A National Friendship Database

 ,i don't understand the friend thing , It all seens like an act that i don't know the rules to .just gets so stressful ,

 5 years ago i used to visit an end of the world cult in devon ,called twelve tribes  and they where nice to me ,i suppose that would be what having friends would be like, they pretended to care and be  interested[ but it was fake they just wanted my land and money] but it was kind of nice pretending.

I know exactly what you mean. All I want is people who understand me and care about me, a group of friends like that. But no one ever seems to like me or understand me. I have one husband and one daughter, most people who seem to be friends just suddenly dump me, I don't know why ‍♀️

I recently thought I'd been dumped, but when I finally talked it through months later with someone he said I'd misinterpretted the situation and I'd actually signalled (accidently) my backing away. 2 friends have since agreed. We're now hanging out again, albeit we haven't processed the tension so there's kinda something in our way.

People seem to move on from me. I think NTs like groups, and I'm not good at that; I'm no good at talking usual stuff like tv, popular culture, etc; I tend to do deep and meaningful and when they don't need anymore or the reminder of what they've said that they move on, or if they've told me too much they run away like they do with therapists; and people have a limit for how many people they can have intimately in their life. Bizzarley I think I have higher social demands than NTs cos maybe I don't get fulfilled from extended family n work n casual connections, and i,m compensating for childhood loneliness.

I,ve n AS friend who struggles a bit, lots of acquaintances but few friends. I can see some things he does, like I,ll say do you want to do x by text and he'll reply no. Even i know you have to signal you'd like to another time. I got very insecure with him even though it was clear i was his best friend ever.

Then another AS guy I know who can be lovely can operate in a very functional way and appear not to appreciate the relationship even though he says he's closer to me than most. But at times says stuff i find pushing away, even hurtful.

So I can see we can be clueless, and at times to blame. I'm learning to talk things through better, not get so insecure and perceive rejection where there isn't (they've just competing demands), and to make friends that will last and let go of those i hold onto.

I think my mum could have BPD or narcissism as I said. Look up narcissism, it would ring a bell with you. My dad might have been autistic...but he died 40 years ago so I can't remember much about him.

I think my mum could have BPD or narcissism as I said. Look up narcissism, it would ring a bell with you. My dad might have been autistic...but he died 40 years ago so I can't remember much about him.