A National Friendship Database

I made a new friend a few months ago that I was scared of overwhelming with my enthusiasm. aidie nicknamed him Mr New Special Interest. I thought it was a lighthearted but sweet joke. I can see though how true it is, that I relate to him as a Special Interest. I'm full of enthusiasm to share doing things together and share my thoughts. I've managed myself so contained it to just our weekly run. He's got a wife, two kids, busy job, extended family, so limited time but I'm full of enthusiasm to do stuff together, and with his kids. I think I generally have this pattern and it's not romantic or sexual, nor even needy, it's about sharing delight in things and offering these things to them, but also about sharing the inner machinations of my head. Maybe it's just that I have an insatiable appetite for life, but that comes from somewhere. Odd.

Yes you have to be REALLY careful not to overwhelm people don't you. When I began to make friends with the 2 friends I've got, I had to be really careful not to text them every day, get worried if they didn't text for a week, just try to relax and hope they hadn't dumped me. 

They are my 2 best friends. But I never tell them this as I don't want to pressure them. I know they have other, closer friends than me so they would be shocked if I told them they are my only 2 friends in the world. So it's a constant juggle between what I need and their sanity. haha.

Yeah, i had a whole post on this a few months ago about overwhelming people, i think you mentioned this there. I have to rein in my enthusiasm for peoole. I've realised though that I'm a lot more important to many people than i thought. I often think i'm a small piece in someone's life only to discover i'm much more. I had an aspie like conversation once with an NT friend who i really liked, valued and esteemed. I was trying to explicitly understand his social connections so he talked about his close friends. He finished by saying "and then there's you, you're in a different league," and continued to state how he related to me differently and valued me. I was gobsmacked. I'd never twigged, saw myself as periphery, maintained a very measured approach to seeing him. I've seen that's been the case often since. But yes, even my closest friends i have to keep a big eye on my enthusiasm and their sanity and capacity.

You probably have @kiticat exploed natropathic herbalism. It took me a few years going up the learning curve and exploring my mind at the same time, but it's done me wonders. I love the book Healing with Wholefoods, and Botanical Bodycare. Recipes for Self Healing is also really good but you need a 5 Spirit Accupuncturist to guide you with it. I turned wholefoods and traditional medicine into my Special Interest, did courses in it, met some nice people etc.

I know a little of that type of attention. I'm 50 but look mid thirties, sometimes can pass for my twenties, got ID'd on my 47th birthday. I dread the conversation of age coming up in groups, and the same, the focus goes on my lifestyle, food, not drinking, running, etc, when most of it is just genes. It's awkward. Sounds way worse for you, female friends have told me about the competeive nature of women in groups. There are great people out there, you just gotta keep looking.

And so crap that cos of certain men you have to keep your messages off:(.

God, it sounds like you really struggle with your sensitive nature side. As Plastic has stated elsewhere, we often internalise all the negative things we perceive that has happened to us and hold on to them and are quick to forget all the positive experiences and people. If this is left unchecked it can result in a kind of cabin-fever negativity that can easily be incorporated into your everyday, habitual mindset .

Everyone is different but I know more than one female family member who have dysfunctional digestive problems, immune-system related problems and so on. I'm not a medical expert but what I have observed is that the one person with the most symptoms I know of, is also the biggest worrier and seems to live in a permanent state of fear/stress. Fear of change being the most obvious. This is a re-enforced, double-skinned, concrete wall ( protective shell ) that has been built to protect them from previous experiences and traumas. Some of the traumas and experiences were very valid in the past but others more recently are entirely habitual reactions to the past.

 The body and mind are not separate entities.

I would encourage a more holistic approach and reach out to those of a similar mindset. 

HiyaI

tt's not a competition, but where there's a way....      If people make comments about what your eat, find other people or do other activities -  I sometimes go ten=pin bowling with another meetup group (when it's open) and food is very optional and crazy expensive so only some people do that - I nurse a Diet Coke all night.       Chose your activities.to reduce risk.

Ok - I get what you mean about PMs - there are so many a-holes around.    Feel free to message me if you want - no pressure at all..

I have great difficulties with spontaneous outings - I need a few hours of prep to get my body into the right mode.     Early mornings are really difficult.    Some activities are too hard for me but I plan my time well.   Lunchtimes are good and evenings require food-juggling to stabilise my body.      I have a disabled bathroom key which is handy..    

My friends know about my limitations so are perfectly fine about me having to leave places early or not eat anything.

I almost built half a house until the latest problem stopped me..   

Haha, you've got me there with your more serious health issues. You sound very dynamic. I've given up trying to make my body do what I want, I'm tired of vomiting and/or collapsing, it wastes weeks out of my life when I've got a family to look after.

The trouble for me is other women. I am a thin woman, therefore apparently a target for all sorts of nasty comments about how skinny I am, what diet am I on, how do I keep so thin etc. etc. Within 5 minutes of meeting me, other women leap on the 'you're so skinny' bandwagon. It always happens, every time.

So if I dare to order water or tea instead of cake, I get the 'oh you're so good.' 'Is that how you keep so skinny?' 'Look at you, showing off how good you are.' etc. etc. etc. The topic of conversation is 'how skinny KikiCat is', every time. It's draining. It got so bad when I was younger that I stopped eating in front of other women due to the bullying. I used to hide from them and eat in secret.

Why is it good to eat and drink certain things and bad to eat others? Why is it so good to be 'skinny'? WTF is wrong with them.

So I carefully hide my eating and drinking habits from everyone due to the nastiness.

Yes, I don't allow private messages due to bitter experience. Like most women, I get a deluge of 'hey babe wanna fvck' messages and I'm tired of them.

Not saying you'd do that of course! But it's better to be careful, who knows who is lurking around...

Excuses!     

I've had ulcerative pan-colitis for 20 years and CFS as well for the last 8 years  - if you want embarrassing food complications then this is pretty bad - 

I've found no explanations are necessary when out  - if they order coffee & cake, order bottled water or lemon tea.   

Taking 2 "Immodium Instants" an hour before going out stops any other triggers or problems.      If you click at all with the people, next time maybe mention that you've got a ton of difficulties - most people don't really want to go down that path so it's just accepted as 'ok'  

Go for it! 

With careful preparation, I can do trans-Atlantic flights and a full park-bashing while I'm there!    It takes its toll and there's always pay-back - but I get to do what I want or need to.

I'm happy to explain a whole load of strategies to MAKE my body do what I want it to do. (your settings don't seem to allow PMs)

Excuses!     

I've had ulcerative pan-colitis for 20 years and CFS as well for the last 8 years  - if you want embarrassing food complications then this is pretty bad - 

I've found no explanations are necessary when out  - if they order coffee & cake, order bottled water or lemon tea.   

Taking 2 "Immodium Instants" an hour before going out stops any other triggers or problems.      If you click at all with the people, next time maybe mention that you've got a ton of difficulties - most people don't really want to go down that path so it's just accepted as 'ok'  

Go for it! 

With careful preparation, I can do trans-Atlantic flights and a full park-bashing while I'm there!    It takes its toll and there's always pay-back - but I get to do what I want or need to.

I'm happy to explain a whole load of strategies to MAKE my body do what I want it to do. (your settings don't seem to allow PMs)

You probably have @kiticat exploed natropathic herbalism. It took me a few years going up the learning curve and exploring my mind at the same time, but it's done me wonders. I love the book Healing with Wholefoods, and Botanical Bodycare. Recipes for Self Healing is also really good but you need a 5 Spirit Accupuncturist to guide you with it. I turned wholefoods and traditional medicine into my Special Interest, did courses in it, met some nice people etc.

I know a little of that type of attention. I'm 50 but look mid thirties, sometimes can pass for my twenties, got ID'd on my 47th birthday. I dread the conversation of age coming up in groups, and the same, the focus goes on my lifestyle, food, not drinking, running, etc, when most of it is just genes. It's awkward. Sounds way worse for you, female friends have told me about the competeive nature of women in groups. There are great people out there, you just gotta keep looking.

And so crap that cos of certain men you have to keep your messages off:(.

God, it sounds like you really struggle with your sensitive nature side. As Plastic has stated elsewhere, we often internalise all the negative things we perceive that has happened to us and hold on to them and are quick to forget all the positive experiences and people. If this is left unchecked it can result in a kind of cabin-fever negativity that can easily be incorporated into your everyday, habitual mindset .

Everyone is different but I know more than one female family member who have dysfunctional digestive problems, immune-system related problems and so on. I'm not a medical expert but what I have observed is that the one person with the most symptoms I know of, is also the biggest worrier and seems to live in a permanent state of fear/stress. Fear of change being the most obvious. This is a re-enforced, double-skinned, concrete wall ( protective shell ) that has been built to protect them from previous experiences and traumas. Some of the traumas and experiences were very valid in the past but others more recently are entirely habitual reactions to the past.

 The body and mind are not separate entities.

I would encourage a more holistic approach and reach out to those of a similar mindset. 

HiyaI

tt's not a competition, but where there's a way....      If people make comments about what your eat, find other people or do other activities -  I sometimes go ten=pin bowling with another meetup group (when it's open) and food is very optional and crazy expensive so only some people do that - I nurse a Diet Coke all night.       Chose your activities.to reduce risk.

Ok - I get what you mean about PMs - there are so many a-holes around.    Feel free to message me if you want - no pressure at all..

I have great difficulties with spontaneous outings - I need a few hours of prep to get my body into the right mode.     Early mornings are really difficult.    Some activities are too hard for me but I plan my time well.   Lunchtimes are good and evenings require food-juggling to stabilise my body.      I have a disabled bathroom key which is handy..    

My friends know about my limitations so are perfectly fine about me having to leave places early or not eat anything.

I almost built half a house until the latest problem stopped me..   

Haha, you've got me there with your more serious health issues. You sound very dynamic. I've given up trying to make my body do what I want, I'm tired of vomiting and/or collapsing, it wastes weeks out of my life when I've got a family to look after.

The trouble for me is other women. I am a thin woman, therefore apparently a target for all sorts of nasty comments about how skinny I am, what diet am I on, how do I keep so thin etc. etc. Within 5 minutes of meeting me, other women leap on the 'you're so skinny' bandwagon. It always happens, every time.

So if I dare to order water or tea instead of cake, I get the 'oh you're so good.' 'Is that how you keep so skinny?' 'Look at you, showing off how good you are.' etc. etc. etc. The topic of conversation is 'how skinny KikiCat is', every time. It's draining. It got so bad when I was younger that I stopped eating in front of other women due to the bullying. I used to hide from them and eat in secret.

Why is it good to eat and drink certain things and bad to eat others? Why is it so good to be 'skinny'? WTF is wrong with them.

So I carefully hide my eating and drinking habits from everyone due to the nastiness.

Yes, I don't allow private messages due to bitter experience. Like most women, I get a deluge of 'hey babe wanna fvck' messages and I'm tired of them.

Not saying you'd do that of course! But it's better to be careful, who knows who is lurking around...