Struggling To Confront Family On Topics

 Jakey I'm really sorry to hear that brought up difficulties for you. You were engaging with people who seem to believe in fear and hate. It's easier to shame something instead of understanding it more. It can feel sometimes like hope can dwindle. 

But I believe love always wins, and it can appear in unexpexted places. If the people at that gathering can't offer it maybe there's other people you can talk to? 

Things politically might be polarizing, but you have a good heart and a lot to offer. Maybe you could get involved in some political groups or societies, meet like minded people and point some of that frustration into helping other people. Maybe that might help you too. 

Rather than ignoring what people say, there is a technique that I found exceedingly useful to learn that involves listening much more to the spaces between peoples words and sentences. As such you can appear to be paying attention on account that you are, whilst at the same time distancing yourself from the direct impacts of what they are saying.

I know what you mean, I've had to grit my teeth so hard at times that one actually cracked

Dear Jakey,

I have just reread your post and I would like to apologise for my first reply; I missed your last paragraph about feelings of wanting to end your life. I am sorry that this happened and I want you to know that we care about the distress you are experiencing. I also want to apologise if my reply caused any distress due to it not acknowledging how difficult things have been for you recently, and I will learn from this going forwards. 

I want to thank you for sharing your feelings with the online community, you have done the right thing by reaching out. You shared that you have been having thoughts of wanting to end your life and I want to acknowledge how difficult this must be for you. 

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you’re finding it hard to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. If you feel you are at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help.  

You could call your GP and ask for an urgent appointment – they can help you get the right support.  

If it’s not an emergency but you’re still struggling, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/.  

Other free, confidential support includes: 

• Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24 hours a day 

• SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30-10.30pm daily)  

• Shout – Text 85258, 24 hours a day 

• Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9am-6pm)  

We hope some of these resources help and we’re here if you want to share more.  

Please keep reaching out, we are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Olivia Mod

I can't speak in social situations. It's too difficult. I say yes or no unless I'm asked a question. 

Yeah I can understand the difficulties you'd have with this level of stress, talking politics and finding someone has conflicting views to you has completely broken me before in panic, and dissociated to escape.

I suppose if you can, just start talking about something else, politics is often sensitive and that would be a way to signal that you aren't comfortable with what they are saying without saying anything directly?

I can't ignore it. I'm stuck there. I even tried distracting myself with my phone during this specific situation and it didn't really help. 

I understand why you feel as you do when family members and those you are in contact with have political views that are incompatible with your moral framework. It must be incredibly difficult for you.

The world has become polarised and people have extreme views.  It’s as if some people don’t see the intrinsic value of personhood in every individual.

Jakey said:

I never had such a strong urge to end my life immediately. It's too much to handle. I don't know what to do here. This country is so ***. It's beyond the point of repair, I don't want to be here anymore. 

I would say don’t give up. World politics often goes through particularly challenging times. We don’t have to look back too far in time to see even more horrific inhumane actions being undertaken in the name of a political power. Some of these actions would be considered unacceptable today, even by those with extreme views, so in a sense, these things have always been with us and they will pass. There isn’t a timescale, but we can choose to believe that things will get better, it’s a cause worth believing in.

Keep hope alive.

Speaking as soeoe who's been involved in political protests and am unashamedly woke, I think you just have to ignore those people, like the ones you describe, they're never going to get it and the only way you'll open thier minds is with an axe. It's horrible and upsetting, but I think you have to save your energy for fights you have a chance of winning, sometimes you might win in unexpected ways and then old problems rear up again.

I understand how thoughtless comments can send you into a shocking spiral of flashbacks, hypervigilance and generally feeling unsafe. I think the worst thing about so many of the people who make these sort of thoughtless remarks would be horrified that you felt the way you do and would want to help you. They seem to lack the ability to connect to people and groups they don't know, but are massively compassionate and helpful to those they do know, it's like the sort of people who want immigrants out, but will campaign to stop a specific person from being deported, its a disconnect in their heads.

There's a lot of bad stuff in the country and around the world, but theres good stuff too, hold onto the good stuff and remember you're not the one with the limited brain, they are! 

I wish I knew a way I could cope. The biggest problem with trying to cope is my other problems, mixed anxiety, and eventually the panic and stress creeps up on me with my crohn's disease. 

Hey Jakey, your post has so many points I agree on and is exactly why we have these events. Having people around you express these scary views and you would feel trapped by all the ill-informed opinions that only seem to spout hate for those that are different from themselves. There is a terrible lack of understanding these days which is frightening, but like you there will be so many more who don't share these views but are struggling to heard over the loudness of the hate. I tend to shut down in fear too if I encounter people as they don't/won't even listen to logic.

I have a family member who is trans and this country today terrifies me for the vilification of that community and makes me worry for their safety. It is so easy to blame others and hate them for all of life's problems, but there are those of us who try and shelter and hold a light and hope for better times again.

I hope you are okay, and can eventually find people who you can safely be yourself around, as everyone deserves.

Hi Jakey,

Jakey said:

I never had such a strong urge to end my life immediately. It's too much to handle.

If you feel urgent need of help, please consider the helplines: community.autism.org.uk/.../helplines

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Many of us struggle with the family member's opinions, because we value them, and they hurt more.

It is disturbing how easily humans can slip into hatred. It does not help that media algorithms thrive on hatred, division, click-baiting.

People often divide a social situation into two groups: those they identify with (ingroup), and those excluded (outgroup). The identification may derive from how they dress, or talk, or their race, and given more priority than the values they hold.

Should one trust a liar in a suit, or a casually-dressed truth teller? People often identify a certain model of themselves in the person wearing the suit, and disregard the true statement.

But I would suggest that this isn't just this country. It is more widespread, and at a lower level, a common characteristic of groups.

I agree with your analysis but I hope we can all do our small bit to oppose hatred, and to the extent possible to do so in a peaceful manner.

Dear Jakey,

Whilst I cannot comment on politics, I understand why the current situation is causing you distress and I hope our community is able to help support you with this. 

I was really sorry to hear about the topic of an abuse case triggering your PTSD and thought I would share our resources on:Post-traumatic stress disorder and Seeking help with mental health

Please can any of our community who reply keep in mind:

•  Rule 7: Be respectful in discussions
  Disagreements are fine, but personal attacks, insults, and swearing are not. Respect other viewpoints and avoid escalating arguments.

Best wishes,

Olivia Mod