“You gotta work hard and just push through”

Was there less crowding? I guess it depends on when and where you were and more imporatantly how wealthy you were. If you were rich you coud afford space, but if you weren't as most people weren't then you could be stuck in a cold, damp, draughty tiny house, with an outside toilet between a dozen or so families and one standpipe in the street to share. Go back a couple more centuries and people were living with thier animals, humans on one side and cows on the other, the heat coming off the animals helped keep you warm, but with only an open gutter to take waste away it would of been unhygenic and stinking.

Living in a village now and having lived in a few before, it can be suffocating, everybody knows everyone elses business and feels free to comment on it, this was especially true years ago, people were concerned for thier neighbours, but just as now some people were infering busybodies.

I notice that companies don’t quite know what to do. And sometimes I don’t know quite what support I need, until I have experienced the lack of support to realise what I need. Then I need to mention what I need because nothing will be in place before I mention what I need.

my work is mainly creative, so my difficulty is having lack of boundaries as to how hard I should work. I’ve noticed that I usually work in short intense bursts and then crash afterwards, rather than a steady breathing of a work flow. I feel the same pressure, maybe in a more abstract way, if I don’t get it together I’ll fail my future family.

This one hit home! 

In my head, if I don't work hard and push through, I will let my family down. For me as a man, I feel that its my duty to provide, and I love that I can, but lately I worry that my mind or body is close to breaking point. I don't do a physical job by any means, but the mental toll of my work day leads to unhealthy habits that affect my body. 

I don't feel like there is another option though? After being diagnosed, I thought things would be easier, but I am realizing that a lot of what companies and people call help and understanding, is just box ticking and virtue signaling. Did you notice that? Equally though, should we get special treatment, does the world owe us anything more than what we earn? 

It does feel that we need to work at 150% to just compete, and that does worry me that burn out will follow. I just don't know what the alternative is, letting those I love down is not an option. 

Thank you for this response. At first I struggled to understand without the punctuation. But it’s also a sign that I need to read slow and not rush through. The irony haha. To learn to process at  speed II understand rather than a quick speed for the sake of it.

thank you for this message! This is really encouraging! I’m not sure where this particular stick has come from. I’ve always viewed my autism as a negative thing, but I grew up with a supportive environment. I think I internalised growing up seeing that sometimes my autism caused certain stress in my family, and turned the blame on myself. I’m not sure whose voice it is, and I feel I told myself to beat myself up with it. I wonder how I can find the answer to this…

it’s really affirming for you to share this, thank you!

I can relate to this, thank you for sharing. I don’t have anything to reach, my pushing through is usually arbitrary goals, so they don’t really have any grounding. So it’s like reaching and reaching for something I can’t quite grasp. And the outcome really is perfection, which obviously isn’t possible.

The strange thing though is when I’m not pushing, I feel like I’m drifting, and the scariest thing is to feel like I’m drifting, not entirely sure what my purpose is. Pushing and pushing makes me feel like I’m doing something for a purpose, and I want to feel as if that’s what I’m doing. Is that so I can show others that I’m doing things for a purpose? I’m not sure

I would love to go back to such times , I could do with feeling like things are slower… Thsnk you for the message

I hear you. I still feel guilty if I still haven’t got through all the tasks I expect I should get through each day. Now I’m just trying to focus on doing a little bit of the few things I want to keep consistent each day. which is a little exercise and getting up at the same time each day.

apologies for grammer, was just trying out speech to text, as my fibro means typing is too strenuous.  Will endeavour to add full stops etc on next outing. 

Yes I do can sympathize and empathize with my friends here at the age of 55 I too was diagnosed with autism fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis but as a single person with out family I have to carry on working despite all of that therefore I do really really struggle with managing my energy levels my commitments and my absolute and I mean absolute total need to sometimes do nothing and I mean literally nothing nothing physically are you either stay in bed or sit on my reclining chair and only listen to an audiobook the reason I listened to the audiobook is to stop my autistic ruminations and thoughts going you can what you've got to do something you owe you can't do this while you're being so lazy blah blah blah all you should do this you should do that oh my god I've forgot on this I forgotten that oh my oh goodness me why am I so lazy why have I got no energy what am I going to do oh no this isn't right why am I like this blah blah blah it's not fair problem do you really need me to tell you everything that goes on no probably not we all overthink we're all anxious we're all stressed it's all part of our autism aspects of it anyway and also as a woman we're conditioned with socially conditioned to be anxious to look at things and to take on that mental load whatever that mental load is if it's families partners work etc etc but like other people on here I too have decided no I am I have to have me time quiet time and nothing time self-care time that is who I am and that is what I need and I'm not unique in that 100% I am not unique in that and again I do feel that the people on here that talked about modernity the fact that it's the modern world that is making this come out is actually quite crucial but again any CBT cognitive behavior therapy any of them will tell you it doesn't matter what your past is you just have to look at the future and how you're going to do with these problems now so yes I absolutely understand your frustration as someone who's been there seen it done it got the t-shirt and I agree with the other people on this thread and a lot of what they've said and a lot of how they feel and a lot of their opinions and a lot of their advice so essentially you just have to be kind to yourself and you just have to shade yourself look I'm gonna manage this this is what I need you know rest brain rest body rest mind rest emotional rest I need those because of who I am it doesn't matter what other people need or how are the people are going to judge me or how the world will judge this this is who I am and this is what I need I got there the hard way too and now actually I think my saving grace was the audiobooks because I'm doing nothing but I'm expanding my mind and stopping my autistic brain going into overdrive and your the audiobooks I've chosen a wide wide varieties so my recipe periods if I want fiction I've got fiction if I want fact I've got fact and if it's something that I've read before or listen to before then I can go back to an old favorite that I know will make me calm you know I think all of us on this thread have been there and done it and got the t-shirt and we can only give you a virtual hug a massive hug as the same people in the same boat and the way that we've worked it out so I really do just want to say you know look after yourself and it's actually perfectly acceptable you know don't care what the world thinks and that is mostly for me the problem with the world is that the world expects us to be on on fast fast do do do and it's not it's not right even for newer typical people never mind autistic people or people on the ASD spectrum just look after yourself please

This is so good to hear! I wish I could make that stick into firewood. 

I'm 64 and I've spent my life, pushing through and toughing things out and now my body is paying the price, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia and hyper mobility in my joints. My advice is stop pushing, stop comparing yourself to previous generations, yes many had hard lives, but many would also not begrudge you the relative ease of 21st C life. I remember an ex yelling at me about wanting a washing machine and tumble dryer, romanticing his mothers hours spent over the sink do the washing for 8 kids and that she never complained. His face nearly fell off the front of his head, when she saw the washer-dryer and said how much she wished she could have had something like that, instead of spending hours over the sink hand washing clothes for 8 kids.

You don't need to work harder, worker smarter instead, give yourself time and space for the things you enjoy, that bring you peace. 

Maybe when you feel the need to beat yourself up for being tired and wanting to stay in bed, ask yourself where this particular stick you beat yourself with came from? It must have come from somewhere and probably has an inner monolgue to go with it, who's voice is it? Once you recognise where this stick came from and who and what gave it to you and told you to beat yourself with it, it can finally become firewood

I have ‘pushed through’ for many years and I pushed very hard the past 6 years, despite very bad physical health and chronic exhaustion and burnout. If pushing through was the answer I should be healed by now but I’ve just grown increasingly weak and worn out and even though I am now in an environment where I could have potentially flourished if I had been halfway ok, I have reached a point where I just can’t seem to do it anymore. My physical health is so bad (i have digestive issues and tend to loose weight) and I just don’t have the energy or motivation anymore to keep going. I think I also realised the pushing through approach probably doesn’t work … at least not in the long term. I think pushing through can be useful at times for example if you are very near the end of a degree or something but it’s so important to then find the time to recover. But in our world that just seems almost impossible to achieve. I’m only talking from personal experience and maybe pushing through works for some people. It’s probably a matter of for how long and whether you can then take the time to recover afterwards. It did get me my Bachelor, MPhil, jobs and PhD positions. I was unlucky and had to leave my previous PhD as the lab closed but now that I am in a better place for the PhD and have a supportive supervisor, I have reached the end of my strength and can’t find it in myself to keep pushing. Not sure if you can relate to any of this. 

In the past, time was slower, change was slower, there were long periods of sameness. There was also less crowding.

It is possible some of us would do better in those conditions, and it's modernity that is harder.

Be gentle yourself, don't spare help when you need it, and help others when you can.

This is already good use of your time.

I feel this so strongly. Even though I’ve burned out from keeping going and going I still feel guilty for finally slowing down and even now I’m trying to push through I think it’s ill advised but I just can’t stop.