Published on 12, July, 2020
I have started my second year at a small university. I didn't make any friends last year and now I am spending all my time on my own and I am feeling really bad about this. There are no clubs that do anything that I would be interested so I am spending all my time doing things on my own which is making me feel really down.
I have not had any friends in years and I used to feel ok about this but recently this has made me feel really down however I feel really anxious in social situations and I do not know how to start to make friends or even start to chat to people so I feel traped in a cycle.
When I went to university, I went to a societies fayre, not being sporty I avoided the stalls for the sport clubs. Then I saw a stall for a club for people who aren't good at doing things, so I joined. At the end of the academic year, I realised that I hadn't had much for my subscription as they either weren't very good at organising events or they weren't very good at informing people about the events that they put on.
Autistic people are often not great at making the first move socially but very often we’re good at being organised. How about starting a student club? Maybe you’d meet some friends that way. You’d probably need a certain number of signatures to form one anyway. Most student unions have a rule like that.
so that’s basically a licence to get a clipboard with a sign up sheet on it and approach randoms on campus to talk about your favourite topic (that you’ll make a society about).
even if you don’t start the society gives you an excuse to introduce yourself to people with out worrying about small talk because you’ve a solid and direct reason for approaching strangers.
Is there anything like pilates or yoga clubs? I found those are the best places to find friends because people tend to be gentle and introverted in such groups. They often go for coffee after the session, doing that can help you make friends. It takes a lot of time though, don't rush it. By time, I mean going there week after week and gradually building up friendships. It's unlikely you'll make close friends instantly, especially in Britain.
I'm afraid that you will have to become proactive; waiting for someone to approach you is not working and probably will not in the future. My autistic daughter changed universities and though it is her second year, it is her first year at a new place. She joined a couple of societies including fencing, which she had no experience of before, and has been out on pub quiz eveninigs and suchlike social events with the people in the societies. Union societies are a good entry into social groups and you may have to move out of your comfort zone - which while comfortable, appears to be rather too sterile for you - and try someting new.