I'm 29 years old and I've suffered many problems all the way through childhood until now. Being honest my life has been one massive train wreck. As a child my behaviour was blamed on my father dying at 4 years old. I was even fooled into believing this was why I felt different and why I misbehaved. But after a bad year I've started to take a long hard look at myself.
My partners mother is a foster carer and recently she has took on aan autistic child. People commented how much me and him were alike. This made me think and I started doing some research online about autism/aspergers and everything just clicked into place.
II've always felt different. Never felt like ive fitted in. Always avoid social situations as I dont know how to act and I just cant seem to think properly, I Get really anxious about going anywhere on my own. Change I find intolerable. I over analyse things and if things don't go to plan I get really upset. I have certain routines that I have to stick to. I get very obsessive about certain things and if I clean up it has to be done to perfection. I have real problems communicating. As I talk it doesn't come out as I think. I can't speak on the phone. I really enjoy spending time on my own. I've suffered many mental health problems but it's all been put down to depression.
As part of court pproceedings about child contact I had a psychiatric assessment done. He wrongly diagnosed me with a personality disorder but only included things that fitted his diagnosis and excluded things that didn't. He ddidn't ask me to do any questionaires etc.
I recently did a autism test online and got a really high score.
So I went to see my doctor today and presented my case and they agreed it looks like I may have it and they have referred me. Was really expecting them to say no but having looked at my medical history they agreed this may be the answer. It was like a lighbulb went off in the doctors head.
However she said there may be a year wait.
I am jjust so angry that no one has every considered this a posibility. None of these so called doctors not even my own mother. Why has it took me until 29 to figure out why I am like I am. I'm disgusted. I feel my life may have turned out different. I've pushed many people away from me as I don't know how to deal with others feelings and I've had a prison sentances because of this which started me on my journey of discovery.
I am so happy. Of course iI've still got to get the diagnosis but feel I've taken the first steps. People will finally start to understand me better. Not sure how I will feel about beinf labeled though.
II'm hoping that with a diagnosis I will be able to access support services etc which will improve my life.
My doctor has recommended that in the mean time I do cognative behaviour therapy. Would this be a good idea?
Thank you for reading.
