Something along these lines. So when like today, I’ve woken up and not done nothing but be in bed until mid afternoon, I feel guilty. I’m not at work being active and being productive. And I don’t know how to separate working hard with how I beat myself up.
I’m able to notice more things that I know will make me shut down and struggle and more able to realise that I can’t push through as vigorously as I want to the following day. But I feel this strong sense of guilt when I always get distracted, or crash into anxieties and depressions, that I’m not doing enough, and that I need to work harder to have a place in this world.
I compare myself to others and previous generations who had no choice but to tough things out, and use that as my parameter. And not ever being able to compete at that level just fills me with a sense of failure.
