Intolerance of Uncertainty and Managing Emotions

I totally agree with this.

Ever since I was diagnosed, the engineer in me has been measuring and analysing what I do and why I do it - and then assessing those around me in comparison.

I've boiled it down to two issues - sensory overload - everything is too sensitive to live comfortably - and the big one is a pathological need for certainty and predictability.    In the same way as the sensory overload, I am easily overloaded with uncertainty.     Luckily, as an engineer, I was able to design-out most of the problems in front of me.

I've noticed NTs don't seem to notice this stress - they blunder about with short memories so their task-anxiety dissipates quickly.

I've been watching young ASD children at a mixed ASD group I attended and almost all of their problems seem come from the chaotic lives of their parents - there's no grounding or basic stability - no schedules or patterns to latch on to for comfort.   There's no safe space or safe retreat area.    There's no logic in the random and arbitrary rules applied to them.   The kids seem to be locked into a permanent fight-or-fight mode.

Me, as a parent, thought it only logical to provide my daughter with every option to make her feel safe, (how I would have liked to feel) whatever the situation - little things like still holding her hand in busy places or arranging pick-up spots where she was under cover and me never being late.    it's meant that every life-challenge has been manageable for her because it is the only one in front of her - all the other risks have an escape plan and safety net in place to reduce any possible anxiety caused by external factors.

She's grown up to be a very well-balanced and mature young lady.

"....a pathological need for certainty and predictability". Plastic - I think I'm with you on this one, and it might explain my almost obsessive desire for information about anything that I'm doing because I keep thinking if I have all the information then I can eliminate uncertainty -or at least the anxiety that comes from it.

I'm learning information is a two edged sword because as well as answering the questions I have, it makes things more tricky because it introduces new questions, or, even worse - I'll get to the point where there's a "don't know" or "we're still figuring it out". Having said that, with the people I work with, I get annoyed very quickly because they never seem to seek any information - or only decide to do so after a long and protracted conversation where they decide they don't know anything. Plus sometimes there just isn't time to get that info - sometimes the ask is to work with what we know and have.

I'm trying to move to how to manage uncertainty - or self-manage myself in uncertainty. Think I'll post some updates on the course as I do it (which will motivate me to finish it).

Thank you for sharing about your daughter and I'm really starting to understand how important parents are in teaching emotional regulation to their children (sorry, for the terminology). I was pretty much left to figure stuff  out on my own, and I can be a bit hard on myself when I know I'm not managing things well, so this has really helped for me to get some perspective. 

"....a pathological need for certainty and predictability". Plastic - I think I'm with you on this one, and it might explain my almost obsessive desire for information about anything that I'm doing because I keep thinking if I have all the information then I can eliminate uncertainty -or at least the anxiety that comes from it.

I'm learning information is a two edged sword because as well as answering the questions I have, it makes things more tricky because it introduces new questions, or, even worse - I'll get to the point where there's a "don't know" or "we're still figuring it out". Having said that, with the people I work with, I get annoyed very quickly because they never seem to seek any information - or only decide to do so after a long and protracted conversation where they decide they don't know anything. Plus sometimes there just isn't time to get that info - sometimes the ask is to work with what we know and have.

I'm trying to move to how to manage uncertainty - or self-manage myself in uncertainty. Think I'll post some updates on the course as I do it (which will motivate me to finish it).

Thank you for sharing about your daughter and I'm really starting to understand how important parents are in teaching emotional regulation to their children (sorry, for the terminology). I was pretty much left to figure stuff  out on my own, and I can be a bit hard on myself when I know I'm not managing things well, so this has really helped for me to get some perspective. 

It's happened in many jobs, each time I just stopped telling them my good ideas and watched them fumble around blindly with no sympathy

If that happened to me on several occasions, I probably wouldn't be able to resist writing a letter to the boss about it!  I think this is why I'm unemployed!

Plastic I'm just blown away by a lot of your posts. You read like you could be my somewhat, better adjusted, long lost clone!  

All the time. And there are two reactions when you try and point it out. 

1. You're a trouble-maker.
2. They ignore you.

Oh yes. Often in meetings I give a solution to something. I'm ignored, then a minute later someone else pipes up with the solution, and is applauded. I don't understand this. I suppose my voice might be too quiet or hesitant and someone pounces on the idea? Weird.

LMFAO! This is literally my working life for the last few years. The number of times I have been to meetings to plan the meeting where we will actually discuss the thing that needs to be done before writing an options analysis and then having another meeting to discuss what everyone thinks of the options only to end up doing what I suggested in the first place!

The usual response that I got was that everyone needed to be included and their voices heard - which was code for "We're too lazy and stupid to solve this problem so you may as well implement your solution behind our backs to save us having to bother."   

Any success will never be attributed - the problem never happened and your phenomenal, permanent, OCNS-compliant solution is really just regular maintenance so won't be acknowledged at pay review time - and by the way, you need to work on your team-working skills so we'll mark you as "needs improvement".

***kers.

Ever had it when the solution they come up with, which you already gave them, is credited to someone else? - that's my favourite.

I had someone come to me last week with an "idea" about how to visualise some data. I listened for a bit, then realised that it sounded familiar ---- It was the same idea I'd told them about two weeks prior.

What I couldn't figure out was why they thought, they'd only just thought of it.

Same here. I can present a solution to a problem very quickly. People stare blankly at me. They slowly work through every option...then eventually work out that my solution was the best, after all.

The funniest time was when I used to work as a marketing assistant. I was always getting told off, criticised, hurried along. I moved job to being an accounts assistant in the same company. Later, another marketing assistant said to me: you know that guy who does your old job? He's kind of...stupid...

I said: you don't know what you've got til it's gone, eh?

LMFAO! 

That's just made my day. So true. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!!!!

Ethan said:

Having said that, with the people I work with, I get annoyed very quickly because they never seem to seek any information - or only decide to do so after a long and protracted conversation where they decide they don't know anything.

That used to really frustrate me - A problem arises - so within almost no time, I present a fully thought out and costed solution with all of the risks mitigated - permanent solution..

Everyone else - we'll have to get together next week for a meeting to come up with some ways to work around this regular problem......

Grrrrr.