Neighbours

Thanks

Thanks

I know it takes effort but some Aspies have learnt how to 'fake it' in order to strike up a conversation.

They have likened the process to having a limited 'social bucket', as it were, where they are able to interact socially with people a bit but after that it becomes very stressful and they feel a strong urge to withdraw.

Often, Aspies are very clever people, so they have the ability to 'act out' social encounters and it can be worth the effort if it leads to a better relationship with one's neighbours. After all, you never know when it might become important to have to approach a neighbour, and vice-versa.

There's a guy who is one of the presenters on BBC 2's 'Springwatch', Chris Packham, who's an Aspie, yet you would never know it unless you were told.

Hi Aspegerix

If people could be bothered to get to know you I'm sure there's things they would find interesting about you. We're your friends here and we give what you have to say interesting.

Many people just can't be bothered to put in the effort and so they're missing out on the alternative views, opinions and thoughts that us Aspies can contribute.

Paul

In over a decade my neighbours and I have never had a chat ever. I have never fallen out with any of them or had any conflict or negativity, nothing. Because I cannot negotiate the neuro-typical body language and chit chat rituals I am buggered. We don't even greet each other. Oh I have tried breaking the ice but because I am socially incompetent it always fizzles out very quickly, and that's the end of it forever, they avoid me like the plague because I am an alien culture they do not understand and do not know how to relate to me because my demeanor is different to the typical neuro-typical. Encounters are awkward and uncomfortable for them, and me, so we all just go our own seperate ways, passing each other like ships in the night even though it is broad day light. Very sad, because I am socially disabled I need neuro-typical people to make the extra effort and make it work but they do not have the motivation to do so. I am not an interesting and rewarding company. And of course they are blind to autism. So there we go. I am a socially excluded disengaged individual in the community, free as a bird but living in an invisible prison cell which has no bars living in solitary confinement.

Yes, I think the thing about the high winds just shows us that if people face a common emergency or even a serious problem it tends to make them want to communicate with one another more, which can start a closer relationship, although not necessarily. 

The Second World War or even the Falklands conflict gave something that people could talk about to each other and this is what gets people to 'break the ice' and begin to interact with one another. Normally, people go about their lives and their concerns and there is nothing compelling enough to make them want to get to know their neigbours and this is why things like clubs and pubs have been traditionally the means to socialise. The fact that someone is living right next door to you doesn't alter the fact that they are basically strangers and it takes an effort to get to know them.

This forum is a good example of people sharing a common problem that brings them together to talk things over.

Thanks, my thoughts I think are getting clouded by recent problems. I now remember a neighbor the other side of the road, he would always have a brief chat with me, but we never socialised. He retired and moved some years ago to New Zealand. There was a nice lady further up the road, who would occaisionally talk to me when cutting the grass, again I think she has moved out some time ago.

Had a bit of a strange experience on another forum; when we had the high winds a few years back. There was a thread people were discussing on it, and another forum member recognised that I was only several houses down the road. I still exchange messages with him, but was never able to make more of a social thing about it. Again he caught me when he was cutting the grass, and introduced himself.

I have worked full time most of my life, and by the time I get home I am very exhausted. At weekends I have to catch up with all the other life problems. I have tried to keep Sunday's as a day of rest, have not been able to do that.

Random

I fondly remember "the good old days" when we knew who our neighbours were, would talk over the garden fence, be invited in for cups of tea etc. I also remember when it was ok & safe to invite the milkman in for a cup of tea when it was cold.

It can also depend on where you live. I know a lovely village in Wales where people are really friendly and it can be hard to get on with your daily business as they'll stop you for a chat. Where I used to live, my neighbours were fabulous, and I still keep in touch with them.

Where I currently live, a large town, I wouldn't recognise my neighbours if I passed them in the street, how sad is that? To be perfectly honest though, judging from how they behave, I'm not too sure that I'd really want to know them too well.

At one time we lived in communities not places and that's when you got the kind of neighbourly behaviour you would like to find now.

For some reason many people here in the UK seem to be like that, random, why I don't know but there it is. It's the same with my neighbours; one side has dogs and I have complained about the noise from time to time which doesn't promote a friendly relationship with her I know, but you can't let people get away with anything.

The other side keep to themselves and I suppose it's no good putting the blame entirely on them because we could do more, perhaps, in trying to promote a better relationship. I just think people are generally more reserved in this country because this is how it's been for many years. Maybe it's considered a bit impolite to be too forward with the neighbours because it is considered a bit of an invasion of privacy.

I just think it's a cultural thing that has been going on for many years and you get born into it and grow up with it so you just take it as the way things are. Maybe we're a bit xenophobic because we are a small island and this extends to strangers who might be neighbours but are unknown to us.

It would be interesting to hear about others' experiences concerning their neighbours on here. I'm sure there are plenty of friendly neighbours about, given half a chance, and maybe that is the crux of the matter; that people in this country find it hard to 'break the ice' and that, once having initiated a social initiative, would only be to pleased to be more friendly and communicative.