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I've been referred for assessment

Decee

I'm 29 years old and I've suffered many problems all the way through childhood until now. Being honest my life has been one massive train wreck. As a child my behaviour was blamed on my father dying at 4 years old. I was even fooled into believing this was why I felt different and why I misbehaved. But after a bad year I've started to take a long hard look at myself.

My partners mother is a foster carer and recently she has took on aan autistic child. People commented how much me and him were alike. This made me think and I started doing some research online about autism/aspergers and everything just clicked into place.

II've always felt different. Never felt like ive fitted in. Always avoid social situations as I dont know how to act and I just cant seem to think properly, I Get really anxious about going anywhere on my own. Change I find intolerable. I over analyse things and if things don't go to plan I get really upset. I have certain routines that I have to stick to. I get very obsessive about certain things and if I clean up it has to be done to perfection. I have real problems communicating. As I talk it doesn't come out as I think. I can't speak on the phone. I really enjoy spending time on my own. I've suffered many mental health problems but it's all been put down to depression.

As part of court pproceedings about child contact I had a psychiatric assessment done. He wrongly diagnosed me with a personality disorder but only included things that fitted his diagnosis and excluded things that didn't. He ddidn't ask me to do any questionaires etc.

I recently did a autism test online and got a really high score.

So I went to see my doctor today and presented my case and they agreed it looks like I may have it and they have referred me. Was really expecting them to say no but having looked at my medical history they agreed this may be the answer. It was like a lighbulb went off in the doctors head.

However she said there may be a year wait.

I am jjust so angry that no one has every considered this a posibility. None of these so called doctors not even my own mother. Why has it took me until 29 to figure out why I am like I am. I'm disgusted. I feel my life may have turned out different. I've pushed many people away from me as I don't know how to deal with others feelings and I've had a prison sentances because of this which started me on my journey of discovery.

I am so happy. Of course iI've still got to get the diagnosis but feel I've taken the first steps. People will finally start to understand me better. Not sure how I will feel about beinf labeled though.

II'm hoping that with a diagnosis I will be able to access support services etc which will improve my life.

My doctor has recommended that in the mean time I do cognative behaviour therapy. Would this be a good idea?

Thank you for reading.

Parents

  • Decee said:

    Hi Curious. I would say don't delay and seek a diagnosis whenever possible. I almost did it a year ago but was sort of in denial. It took a combination of events in my life to say right lets get to the bottom of this. I've never been good at explaining things to the doctor. Over the years I've tried many doctors and have finally found one that gets me snd makes me feel more comfortable than other doctors do so that also helped.

    I ddon't know if your like me but before things like going to see the doctor I over think it. I will always go through all the possible bad outcomes. I have tried to be more positive but I think maybe it's just my way of preparing myself incase a bad situation happens.

    Like you used to be able to do I can also recall convos word for word however it's very strange because at the time the convo doesn't go into my mind. It's only when I'm back on my own does my brain seem to process the convo and when it does its word for word. It really annoys my partner as she can be present for that convo yet when it's finished I will repeat it word for word almost as a way to gain assurances from her that what I think was said was said but shes very understanding. 

    Beware, long message ensues...

    I am very slow at making decisions. I need time to digest the information. I like finding out the details and weighing things up. For example, I have looked numerous times at the possibility of post graduate courses. With one of the courses they have stopped taking new students, so I may elk have missed my chance for the course I had identified favourably. For some things there is a protocol/process to follow - this makes things much easier, as it is reasoned and sets parameters.

    For something like seeking ASD diagnosis there is no single path. Although there are some "protocols" there are some differences. So that in itself requires some finding out about the best way to approach it (if I decide to). Then there is the prospect of the other minor health concerns I have - if I don't mention them at an appointment to request ASD assessment then do I pretend there are no other concerns? How long do I wait before making another appointment to discuss other issues? Then there is the preparation of relevant information (this is the most difficult - the other things well probably feel unsolvable one I get the hang of this one!). Taking along a completed test is clearly defined and manageable, but it is the actual individual information about me that is difficult to pin down (I'm taking time to do some finding out so that I can identify the aspects that are relevant) followed by the articulation of this at an appointment, as well as the prospect of bit being believed - more likely if I can't articulate myself clearly. This also relates to selecting a GP who is more likely to listen rather than to "know best" and be dismissive. After all, I appear to be doing fine - working, virtually no sick leave, long term partner.

    So I need to feel able to make my case and all the above is why I won't be contacting the surgery on Monday morning to request the next available double appointment!!! I also have not decided whether I will seek diagnosis. At the moment I suppose I think of myself as "questioning". I don't feel comfortable with self-diagnosis (perhaps the closest I would get in the future would be to say that I recognise myself in diagnostic criteria and/or among autistic people, but I am still to determine whether this is the case).

    Lastly, I usually find someone urging me to just do something that I feel unsure of has the opposite effect on me. On the other hand, if/when I finally get to the point of making a decision then I get on with doing it.

    (Any readers, please note my polite request (as polite as I can make it): I have seen a comment on this forum that someone working full time etc doesn't need a diagnosis. That's exactly the dismissiveness that can be very unhelpful so no RSVP if anyone is considering going down that route. Thank you in anticipation of respecting this request.)

Reply

  • Decee said:

    Hi Curious. I would say don't delay and seek a diagnosis whenever possible. I almost did it a year ago but was sort of in denial. It took a combination of events in my life to say right lets get to the bottom of this. I've never been good at explaining things to the doctor. Over the years I've tried many doctors and have finally found one that gets me snd makes me feel more comfortable than other doctors do so that also helped.

    I ddon't know if your like me but before things like going to see the doctor I over think it. I will always go through all the possible bad outcomes. I have tried to be more positive but I think maybe it's just my way of preparing myself incase a bad situation happens.

    Like you used to be able to do I can also recall convos word for word however it's very strange because at the time the convo doesn't go into my mind. It's only when I'm back on my own does my brain seem to process the convo and when it does its word for word. It really annoys my partner as she can be present for that convo yet when it's finished I will repeat it word for word almost as a way to gain assurances from her that what I think was said was said but shes very understanding. 

    Beware, long message ensues...

    I am very slow at making decisions. I need time to digest the information. I like finding out the details and weighing things up. For example, I have looked numerous times at the possibility of post graduate courses. With one of the courses they have stopped taking new students, so I may elk have missed my chance for the course I had identified favourably. For some things there is a protocol/process to follow - this makes things much easier, as it is reasoned and sets parameters.

    For something like seeking ASD diagnosis there is no single path. Although there are some "protocols" there are some differences. So that in itself requires some finding out about the best way to approach it (if I decide to). Then there is the prospect of the other minor health concerns I have - if I don't mention them at an appointment to request ASD assessment then do I pretend there are no other concerns? How long do I wait before making another appointment to discuss other issues? Then there is the preparation of relevant information (this is the most difficult - the other things well probably feel unsolvable one I get the hang of this one!). Taking along a completed test is clearly defined and manageable, but it is the actual individual information about me that is difficult to pin down (I'm taking time to do some finding out so that I can identify the aspects that are relevant) followed by the articulation of this at an appointment, as well as the prospect of bit being believed - more likely if I can't articulate myself clearly. This also relates to selecting a GP who is more likely to listen rather than to "know best" and be dismissive. After all, I appear to be doing fine - working, virtually no sick leave, long term partner.

    So I need to feel able to make my case and all the above is why I won't be contacting the surgery on Monday morning to request the next available double appointment!!! I also have not decided whether I will seek diagnosis. At the moment I suppose I think of myself as "questioning". I don't feel comfortable with self-diagnosis (perhaps the closest I would get in the future would be to say that I recognise myself in diagnostic criteria and/or among autistic people, but I am still to determine whether this is the case).

    Lastly, I usually find someone urging me to just do something that I feel unsure of has the opposite effect on me. On the other hand, if/when I finally get to the point of making a decision then I get on with doing it.

    (Any readers, please note my polite request (as polite as I can make it): I have seen a comment on this forum that someone working full time etc doesn't need a diagnosis. That's exactly the dismissiveness that can be very unhelpful so no RSVP if anyone is considering going down that route. Thank you in anticipation of respecting this request.)

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