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Struggling To Confront Family On Topics

Jakey

Just to set it out, trigger warning: politics, abuse, bigotry. 

I'm not sure how much of this I can include because of community rules.

A week ago I was at a gathering and it was seeming like it was going to be a good day. It started to go wrong pretty quickly. 

There was mention of a protest happening near me which was anti-fascist and it was commented on as being "Why do people even bother with them?" 

I hear another really dumb comment responding to that saying they can't be because of the class issues? Which is such an odd thing to say?

Then pride month was mentioned, I want to keep my status private here but I am fully aware of why it's celebrated. It was being discussed and they said "What's the point in celebrating pride, why don't we have a straight one?" I know the answer. However I can't communicate well under pressure. But it hurt knowing that.I also haven't come out to everyone about status there.

Another thing that really bothered me that has turned into politics sadly is the mentions of anti-immigration. For some reason there are a few people in my family that believe in this, and it's heart breaking to hear because there is such blatant misinformation and rage baiting out there, some believe it more than others, where immigration can be accepted. But the other believes lynching is a viable solution...

Then there was a horrible topic bought up later involving a horrific abuse case which for some reason made a point about sexuality. I got sent into PTSD hearing that as I've been negatively affected by trauma related to it in childhood. 

After that I just completely shut down. I can't see these people the same way again, I feel like I've been betrayed, and feel the whole country is plummeting to darkness. I never had such a strong urge to end my life immediately. It's too much to handle. I don't know what to do here. This country is so ***. It's beyond the point of repair, I don't want to be here anymore. 

Parents

  • Hi Jakey,

    Many of us struggle with the family member's opinions, because we value them, and they hurt more.

    It is disturbing how easily humans can slip into hatred, tribalism, and lack of self awareness (criticising in others what they themselves do). It does not help that media algorithms thrive on hatred, division, click-baiting. How many people watch good news? 

    People often divide a social situation into two groups: those they identify with (ingroup), and those excluded (outgroup). The identification may derive from how they dress, or talk, or their race, and given more priority than the values they hold.

    Should one trust a liar in a suit, or a casually-dressed truth teller? People may identify a certain model of themselves in the person wearing the suit, and disregard the true statement. (Because disagreeing with the in-group may be punished (e.g. by peers), discouraging independent thinking.)

    So most people seem to go about their lives with little independent thinking, and opinions agreeing to whoever they consider similar to themselves (or even easier, following a leader). Your questions, I think, or questioning in general, are an example of independent thinking.

    But I would suggest that this isn't just this country. It is more widespread, and at a lower level, a common characteristic of groups.

    I agree with your analysis but I hope we can all do our small bit to oppose hatred, and to the extent possible to do so in a peaceful manner.

Reply

  • Hi Jakey,

    Many of us struggle with the family member's opinions, because we value them, and they hurt more.

    It is disturbing how easily humans can slip into hatred, tribalism, and lack of self awareness (criticising in others what they themselves do). It does not help that media algorithms thrive on hatred, division, click-baiting. How many people watch good news? 

    People often divide a social situation into two groups: those they identify with (ingroup), and those excluded (outgroup). The identification may derive from how they dress, or talk, or their race, and given more priority than the values they hold.

    Should one trust a liar in a suit, or a casually-dressed truth teller? People may identify a certain model of themselves in the person wearing the suit, and disregard the true statement. (Because disagreeing with the in-group may be punished (e.g. by peers), discouraging independent thinking.)

    So most people seem to go about their lives with little independent thinking, and opinions agreeing to whoever they consider similar to themselves (or even easier, following a leader). Your questions, I think, or questioning in general, are an example of independent thinking.

    But I would suggest that this isn't just this country. It is more widespread, and at a lower level, a common characteristic of groups.

    I agree with your analysis but I hope we can all do our small bit to oppose hatred, and to the extent possible to do so in a peaceful manner.

Children
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