Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
So recently I have been struggling Mentally and Physically, I have ADHD and Autism so I struggle a LOT with my emotions especially anger and anxiety, everyday is like a massive problem for me, Emotional dis-regulation is the worst thing for me, it just takes over my entire control of emotions and it's too hard to deal with.
Sometimes I get quite agitated with my emotions I feel like ripping my hair out, sometimes it gets as bad where I end up almost breaking something like a Laptop or TV in the room and my Anxiety takes over during that stage.
It goes a bit like
Anger ---> Sadness ---> anxiety ---> tired.
That's basically how my emotions roll with me after either an argument or absolute fail at something
Please give me some tips on how I can regulate my emotions and take control over them
Welcome. What you have described is a tough situation to experience. However, you are not alone. I would be surprised if you didn't get quite a few good ideas from people in our Community.
Zo mentioned stress / fidget toys. This is worth some experimentation. When I first became aware of the idea of them I was really not sure that would be for me. I have ignored whether something was aimed at adults or children and approached they different items available with an open mind. In my case, I have found that although some folks like super-squeeshy fidget toys - I far prefer those stress / fidget toys which offer greater resistence, are quiet (not a lot of clicks / pops etc. so you are more likely to use them out and about too), are small enough to keep in a pocket, and are inexpensive enough that you don't worry about potentially leaving them somewhere or losing the item (as it would be easily replaced ...the idea is to reduce stress, not add to you worries, after all!).
You might find there is merit for you in seeking out a (perfect for you) type of ball which lends itself to being bounced on the ground / against a wall. I have been known to adopt this strategy when waiting around for something - when I am early for an appointment / stressed in anticipation of a new experience etc.
What Iain explains about our likelihood of tending to connect more readily with the more primal versions emotions is an important message. If you can access a therapist with experience of Autism they will understand that and hopefully be able to suggest ways appropriate to you and your situation to explore looking at those emotions from a fresh perspective and extending your range of identifying more nuanced emotions. Sometimes I believe we can be a bit short on the breadth of vocabulary of emotions (impacted by Alexithymia).
In the meantime, Zo raises a good suggesion about experimenting with drawing (it does not mean you need to be good at it - I sometimes prefer to think of it as doodling - to take the pressure off "this image needs to be good / perfect"). Some people like to keep a visual journal (I find it a bit of a pressure to call my sketchbook "a journal" as I don't feel like doodling everyday the way some people keep a diary). i prefer to use my A5 sketchbook in boring / tedious / stressful situations as a) a worthwhile distraction and b) a means of checking in with myself "how are you doing?". If I have been in a workplace meeting or healthcare appointment and I have caught myself doodling in the margin of my notebook / whatever agenda paperwork etc. was to hand - I just go with the doodling and then later try to reflect upon what I experienced might have initiated to doodle. Not to worry if it is not immediately obvious - just let your sub-conscious rumble on it for a few days-worth of sleep and ask yourself the same question (what was that doodling likey about) again later in the week. You might surprise yourself what insight that process might provide.
The following book may give you an insight into the condition and some ways to better regulate your emotions:
Emotional Processing Deficits and Happiness, Assessing the Measurement, Correlates, and Well-Being of People with Alexithymia - Linden R. Timoney, Mark D. HolderISBN 9789400771765
It is partucularly difficult to relf-remedy so I would recommend using a therapist with experience of the subject as well as being trained in autism so you get the best possible fit.
At the core of it is understanding your emotions at any point in time - we tend to only connect well with the more primal ones (anger, fear, sadness) when the other ones are harder to pick up on. If you can mix a bit of mindfulness into your thinking it will help a lot with connecting to your emotions across the board and being able to express them in a healthy way.
Why did I imagine this said by Yoda? Am I weird?
welcome to the community. I dont know weather you have diffuculty writeing or if you dont cause your new but one thing you could do is write down what you are thinking and how you feell. another thing you could do is maybe if you are comfidant in drawing which I dont know if you are or not you could draw how you feell. it doesnt matter what your writeing or drawing is like as long as it helps you deal with you emotions.
otherwise there is things designed for people who struggle with emotions like stress balls or fidget toys that you can spin and other things like that that can help people who get stressed and find them hard to deal with.
another thing you can do if you dont have an issue with the dark is switch the light off or only have a dim light to help you relax. another thing is if you find them hard to deal with you could get something like a punching bag abit like what people use to practice there punches in martial arts to help deal with the stress aswell. you could also go for a run too
as for the failing part remember that if you never fail in anything then you wont learn from failures and learn where you can improve. think to yourself what can I do better next time. think of failures as like a lesson on what to do and how to get better next time. and in the end you will get better next time and the likelihood of sucess increases. but for everything you have said as a whole these are just some ideas iv come up with