Want to improve social skills

Hello

I'm in my forties and think I have at least some Aspergers traits, and would like some advice on dealing with them better. I'm fortunate to be reasonably successful as a computer programmer, but outside work my social life is almost non-existent, and I've never been in a relationship with a woman. I was fairly resigned to this until the death of a parent a couple of years ago, but since then I strongly feel the need to experience life more fully.

I've always had problems making friends, and social situations are confusing for me. I'm worried about doing or saying the wrong thing (and sometimes realise afterwards I have), and as a consequence avoid social situations. I've tried things like travel, language classes and joining a sports club to improve my social skills, which I think has helped a bit, but it's also made me painfully aware of my social oddness. I also worry about the negative impact my behaviour has on those around me. I think on-line dating might be beyond me at present.

I think I might benefit from some kind of professional help. Is my GP the best place to start? I don't necessarily want a formal diagnosis, and I'm a bit concerned that it might jeopardize the security clearance I need for my job. Is private counselling a sensible option? How would I go about finding one in the Bristol area?

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi caretwo

    Yes indeed the ICD-10 manual is referenced in the UK.

    I personally am deeply unhappy that Apsergers has been officially removed from the DSM, and if the ICD-11 follows suit then Aspergers is officially expunged from existence.

    I think the neuro-diversity movement has sleepwalked into this without putting up a fight and without realizing the long term implications, which makes me wonder.

    I have heard all the arguments in favour of this move and I do not buy them. I have also heard the so called surveys and evidence that it does not matter, this too I do not buy. It does matter.

    And the fact that people who have been diagnosed with Aspergers may not lose their previous diagnosis is irrelevant.

    My opinion is that this move was motivated by a political and economic agenda and not a clinical one.

    Also, Aspergers is a distinct identity important to Aspies, this is a long discussion in itself.

    The ‘disability’ component of the new DSM diagnostic criteria is the sinister part in my view.

    Because Aspergers is a so called ‘mild’ form of autism, there is already evidence and talk that if a person is in employment or in a marriage that they may not meet the level of disability required to meet the new criteria, because the level of disability is not an objective measure but purely a subjective qualitative judgement open to a very wide range of interpretation. The so called levels are totally vague and ambiguous, totally up to the discretion of the individual clinician. So a vast number of people, I believe,  who neurologically and otherwise do in fact have Aspergers and should be diagnosed will be excluded from diagnosis, which will be bad for the individuals, but good for the insurance companies and politicians for economic reasons across the globe.

    Just take for example the current situation in the UK with Disability living allowance assessments. There are horror stories of people on the autistic spectrum who are practically disabled in many respects but are deemed not to be so by these assessors. Why ? Because their frames of reference for disability are limited, different, and are also vague, ambiguous, subjective and open to a wide range of interpretation. The definitions are abstract.

    People on the autistic spectrum represent an economic burden in certain quarters across the globe, so the concept of ‘disability’ is it seems conveniently manipulated for the interests of the people who have to pay out money, in order to limit these costs; that is how I see it. This I believe is a social injustice.

    I sometimes wonder whether the neuro-diversity movement is not part of this hidden economic and political agenda. People it seems are being brainwashed to see disability as stigma, so they prefer to be called different, or differently abled. Suddenly real disabled people are no longer disabled, so they don’t need to be given economic support.

    I have Aspergers Syndrome, and I acknowledge that I have a wide range of severe mental process disabilities which are invisible and difficult to define and quantify, but they severely limit my capacity to perform adequately on a day to day basis in different contexts . They severely impact on the quality of my life and in fact are threatening my survival. In the past I fortunately had certain support structures that have assisted me up until now, but these have fallen away and been lost, and now I am struggling to get help because I believe there is a hidden agenda to pretend to offer help when in fact real help is nowhere on offer.

    According to DLA assessments this piece I have written here would almost certainly prove I can ‘communicate’ because their definition of ‘communication’ is different to the criteria for autism, so therefore I am not disabled in this respect. In fact I have a vast range of communication disabilities, which are so severe that in certain contexts could cost me my life, but the DLA’s frames of reference are inadequate and socially unjust to people like myself on the autistic spectrum. I believe that the diagnostic criteria of the new DSM and ICD-11 may also lead to social injustice on the ‘disability’ score.

    I do not buy the argument that the word ‘disability’ sees the glass as half full, and that it is negative thinking. Society needs to support and accommodate people who have disabilities who cannot support themselves. And I am not just talking about visible physical disabilities, but invisible hidden ones people on the autistic spectrum have.  To the world I say, do not try to tell me I am not disabled just so you don’t have to help me, and tell me I am different and so therefore I must help myself; this is a travesty. Do not dare tell me I am not disabled because I may have a job or be married. In fact do not dare tell me I am not disabled because you cannot see it. If I feel disabled do not try to brainwash me just so you can wash your hands of responsibility. Mental disability is not a stigma, and it is not negative thinking, and it is not pessimism, it’s not something to be ashamed of. If I ask for help then please help me. This is my message to the world and society at every level.

     

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi caretwo

    Yes indeed the ICD-10 manual is referenced in the UK.

    I personally am deeply unhappy that Apsergers has been officially removed from the DSM, and if the ICD-11 follows suit then Aspergers is officially expunged from existence.

    I think the neuro-diversity movement has sleepwalked into this without putting up a fight and without realizing the long term implications, which makes me wonder.

    I have heard all the arguments in favour of this move and I do not buy them. I have also heard the so called surveys and evidence that it does not matter, this too I do not buy. It does matter.

    And the fact that people who have been diagnosed with Aspergers may not lose their previous diagnosis is irrelevant.

    My opinion is that this move was motivated by a political and economic agenda and not a clinical one.

    Also, Aspergers is a distinct identity important to Aspies, this is a long discussion in itself.

    The ‘disability’ component of the new DSM diagnostic criteria is the sinister part in my view.

    Because Aspergers is a so called ‘mild’ form of autism, there is already evidence and talk that if a person is in employment or in a marriage that they may not meet the level of disability required to meet the new criteria, because the level of disability is not an objective measure but purely a subjective qualitative judgement open to a very wide range of interpretation. The so called levels are totally vague and ambiguous, totally up to the discretion of the individual clinician. So a vast number of people, I believe,  who neurologically and otherwise do in fact have Aspergers and should be diagnosed will be excluded from diagnosis, which will be bad for the individuals, but good for the insurance companies and politicians for economic reasons across the globe.

    Just take for example the current situation in the UK with Disability living allowance assessments. There are horror stories of people on the autistic spectrum who are practically disabled in many respects but are deemed not to be so by these assessors. Why ? Because their frames of reference for disability are limited, different, and are also vague, ambiguous, subjective and open to a wide range of interpretation. The definitions are abstract.

    People on the autistic spectrum represent an economic burden in certain quarters across the globe, so the concept of ‘disability’ is it seems conveniently manipulated for the interests of the people who have to pay out money, in order to limit these costs; that is how I see it. This I believe is a social injustice.

    I sometimes wonder whether the neuro-diversity movement is not part of this hidden economic and political agenda. People it seems are being brainwashed to see disability as stigma, so they prefer to be called different, or differently abled. Suddenly real disabled people are no longer disabled, so they don’t need to be given economic support.

    I have Aspergers Syndrome, and I acknowledge that I have a wide range of severe mental process disabilities which are invisible and difficult to define and quantify, but they severely limit my capacity to perform adequately on a day to day basis in different contexts . They severely impact on the quality of my life and in fact are threatening my survival. In the past I fortunately had certain support structures that have assisted me up until now, but these have fallen away and been lost, and now I am struggling to get help because I believe there is a hidden agenda to pretend to offer help when in fact real help is nowhere on offer.

    According to DLA assessments this piece I have written here would almost certainly prove I can ‘communicate’ because their definition of ‘communication’ is different to the criteria for autism, so therefore I am not disabled in this respect. In fact I have a vast range of communication disabilities, which are so severe that in certain contexts could cost me my life, but the DLA’s frames of reference are inadequate and socially unjust to people like myself on the autistic spectrum. I believe that the diagnostic criteria of the new DSM and ICD-11 may also lead to social injustice on the ‘disability’ score.

    I do not buy the argument that the word ‘disability’ sees the glass as half full, and that it is negative thinking. Society needs to support and accommodate people who have disabilities who cannot support themselves. And I am not just talking about visible physical disabilities, but invisible hidden ones people on the autistic spectrum have.  To the world I say, do not try to tell me I am not disabled just so you don’t have to help me, and tell me I am different and so therefore I must help myself; this is a travesty. Do not dare tell me I am not disabled because I may have a job or be married. In fact do not dare tell me I am not disabled because you cannot see it. If I feel disabled do not try to brainwash me just so you can wash your hands of responsibility. Mental disability is not a stigma, and it is not negative thinking, and it is not pessimism, it’s not something to be ashamed of. If I ask for help then please help me. This is my message to the world and society at every level.

     

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