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I've been referred for assessment

Decee

I'm 29 years old and I've suffered many problems all the way through childhood until now. Being honest my life has been one massive train wreck. As a child my behaviour was blamed on my father dying at 4 years old. I was even fooled into believing this was why I felt different and why I misbehaved. But after a bad year I've started to take a long hard look at myself.

My partners mother is a foster carer and recently she has took on aan autistic child. People commented how much me and him were alike. This made me think and I started doing some research online about autism/aspergers and everything just clicked into place.

II've always felt different. Never felt like ive fitted in. Always avoid social situations as I dont know how to act and I just cant seem to think properly, I Get really anxious about going anywhere on my own. Change I find intolerable. I over analyse things and if things don't go to plan I get really upset. I have certain routines that I have to stick to. I get very obsessive about certain things and if I clean up it has to be done to perfection. I have real problems communicating. As I talk it doesn't come out as I think. I can't speak on the phone. I really enjoy spending time on my own. I've suffered many mental health problems but it's all been put down to depression.

As part of court pproceedings about child contact I had a psychiatric assessment done. He wrongly diagnosed me with a personality disorder but only included things that fitted his diagnosis and excluded things that didn't. He ddidn't ask me to do any questionaires etc.

I recently did a autism test online and got a really high score.

So I went to see my doctor today and presented my case and they agreed it looks like I may have it and they have referred me. Was really expecting them to say no but having looked at my medical history they agreed this may be the answer. It was like a lighbulb went off in the doctors head.

However she said there may be a year wait.

I am jjust so angry that no one has every considered this a posibility. None of these so called doctors not even my own mother. Why has it took me until 29 to figure out why I am like I am. I'm disgusted. I feel my life may have turned out different. I've pushed many people away from me as I don't know how to deal with others feelings and I've had a prison sentances because of this which started me on my journey of discovery.

I am so happy. Of course iI've still got to get the diagnosis but feel I've taken the first steps. People will finally start to understand me better. Not sure how I will feel about beinf labeled though.

II'm hoping that with a diagnosis I will be able to access support services etc which will improve my life.

My doctor has recommended that in the mean time I do cognative behaviour therapy. Would this be a good idea?

Thank you for reading.

Parents

  • Hi Ben.

    Thanks for your reply. I was exactly like you whilst I was awaiting my appointment. I actually tried doing this a year ago but bottled it. I took my partner with me as she understands me which made me feel a little better. To be honest I can't go out on my own unless my partner comes. Is there someone you can take along with you?

    Like you I dont talk to people ever so this frightened the hell out of me. I walked into the room and immediately started to panic and felt veey hot and started sweeting excessively. just can't seem to think straight in these situations. The conversation went something like this.

    Me: Recently I have been on a journey of self discovery.  I've never felt normal in life and I've had many problems in life. I'm at the point where I am now starting to think why am I like I am. I have done research online and I display many symptoms of ASD. I did an online test and that came out quite high.

    Doctor: What was your score?

    Me: 35

    Doctor: What was your childhood like?

    Me: I felt like I never fitted in. I misbehaved to avoid social situations and as I had trouble communicating my thoughts. I had a childrens psychiatrics and he just blamed everything on my fatger dying.

    Doctor: Can you explain your symptoms

    Me: Explained all my symptoms and partner helped when I fot stuck.

    Doctor: (looked at my medical history) Ok from what you have described and by looking at your history of depression and anxiety this is something we need to explore further as it's very likely you may have ASD. However as diagnosing adults is a new service in this area it may take upto a year.

    Sorry for such detail but I have a photographic memory.

    Exactly like you I over-think, out-think and re-think absolutely everything. Sometimes it can be really great as it means I am able to achieve great things but on the other hand it can destroy my life.

    Not affraid to hide what has happened so this time last year I ended up in prison for 3 months as I had another break down at the same time had an arguement with a friend over text message and said a few things I shouldn't have that ended up getting me in trouble. However thr messages I sent came accross different to what I was trying to say. This started me thinking I can't keep on in life like this and it gave me 3 months to think why I'm like this etc. Prison was a great place for me in that it gave me routine and structure to my days. Set meal times. Wake up at certain times but again on the other hand it was a terrible experience as I felt I didn't fit in there and communication was a big problem as I can't communicate with anyone so asking the guards for some toothpaste  etc was impossible. Having no one to remind me to shower, brush my teeth etc was also difficult.

    6 Months ago I took on an allotment. This has helped me so much. Ok iI'm not able to go there on my own and I do feel very uneasy if someone comes and talks to me and I feel as if everyone is judging my plot and everything takes me so long to do as it has to be done to perfection but apart from that it's been great for me. It keeps my mind focused. Ive had some pretty serious stresses this last 6 months but I've handled it greatly where as in the past I've crumbled. It may be because all I'm focused on is my allotment. It may just be that im so physically worn out I just haven't got the energy to think about the other stuff. My doctor did say gardening releases feel good hormones. But like evrything I'm now obsessed by my allotment. I also gives me a feeling of achievement every day. I've also become less obsessive about things at home.

    The last few weeks I have become obsessed with ASD and done so much research I feel like an expert. The women chaser on the chase has aspergers and tthat's exactly wherr she gets her knowledge from. She becomes obsessed by one subject and researches that subject until she knows everything and becomes bored of it. I'm exactly the same.

    Anyways sorry for going on. It's so strange I can communicate quite well in written form but there is no way I could speak all of what I have just written in a conversation. It's impossible for me.

    Good luck with your appointment. Maybe you could write your symptoms down incase you get tongue tied? 

Reply

  • Hi Ben.

    Thanks for your reply. I was exactly like you whilst I was awaiting my appointment. I actually tried doing this a year ago but bottled it. I took my partner with me as she understands me which made me feel a little better. To be honest I can't go out on my own unless my partner comes. Is there someone you can take along with you?

    Like you I dont talk to people ever so this frightened the hell out of me. I walked into the room and immediately started to panic and felt veey hot and started sweeting excessively. just can't seem to think straight in these situations. The conversation went something like this.

    Me: Recently I have been on a journey of self discovery.  I've never felt normal in life and I've had many problems in life. I'm at the point where I am now starting to think why am I like I am. I have done research online and I display many symptoms of ASD. I did an online test and that came out quite high.

    Doctor: What was your score?

    Me: 35

    Doctor: What was your childhood like?

    Me: I felt like I never fitted in. I misbehaved to avoid social situations and as I had trouble communicating my thoughts. I had a childrens psychiatrics and he just blamed everything on my fatger dying.

    Doctor: Can you explain your symptoms

    Me: Explained all my symptoms and partner helped when I fot stuck.

    Doctor: (looked at my medical history) Ok from what you have described and by looking at your history of depression and anxiety this is something we need to explore further as it's very likely you may have ASD. However as diagnosing adults is a new service in this area it may take upto a year.

    Sorry for such detail but I have a photographic memory.

    Exactly like you I over-think, out-think and re-think absolutely everything. Sometimes it can be really great as it means I am able to achieve great things but on the other hand it can destroy my life.

    Not affraid to hide what has happened so this time last year I ended up in prison for 3 months as I had another break down at the same time had an arguement with a friend over text message and said a few things I shouldn't have that ended up getting me in trouble. However thr messages I sent came accross different to what I was trying to say. This started me thinking I can't keep on in life like this and it gave me 3 months to think why I'm like this etc. Prison was a great place for me in that it gave me routine and structure to my days. Set meal times. Wake up at certain times but again on the other hand it was a terrible experience as I felt I didn't fit in there and communication was a big problem as I can't communicate with anyone so asking the guards for some toothpaste  etc was impossible. Having no one to remind me to shower, brush my teeth etc was also difficult.

    6 Months ago I took on an allotment. This has helped me so much. Ok iI'm not able to go there on my own and I do feel very uneasy if someone comes and talks to me and I feel as if everyone is judging my plot and everything takes me so long to do as it has to be done to perfection but apart from that it's been great for me. It keeps my mind focused. Ive had some pretty serious stresses this last 6 months but I've handled it greatly where as in the past I've crumbled. It may be because all I'm focused on is my allotment. It may just be that im so physically worn out I just haven't got the energy to think about the other stuff. My doctor did say gardening releases feel good hormones. But like evrything I'm now obsessed by my allotment. I also gives me a feeling of achievement every day. I've also become less obsessive about things at home.

    The last few weeks I have become obsessed with ASD and done so much research I feel like an expert. The women chaser on the chase has aspergers and tthat's exactly wherr she gets her knowledge from. She becomes obsessed by one subject and researches that subject until she knows everything and becomes bored of it. I'm exactly the same.

    Anyways sorry for going on. It's so strange I can communicate quite well in written form but there is no way I could speak all of what I have just written in a conversation. It's impossible for me.

    Good luck with your appointment. Maybe you could write your symptoms down incase you get tongue tied? 

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