Making friends at university

I think socially university wasn't a waste of time. I did make some friends there but unfortunately had a nervous breakdown in the final year so the friendships went a bit south. It was good for learning what I can and can't tolerate in life. I also learned to live with other people, budget for food and fuel, look after myself better in life.

But yes. Job-wise, uni was a waste of time, it was just good life experience otherwise.

A Trade is the way to make money.

Uni was, on reflection, a waste of time; for me.

I've got a degree but most of my jobs have been very low ranking and often meaningless and depressing. the degree didn't help me whatsoever. But I don't think I chose a good subject, it wasn't related to a job. So people should always choose a subject with a specific job in mind.

Focus on work relationships will still happen after uni. Districtions will only prevent you from success one thing I do no about ASD is were not very good balancing things out. Get a digree otherwise you'll end up in a diprressing meaningless job and not be able to go anywhere in life. 

A piece of good advice I read was something like:

Choose which world you want to belong to and someone like-minded will come along to join you there.

What it means is, choose your area of interest and find a group of people who are also interested in that e.g. motor racing- work as an engineer/ mechanic. Needlework- work as some kind of sewing craft person. Babies and children- work as a nanny/ midwife/ nurse. In those worlds you'll find like-minded friends.

This never occurred to me til recently!

Yes, people were more intelligent at university so I got on better with them. We all said that it was nice to meet people who knew what we were talking about instead of staring blankly when we tried to have a conversation.

But the emotional side was a killer because I hadn't had a boyfriend before and I started getting involved with boys, which I was unprepared for.

I also couldn't tell who was genuinely nice and who was just making fun of me/using me, so that didn't help. I'm better at that now.

Hi! I study at a small Uni as well and people are pretty snob there. At least for a weirdo like me. I don't go to clubs or parties because I can't stay long due to noise and/or lights. 

I started sharing studying materials with some students and on some classes we also had working groups. that ended up helping in the end. Now I have two or three decent closer collegues.

O also found a yoga class. It actually helped me with reducing my anxiety and the people there are so different and easy going. So tolerant. I feel really good around them. 

I found university to be much more enjoyable than school, which I hated with a passion. Consider, you are studying just one subject, and one that you have chosen because it interests you, both of these features play to autistic strengths. The added bonus is the proportion of knuckle-dragging bullies decreases hugely in the transition from school to university, and the people you can have intelligent conversations with increases to a similar degree.

I imagine uni would be worse than school for ASD's like us partly why I didn't go myself. Go out on student nights I guess depending on how your anxiety is you'll meat people but just be careful though. Nuros will try to take advantage of ASD's So keep your wits about you but try and be sociable at the same time.

No. 3 is really good. I do that where I live and send them Christmas cards. Now I'm friends with them all.

How bizarre, I'm not sure what to say! Yes, probably it was just to get the funds and CV benefits?

It is a long time since I was at university, but when I had graduated and was looking for a job, I found that employers like graduates to have done more than just study when they were in full time higher education. 

Being a class representative.  Being a member of clubs (particularly if you can show an achievement, winning a prize, helping people etc), perhaps even running a club (particularly if part of a team), organising an event, looks better on a curriculum vitae than just a degree.  I think most employers want to hire people with good people skills, all the more reason to mix with other students.

I did a further course and I could see that some people tried doing these things to improve their prospects.

This was back in 1994, I can't remember what the club was called but it was something along these lines.  I think that maybe if a club had above a certain number of members it would get funds from the university.  It is useful for a curriculum vitae to have run a club, organised events etc while in full time education.

I think you are right here. In the first semester of my first year, I was speaking with some non-autistic students and they also said how lonely they were and also how home sick they were :( 

indigocard Wrote:

You shouldn't feel pressure to be living a life where you are always doing something and hanging out with someone. It is okay to spend some time with yourself and it is also okay to have days where you don't feel ok. Feeling lonely at university is very common, and it should be spoken about more often.

I am sorry to hear this. I have just finished my third year and I was in the same situation for the duration of my uni life. Covid happened half way through my second year, so maybe I wouldn't have if Covid never happened? I did the board games society but I still felt like an outside and did not make friends. I hope it goes better for you. I ended up calling my mum to talk to on most of my breaks :-/

A club for people who aren't good at doing things? Is that what it was called? Never heard of that before.

The best friend you can have is yourself.

Whilst you are waiting for the world to come to you why not use Uni time to study the heck out of your chosen subjects, in becoming more professional you meet more like minded people...

Hi there. This is something that I really struggle with too - friends - though my Uni days were a long time ago now.

I think that lockdown make it especially difficult for first years to make friends - my son is a second year this year too.

What sort of friend are you looking for? And I mean that in the literal sense: what do they like. What are they interested in? 

I also often feel trapped in the cycle and have started to believe that I need autistic people around me. And though none of my (few) friends identify as such, they are like me. 

Take care out there.

Mrs Snooks