Hi nas forum
Why do autistic people get bullied so often? I see and hear about it everywhere and have personally experienced it throughout my life in all sorts of situations from people of all walks of life.
I have also met people in all situations and all walks of life who are also kind accepting and try to accomodate.I find misunderstanding and ignorance is a lot of it or not wanting to understand. We have a difference in processing and it's not our fault, we're not doing it on purpose to wind you up.What are your thoughts?
You’ve kind of touched on the reason, I believe it’s because we different and we don’t fit the mould of a “normal” person, this unfortunately shines a light on us, some people accept it and others do not, resulting in bullying, manipulation and segregation. The goal is to try and feel your life with people who accept you for you. This can be a challenge though.
I read one person's theory on the internet that bullies target people who have obvious weaknesses. Their argument was that each of us is like a character in a Dungeons & Dragons games where there are several stats and each is allocated so many points by a roll of dice. So you have strength, intelligence, wisdom, charisma, agility, etc.
So they were writing about how a lot of intelligent people have been bullied, and perhaps that could be because the trade off for their intelligence was a less agile or strong body, or a less charismatic personality. One theory could be Autistic people are more likely to be in that mould. To be highly intelligent but more deprived in the other areas.
Where this theory could fall apart is it's not necessarily the case that we're allocated an equal number of digits to fill our categories with. One person might have 21 digits, another might have 50 (like, say, a NASA astronaut - someone who is all-rounder, intelligent, agile, charismatic and strong).
I see many parallels of human development in the speeded up environment of watching a group of puppies growing.
When they are small, the 'different' one is picked on - sort of nature's way of thinning the herd - survival of the fittest if you will.
That's followed by a period when you can't tell them apart.
That's followed by a period of them developing into individuals - the leaders, the followers etc.
I see this in humans too - kids are merciless at picking on anyone different - and, unfortunately, many human 'adults' don't seem to get further than the intellectual level of an 8-year old child.
From personal experience, I think that bullies are quick to pick on anyone who is a loner, or stands out in any obvious way, especially if the person can't or won't fight back. Chances of fighting back were limited anyway, they often went around in groups. At school, I also discovered that others who were less frequently targeted but still afraid would sometimes ingratiate themselves with the bullies by joining in picking on those even further down the social ladder than themselves. (For example helping to hold a person down while the bullies put the boot in.)
I like to think that I understand their psychology now better than I did at the time, but it still hurt, and I still don't really know how someone can take pleasure in another person's pain, physical or mental.
Personally, due to my slow processing of communication, I'm no good at firing back witty retorts. I always think of them 5 minutes later. And you need so much confidence for them to work.
I find that lots of people will trample over anyone to get ahead. We seem to be easier to trample over.
The hardest thing is realising that the bullies at school often continue to be bullies as adults. I've worked in really positive places where bullying wouldn't be tolerated, but also in places where it's the norm.
I understand completly the slow processing, when replaying later you think of so many things you could of said but its too late. I wish people could be more compassionate of one another. Theres so much anger and bullying of others
I agree that bullies pick on the weaker targets, to me that makes them cowards. I recently spoke to one of my sons bullies parents and the parents were vile! I then looked them up on facebook just to get some back ground info and I noticed that the kid at his previous school who was violent to my son and was dismissed as 'oh he has adhd so we wont tell him off for stuffing rubbish in your sons mouth and stamping on him' well his mum is friends with the current bullies mum. We also had a girl who would ride her bike to our house pretending to be friends with him but then the 1 time i let him go out with her she left him in a dangerous part of the town alone (the one time i trusted him out as he is asd my mistake) anyway her mum is also very good friends with the other 2 bullying kids! so the children are basically reflections of their parents!