Want to improve social skills

Hi caretwo

Yes indeed the ICD-10 manual is referenced in the UK.

I personally am deeply unhappy that Apsergers has been officially removed from the DSM, and if the ICD-11 follows suit then Aspergers is officially expunged from existence.

I think the neuro-diversity movement has sleepwalked into this without putting up a fight and without realizing the long term implications, which makes me wonder.

I have heard all the arguments in favour of this move and I do not buy them. I have also heard the so called surveys and evidence that it does not matter, this too I do not buy. It does matter.

And the fact that people who have been diagnosed with Aspergers may not lose their previous diagnosis is irrelevant.

My opinion is that this move was motivated by a political and economic agenda and not a clinical one.

Also, Aspergers is a distinct identity important to Aspies, this is a long discussion in itself.

The ‘disability’ component of the new DSM diagnostic criteria is the sinister part in my view.

Because Aspergers is a so called ‘mild’ form of autism, there is already evidence and talk that if a person is in employment or in a marriage that they may not meet the level of disability required to meet the new criteria, because the level of disability is not an objective measure but purely a subjective qualitative judgement open to a very wide range of interpretation. The so called levels are totally vague and ambiguous, totally up to the discretion of the individual clinician. So a vast number of people, I believe,  who neurologically and otherwise do in fact have Aspergers and should be diagnosed will be excluded from diagnosis, which will be bad for the individuals, but good for the insurance companies and politicians for economic reasons across the globe.

Just take for example the current situation in the UK with Disability living allowance assessments. There are horror stories of people on the autistic spectrum who are practically disabled in many respects but are deemed not to be so by these assessors. Why ? Because their frames of reference for disability are limited, different, and are also vague, ambiguous, subjective and open to a wide range of interpretation. The definitions are abstract.

People on the autistic spectrum represent an economic burden in certain quarters across the globe, so the concept of ‘disability’ is it seems conveniently manipulated for the interests of the people who have to pay out money, in order to limit these costs; that is how I see it. This I believe is a social injustice.

I sometimes wonder whether the neuro-diversity movement is not part of this hidden economic and political agenda. People it seems are being brainwashed to see disability as stigma, so they prefer to be called different, or differently abled. Suddenly real disabled people are no longer disabled, so they don’t need to be given economic support.

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and I acknowledge that I have a wide range of severe mental process disabilities which are invisible and difficult to define and quantify, but they severely limit my capacity to perform adequately on a day to day basis in different contexts . They severely impact on the quality of my life and in fact are threatening my survival. In the past I fortunately had certain support structures that have assisted me up until now, but these have fallen away and been lost, and now I am struggling to get help because I believe there is a hidden agenda to pretend to offer help when in fact real help is nowhere on offer.

According to DLA assessments this piece I have written here would almost certainly prove I can ‘communicate’ because their definition of ‘communication’ is different to the criteria for autism, so therefore I am not disabled in this respect. In fact I have a vast range of communication disabilities, which are so severe that in certain contexts could cost me my life, but the DLA’s frames of reference are inadequate and socially unjust to people like myself on the autistic spectrum. I believe that the diagnostic criteria of the new DSM and ICD-11 may also lead to social injustice on the ‘disability’ score.

I do not buy the argument that the word ‘disability’ sees the glass as half full, and that it is negative thinking. Society needs to support and accommodate people who have disabilities who cannot support themselves. And I am not just talking about visible physical disabilities, but invisible hidden ones people on the autistic spectrum have.  To the world I say, do not try to tell me I am not disabled just so you don’t have to help me, and tell me I am different and so therefore I must help myself; this is a travesty. Do not dare tell me I am not disabled because I may have a job or be married. In fact do not dare tell me I am not disabled because you cannot see it. If I feel disabled do not try to brainwash me just so you can wash your hands of responsibility. Mental disability is not a stigma, and it is not negative thinking, and it is not pessimism, it’s not something to be ashamed of. If I ask for help then please help me. This is my message to the world and society at every level.

Thanks caretwo

I think someone can be an introvert yet still enjoy going to parties. The big problem with people on the AS, as far as I have gathered, is that they have trouble reading people and how they should react to visual cues, something an introvert wouldn't experience to the same degree.

It seems that Aspies also have problems with social imagination too, which I think means being able to put themselves in the shoes of another who they are interacting with. This is obviously a problem because you're never sure how the other person will see you, so that at times, you may be acting inappropiately.

The other problem, of course, is the sensory overload Aspies can experience in a social setting and the need to escape from it when things become too overwhelming.

An interesting question is , are you not just an introvert as opposed to having Aspergers Syndrome ? Introvertion is a personality type measured by the myers briggs personality scale. Aspergers is a disability. In the UK in Law, under the mental health act,  Apsergers/autism is a mental disorder. The new DSM in America has removed the Aspergers diagnosis and put it under the autism spectrum diagnosis, and under this new scheme you have to display a certain degree of disability to be diagnosed, a few traits are not sufficient. GP's are reluctant to refer people simply on traits, you need to be having serious mental health issues and disabilities and coping problems in life to go down this route. A diagnosis is a double edged sword because it can be a stigma. An official NHS  diagnosis may be usefull if you want your company to officially make special accommodations to your work environment to help you do your job to compensate for your mental disability, under the disability and equality act in the UK.

Thanks for the volunteering suggestion. I'm a keen hill-walker (although this hasn't helped me meet people much so far), so I've just sent an email to the volunteers department of my nearest national park.

I'm forty+ and married but please don't dismiss my comment too quickly as I still have dreadful social problems. I am also trying to socialize as outside the family I have no social friends (and somehow aquaintances at work are left at work).

I personally love the outdoors and nature. I have found "work parties" ideal as you are amoungst likeminded people but if you need to retreat you simply vanish back into the job at hand or wander off to do a task on your own. The "social" bits are therfore in small managable chunks. The"work" gives you the excuse to be there so you can step over the hurdle of trying of finding an excuse to meet the person.

The other thing is that this builds companions and friends on equal terms. I would understand if you said that you didn't want a "friend" but was looking for someone who you were special to. My wife is primarily my friend. This is how we met and where the strength lies.

Going back to the first point though. Finding someone special won't "fix" the social dificulty but you then go into those situations as a team, knowing that theres one person their who (sort of) understands you.

One last thing. Don't believe yourself about how you appear to others. They see qualities in you that you would never believe possible. They are a much better judge of whether they like you than you are no matter how much you disagree.

Dunk

You'll be very lucky if your GP is much help. Many people on this site have had great difficulty getting their GP to refer them on for diagnosis, so great is the ignorance of autism amongst GPs - some still think it a childhood condition you grow out of!

I do think that avoidance of social situations, while a natural reaction, is the wrong thing to do. That said I have huge difficulty anywhere there is background noise, even just others around me chatting.

I spent years doing the rounds of art classes and local societies.

Walking groups are useful because you are more likely to talk to thers while rampling along a country lane. Sport is also an important opportunity, just for my part my coordination has never allowed me to enjoy sport.

What may be more beneficial is something that "plunges you in at the deep end" - such as a debating society or a group that engages in discussion - political, social circuits, environmental issues etc., where you've got to engage. OK so you'll make a lot of gaffs at first, but you might adapt.

I've found committees, if properly chaired, a godsend, because your cue to speak is formalised and you address "the chair". There are so many committees you can get on to, such as disability groups, local government (look up your council democracy pages), public amenity, transport (eg rail user groups, bus user groups). They will increase your social circle and enhance your confidence.

I think you've got to get yourself into situations that "drag you kicking and screaming" into the NT world, rather than just dipping your toe in the water and reiterating no no no...way too cold...

Having broken down some barriers that ought to make you better at finding a partner.

I personally think getting a diagnosis is a good thing as it enables any would be partner the opportunity to enter into a relationship with you knowing what to expect.  You can both learn skills to cope and be able to have an open dialogue and support each other.  

You may find yourselves going to couples counselling as many couples do, and if they do not know about your condition you will probably  not get the support you need, being told to do things that nt  couples do, which may cause additional anxiety fo r you both.  

Good luck.