Eye contact-such a tricky one.

I assure you that you have not offended anyone.  It's just people have moved on to other topics.

Back to eye contact.  In the NT world, appropriate eye contact is encouraged.  Today  I was shopping at Aldi.  And I noticed that on the inside of the cash till there was stuck a reminder.  "GREET,. SMILE, EYE CONTACT".

Concerning Eye Contact.

I had watched this topic/thread in some hope that others may contribute more to it... but that was almost a week ago... and I wonder if I myself may have said... something... towards discouragement over further discussion concerning this "staring" topic, --- just by by mentioning " skin colour", maybe...? This last is a topic not allowed much by NAS, and so what I later discuss has little to do with that. Meanwhile, if anyone felt "offended", then I apologise (again)...??

If nothing else... Please do the thing that at least ROBERT123 suggested, which also agrees with what I myself posted: To avoid staring, Look at the face, and shift from one eye to the other, and then onwards to the nose or mouth, and repeat... and so that does not count as "fixedly staring".

This is for any "later" discussion.
I shall post here what I myself do. I do not know if it is because of my own "skin colour", or simply because of "being ASD and so 'acting unusual' ".
When younger, I used to act "normally", looking at everything and being alert or cheery...yet being told off for "staring" or "not looking", was, as it suited other people, to find simply the smallest excuse to begin to "tell me off" for anything else at all.
But nowadays, when "walking down the street", what I do is stare fixedly at the ground, and only looking up when concerning avoiding people, or looking at traffic lights, or something (not someONE) of interest.
As I carry myself in this manner, I have seen that, to gain any accusations of "staring", it requires much WORK from casual persons...
1- They *have* to gain "a look" from me, before they can begin to start whatever they had planned (in advance) to say at or about me.
2- Some persons, as you are NOT looking at them, they actually WILL shift to block your path, and then yell/wave/trip/anything-else... to *force* you to look at them. (I might start another thread about this (!), because it happens to me so often.) Once you look at them, then they begin whatever they wanted to begin at you in their own first place. E.G. "Hey, weirdo! (Why are you staring at the ground??) You're so weird/stupid/badly dressed/you better buy what I want to sell to you"... that sort of discussion.

This is posted in wondering if anyone else (here) has the same trouble or can understand what I mean. It is a social thing. It is also one of the reasons for my own USERNAME - The "Disallowed Cynosure" --- for it happens to me quite constantly. 'Bye for now.

Good evening to you. I seem to offend people simply by EXISTING, it happens to me. Three things I list here.
1- I once read this "trick" somewhere (in a newspaper, methinks):
'The trick with eye contact is to at first look into one eye, and then into the other, and then into the mouth or the nose. That way, you appear as if not staring.'
This works because THEY see your eyeball shifting, and so it cannot count as "staring" fixedly at anything (!).
2- There is another factor which I shouldn't mention but I shall anyway (!)... whether you are seen as "hostile" or even "staring" or not... unfortunately it DOES depend upon your own particular skin-colour.
3- If you have an official AUTISM diagnosis, then "not making eye contact" (much) is actually a part of that. So if you prefer not to look much at all, and they then (appear to) take offence, you may have a go at stating that towards your reasons why.

I am Autistic myself, and so... well, that's it, really.

I can maintain it for about one second - no longer.  That's always been the case.  I always assumed this was quite normal.  But I've had many job interviews where the feedback has included 'Could not maintain eye contact with the interviewer'.  Since my diagnosis a few years ago, many people have said to me 'I had my suspicions, because you don't do eye contact.' 

Recently, at work training, we each had to pair off with another person to do an exercise.  I hate this kind of thing, anyway... but we were then told 'You have to stand about arm's length apart from your partner and look them directly in the eyes.  Then, without breaking eye contact, move closer and closer to them until you're about six inches apart.'  Horror!!  I couldn't do it.  I had to stare at the top of the person's head.

I haven't a clue how long it's supposed to be maintained.  The whole time you're talking to them, I assume.

Eye contact!  One of my pet peeves.

After decades of practice I am almost getting it right.

You are right, we need to find a compromise between avoiding eye contact entirely and staring at someone.

I also suffer from face blindness, where I find it very difficult to recognise people's faces.  So I combine the two and when speaking to someone face to face.  I pretended to look into their eyes, while I look at the whole face looking for unique features such as eyebrows, lips, nose, hair style, ears.  Trying to remember their face and name.

So I am not staring into their eyes all the time, nor am I avoiding their eyes.

Hello fire monkey,you are definitely not alone in knowing how long is considered correct.

I had to learn eye contact as in my job I had to meet clients from time to time.

I don’t have answers for you I am afraid,maybe less would be better than more? To much may be considered staring where as to little is just maybe just not listening as much as you should?

To me eye contact is a very deep personal thing.something I would reserve only for close relatives, I have no friends so any chance of learning from them never happened.

I had a situation once where a lovely old lady said” my mum always said if he cannot look you in the eye then he is not to be trusted”, she said well are you honest, I replied I like to think so.

well let me look into you eyes then. We faced each other and she stared deep into my eyes, it felt like she had crawled into my body and was looking all around, After what seemed ages she reached out and took my hand and said “ you are a very honest young man,I can trust you to do a good honest job for me” . I did do an honest and good job but that eye contact was almost painful,a little bit like violation but she was nice,polite and pretty sweet which meant she was almost welcome in me. 

I have a saying it is “ EYEs wide open people. On occasion I meet someone who with just a tiny glance of eye contact I can tell they see the world clearly, they analyse,they care,they understand,they are watching everything around them, the majority of people are carrying out a predestined journey which has no flexibility,no reason but just a route,no need to look around,no need to question anything.

I can see too much when looking into eyes.maybe a reason when young to avoid it, I wouldn’t want them to see inside my crazy mind.?

eyes are a window into the soul.

take care.