Suspecting autism, but is it the real deal, and does it even matter?

You could be camouflaging heavily sk approaching online tests and situations still believing you are typical. What you said about not wanting to engage in social situations if not to do with an event might be significant. It’s fairly useless thing to know in its own and the world this side is dark unaccommodating . I’d say things have got a lot harder since my diagnosis because of the dips and processing. Because before it was something I managed without knowing, now it can be a slightly unwieldy entity that cannot be ignored or unknown. You can be like me spending the rest of your life giving NTs back some of their own medicine, or you can turn your interest to what ever you like. 

Love your first paragraph here, puts it nicely. 

There are signs, it comes from running your nervous system hot for too long. Your margin gets squeezed so things get harder. Not just over a day or two, but over months. Taking a 3 day break doesn't reset you fully, you are fragile and break again quickly if pressed. Your underlying baseline has shifted, not you are stressed for a day.

These are my idea, but others may have a different mix:

Sleep problems, fragmented for example because the rest and digest sympathetic nervous system is not getting a look in. Or can can be sleeping more and being tired. You can also be wired as you are running on adrenaline (I confirmed this with a blood test).

Struggling to relax, at all. May turn to alcohol, not necessarily heavily, but a dependency develops.

Eating becomes less routine.

More things start to annoy you, because your fight flight mode raises the sensitivity of your senses.

Cognitive distortions become more obvious, e.g. black and white thinking, catastrophising.

Emotions become stronger with bigger swings.

Lower ability to cope with anything out of the ordinary. Small things have a disproportionate affect.

You start to think things are your fault, you've failed, you aren't good enough. You may have thoughts of escape including suicide ideation. You are overloaded and looking for an escape 

You become overly defensive and start to shut down.

Signs of depression, but you want to be alone and contact takes too much effort 

No interest in hobbies.

Reducing ability with executive function.

Lack of interest in doing much at all.

Basically it is a question of change. Are things getting harder. If they are you need to ease off or make changes. 

Yes, though I’m guessing it’s hard to figure out what burnout is until you’re there and it’s likely too late. 
All a learning process though. 

I think you just have to be very watchful of your energy levels and be aware of what and when you feel close to burnout. It maybe that certain situations or people just aren't good for you and take whatever steps you can to avoid those people or situations. It does seem like a case of constant monitoring of your being, but I think it worth it, maybe as a first step keep a diary of what or who sets you off, much as you would if you thought you had an allergy or food intolerance.

Good advice, and I think that is the point I’m reaching, with a focus on workarounds and coping strategies rather than diagnosis. 
my big question at the moment though is about burnout, and if I’m actually closer to this than I realise.

But I agree. Diagnosis isn’t going to be the magic thing that necessarily fixes everything for me.

Thank you for your help and advice.  

If your life is fine and your are happy, then don't go looking for problems.

The main advantage of diagnosis is validation and having permission to accept yourself and make changes to relieve problems. There is no magic wand or pile of support available.

If you can cope, are not going to burn out, are happy, then great. Carry on.

If you want to note what you find hard and find coping strategies and workarounds go ahead. You don't need a diagnosis. 

Thank you so much for sharing this, as there are so many parallels with my personal situation, I’m very grateful. 
And congratulations with your recent diagnosis, it must be a relief and a strong personal validation. 
I may well end up down the official diagnosis route for the same reasons. 
I may start with some talking therapy to see if there are any coping mechanisms I can identify to help short term and take it from there for now. 
Thanks again for sharing. 

Thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to taking on the emotions of others, it’s really interesting and helpful to hear someone else’s experience of this. 
Great points around diagnosis as well. I feel like I already understand myself a bit better and I’m early in my journey. Something more formal would offer me more and help others too. 

I’ve been doing more reading on this - it’s really fantastic. I’ve already found a lot of parallels and overlaps. Much to explore. Thanks again. 

I agree with what most of the other posters have said, although I would add that I'm OK with emotions both mine and those of others, I think I'm quite empathetic, this can be both a blessing and a curse as it's easy to take on to many emotions that don't belong to me and become overwhelmed.

I do think it worth asking about a diagnosis, the more of us who are diagnosed the less stigma there will be and the more resourses there will be for those of us who's brains are wired a bit differently. I think this is especially important as we age, normal life events like menopause may effects us differently?

On a more personal level, I believe anything that helps you to understand yourself better is a good thing, although not always comfortable, be prepared for some blow back from friends and family if you go for diagnosis, not everyone is well informed and welcoming, be prepared for comments like 'We're all on the spectrum somewhere', which can feel very disabling and like you're being gaslit when you're having a bad day.

Goldfinch said:

but it would be mostly for personal validation and potentially explanation to friends, family, colleagues

Those are valid considerations that many of us have considered here. 

Some people’s friends and family are more receptive and positive than others to hearing news that their friend/relative is autistic. 

Hi, thank you for sharing. I felt called to reply because I think I can relate.

I was in a very similar boat for a while (using the questionnaires and keeping a log of all the reasons why I thought it might/might not be autistic). I probably spent a good 3 years wondering, and for probably the last 1 of those years I started to try and accommodate myself as if I was indeed autistic, and began to self-identify, and things started to make more and more sense. However the fraud feeling got the better of me and since I was fortunate enough to have access to a free official diagnosis I took the plunge and got a referral. A lot of it was down to curiosity. Like you, I felt a bit bad for pursuing something that in all honesty wouldn't make much of a difference because I'm "successful" and was I claiming to be something that is such a massive struggle for lots of people, did I really need it..

Even up until the point of the assessment itself I truly didn't know what outcome I wanted. I just wanted to know either way. During the assessment I was convinced they were going to say something like "you don't meet the criteria, you just have autistic traits" but lo and behold I did in fact meet the criteria. 

Despite years of 'probably knowing', I was not prepared for the mix of emotions that came with having that label. It's only been 2 weeks so I'm still adjusting. But it's completely up to you how much you even want to use the label/tell people etc. I see it as another self-reflection tool, and a validation that I am "allowed" to be researching autism and accommodating myself 

Not sure if any of that is helpful!

That first sentence hits the nail on the head for more - some tasks / days / projects / circumstances are exhausting, but I get by. 

Thank you for sharing.

Thanks - this is an excellent resource, I'll be having a good read!

Thank you so much for your response - I'm going to work on the pros and cons in the coming weeks.

I've already thought about the risk of a potentially negative diagnosis, which would make me feel awful. At the moment, I don't feel I need the additional support of certain services, but it would be mostly for personal validation and potentially explanation to friends, family, colleagues.

For very many autistic people it is not that we cannot do things, it is just that certain things are very much harder for us to do than is the case for allistic people. I had a 34 year long career in biomedical research, have been married for nearly 30 years and have two children. I am a diagnosed autistic person. IC50, I score between 37 and 40 depending on how I interpret ambiguous questions, RAADS-R ,167, camouflaging,  121, systematising, 91 and RBQ-2A, 42. 

That makes a lot fo sense. It's a journey of self discovery and you don't quite know where you'll end up, but the more you explore, the more certain you will be. One place I found helpful is https://neurodivergentinsights.com/ Dr Neff made a whole ton of Van diagrams if you go to the Misdiagnosis Monday section -she really explores a lot of how different conditions overlaps (inlcuding ones I never heard of prior to starting my research). I found it helpful to consider things, and sometimes people have multiple conditions so it can be harder to tell. Only you will know what fits, kind of like trying on shoes and feeling which you feel comfortable in. Things like autism, you don't need every trouble, everyone has a different pick n' mix of issues. 

You have a good open minded approach, which is a good start for self reflection! 

Hello Goldfinch 

Welcome to the community.

We are all different and have different needs and motivations for seeking a diagnosis or not.

I was diagnosed over a year ago and it was a life saver in the sense that I could start living without overwhelming guilt. My mental health has improved and I feel validated. I wouldn’t have trusted myself to self-identify as an autistic person without diagnosis but others here do and are content with that, or they have other reasons for not seeking a diagnosis.

You might like to make a list of all the pros and cons for getting assessed: E.g., why do you want a diagnosis? How would you feel if you received a negative diagnosis? Would a diagnosis help you access certain services? Would it help you feel validated? 

Best wishes for making the decision that is right for you.

Thank you, this is very kind.

I think for me, it's up for consideration at the moment. I'm coming to an understanding of my situation, and there have been multiple moments of realisation when going through the online assessments. I'm taking the outputs of these with a pinch of salt, but using the questions for self-reflection.

I'm also aware that some of these observations about myself could be due to other reasons, such as a busy and changing lifestyle, lack of sleep (kids!), anxiety or even depression, so I'm keeping an open mind for now.