looks like I may have it and they have referred me. Was really expecting them to say no but having looked at my medical history they agreed this may be the answer. It was like a lighbulb went off in the doctors head.

However she said there may be a year wait.

I am jjust so angry that no one has every considered this a posibility. None of these so called doctors not even my own mother. Why has it took me until 29 to figure out why I am like I am. I'm disgusted. I feel my life may have turned out different. I've pushed many people away from me as I don't know how to deal with others feelings and I've had a prison sentances because of this which started me on my journey of discovery.

I am so happy. Of course iI've still got to get the diagnosis but feel I've taken the first steps. People will finally start to understand me better. Not sure how I will feel about beinf labeled though.

II'm hoping that with a diagnosis I will be able to access support services etc which will improve my life.

My doctor has recommended that in the mean time I do cognative behaviour therapy. Would this be a good idea?

Thank you for reading.

Parents

  • Hi there

    Same as you.   I have been wondering ALL my life why I dont seem to fit in with other people.   In fact, I have never been able to understand why more other people dont wear say odd socks - they all seem to think Im a weirdo - so I make a joke and say "I have another pair like this at home"   It doesnt bother me tho....they do the same job as socks with a matching pattern.   Obviously I dont wear odd socks all the time!!

    Anyway, Ive suffered with depression(not ALL the time - but enough) going back a long way - I even remember our family doctor saying to me (family doctor, we would have been living in Bromley, which would make me a 13 year old back then.   He said once "tina, the world is not just made of black and white, there's shades of grey in between"

    I did an AQ test and got a score of 38 - so have been to my doctor.    My brother who was diagnosed as being Aspergers a couple of years ago by Tonbridge Mental Health, told me to write a list, of things - (like all the "weird" things that happen.....and how I just feel like a misfit - although Im by no means an idiot, but for some reason feel that I am.......etc., etc.,.SO unconfident/shy/awkward/ and yet 53 years old - you know what I mean I expect....

    I visited my doctor last week, and she listened to me - and was looking through my notes on her screen.   She told me she had no hesitation in referring me, but that it may take a while for her as things like ADHD and Aspergers are not funded by the NHS etc.,.

    But to me, just her referral has made a ton of difference.   I now know why Im like I am - Im wondering if I will be able to use my "smartness" in future to logically talk myself out of getting depressed when things get too much.   (like my heads going to explode with too much information)

    Writing a list helped - and I still found myself getting stuck on trying to get words out - even with my list.

    Hope it goes okay for you :-)

Reply

  • Hi there

    Same as you.   I have been wondering ALL my life why I dont seem to fit in with other people.   In fact, I have never been able to understand why more other people dont wear say odd socks - they all seem to think Im a weirdo - so I make a joke and say "I have another pair like this at home"   It doesnt bother me tho....they do the same job as socks with a matching pattern.   Obviously I dont wear odd socks all the time!!

    Anyway, Ive suffered with depression(not ALL the time - but enough) going back a long way - I even remember our family doctor saying to me (family doctor, we would have been living in Bromley, which would make me a 13 year old back then.   He said once "tina, the world is not just made of black and white, there's shades of grey in between"

    I did an AQ test and got a score of 38 - so have been to my doctor.    My brother who was diagnosed as being Aspergers a couple of years ago by Tonbridge Mental Health, told me to write a list, of things - (like all the "weird" things that happen.....and how I just feel like a misfit - although Im by no means an idiot, but for some reason feel that I am.......etc., etc.,.SO unconfident/shy/awkward/ and yet 53 years old - you know what I mean I expect....

    I visited my doctor last week, and she listened to me - and was looking through my notes on her screen.   She told me she had no hesitation in referring me, but that it may take a while for her as things like ADHD and Aspergers are not funded by the NHS etc.,.

    But to me, just her referral has made a ton of difference.   I now know why Im like I am - Im wondering if I will be able to use my "smartness" in future to logically talk myself out of getting depressed when things get too much.   (like my heads going to explode with too much information)

    Writing a list helped - and I still found myself getting stuck on trying to get words out - even with my list.

    Hope it goes okay for you :-)

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