Making friends at university

Hi! I study at a small Uni as well and people are pretty snob there. At least for a weirdo like me. I don't go to clubs or parties because I can't stay long due to noise and/or lights. 

I started sharing studying materials with some students and on some classes we also had working groups. that ended up helping in the end. Now I have two or three decent closer collegues.

O also found a yoga class. It actually helped me with reducing my anxiety and the people there are so different and easy going. So tolerant. I feel really good around them. 

It is a long time since I was at university, but when I had graduated and was looking for a job, I found that employers like graduates to have done more than just study when they were in full time higher education. 

Being a class representative.  Being a member of clubs (particularly if you can show an achievement, winning a prize, helping people etc), perhaps even running a club (particularly if part of a team), organising an event, looks better on a curriculum vitae than just a degree.  I think most employers want to hire people with good people skills, all the more reason to mix with other students.

I did a further course and I could see that some people tried doing these things to improve their prospects.

I think you are right here. In the first semester of my first year, I was speaking with some non-autistic students and they also said how lonely they were and also how home sick they were :( 

indigocard Wrote:

You shouldn't feel pressure to be living a life where you are always doing something and hanging out with someone. It is okay to spend some time with yourself and it is also okay to have days where you don't feel ok. Feeling lonely at university is very common, and it should be spoken about more often.

I am sorry to hear this. I have just finished my third year and I was in the same situation for the duration of my uni life. Covid happened half way through my second year, so maybe I wouldn't have if Covid never happened? I did the board games society but I still felt like an outside and did not make friends. I hope it goes better for you. I ended up calling my mum to talk to on most of my breaks :-/

Hi there. This is something that I really struggle with too - friends - though my Uni days were a long time ago now.

I think that lockdown make it especially difficult for first years to make friends - my son is a second year this year too.

What sort of friend are you looking for? And I mean that in the literal sense: what do they like. What are they interested in? 

I also often feel trapped in the cycle and have started to believe that I need autistic people around me. And though none of my (few) friends identify as such, they are like me. 

Take care out there.

Mrs Snooks

When I went to university, I went to a societies fayre, not being sporty I avoided the stalls for the sport clubs. Then I saw a stall for a club for people who aren't good at doing things, so I joined. At the end of the academic year, I realised that I hadn't had much for my subscription as they either weren't very good at organising events or they weren't very good at informing people about the events that they put on.

Autistic people are often not great at making the first move socially but very often we’re good at being organised. How about starting a student club? Maybe you’d meet some friends that way. You’d probably need a certain number of signatures to form one anyway. Most student unions have a rule like that.

so that’s basically a licence to get a clipboard with a sign up sheet on it and approach randoms on campus to talk about your favourite topic (that you’ll make a society about).

even if you don’t start the society gives you an excuse to introduce yourself to people with out worrying about small talk because you’ve a solid and direct reason for approaching strangers.

I'm afraid that you will have to become proactive; waiting for someone to approach you is not working and probably will not in the future. My autistic daughter changed universities and though it is her second year, it is her first year at a new place. She joined a couple of societies including fencing, which she had no experience of before, and has been out on pub quiz eveninigs and suchlike social events with the people in the societies. Union societies are a good entry into social groups and you may have to move out of your comfort zone - which while comfortable, appears to be rather too sterile for you - and try someting new.