Suspecting autism, but is it the real deal, and does it even matter?

I agree with what most of the other posters have said, although I would add that I'm OK with emotions both mine and those of others, I think I'm quite empathetic, this can be both a blessing and a curse as it's easy to take on to many emotions that don't belong to me and become overwhelmed.

I do think it worth asking about a diagnosis, the more of us who are diagnosed the less stigma there will be and the more resourses there will be for those of us who's brains are wired a bit differently. I think this is especially important as we age, normal life events like menopause may effects us differently?

On a more personal level, I believe anything that helps you to understand yourself better is a good thing, although not always comfortable, be prepared for some blow back from friends and family if you go for diagnosis, not everyone is well informed and welcoming, be prepared for comments like 'We're all on the spectrum somewhere', which can feel very disabling and like you're being gaslit when you're having a bad day.

Goldfinch said:

but it would be mostly for personal validation and potentially explanation to friends, family, colleagues

Those are valid considerations that many of us have considered here. 

Some people’s friends and family are more receptive and positive than others to hearing news that their friend/relative is autistic. 

Hi, thank you for sharing. I felt called to reply because I think I can relate.

I was in a very similar boat for a while (using the questionnaires and keeping a log of all the reasons why I thought it might/might not be autistic). I probably spent a good 3 years wondering, and for probably the last 1 of those years I started to try and accommodate myself as if I was indeed autistic, and began to self-identify, and things started to make more and more sense. However the fraud feeling got the better of me and since I was fortunate enough to have access to a free official diagnosis I took the plunge and got a referral. A lot of it was down to curiosity. Like you, I felt a bit bad for pursuing something that in all honesty wouldn't make much of a difference because I'm "successful" and was I claiming to be something that is such a massive struggle for lots of people, did I really need it..

Even up until the point of the assessment itself I truly didn't know what outcome I wanted. I just wanted to know either way. During the assessment I was convinced they were going to say something like "you don't meet the criteria, you just have autistic traits" but lo and behold I did in fact meet the criteria. 

Despite years of 'probably knowing', I was not prepared for the mix of emotions that came with having that label. It's only been 2 weeks so I'm still adjusting. But it's completely up to you how much you even want to use the label/tell people etc. I see it as another self-reflection tool, and a validation that I am "allowed" to be researching autism and accommodating myself 

Not sure if any of that is helpful!

That first sentence hits the nail on the head for more - some tasks / days / projects / circumstances are exhausting, but I get by. 

Thank you for sharing.

Thanks - this is an excellent resource, I'll be having a good read!

Thank you so much for your response - I'm going to work on the pros and cons in the coming weeks.

I've already thought about the risk of a potentially negative diagnosis, which would make me feel awful. At the moment, I don't feel I need the additional support of certain services, but it would be mostly for personal validation and potentially explanation to friends, family, colleagues.

For very many autistic people it is not that we cannot do things, it is just that certain things are very much harder for us to do than is the case for allistic people. I had a 34 year long career in biomedical research, have been married for nearly 30 years and have two children. I am a diagnosed autistic person. IC50, I score between 37 and 40 depending on how I interpret ambiguous questions, RAADS-R ,167, camouflaging,  121, systematising, 91 and RBQ-2A, 42. 

That makes a lot fo sense. It's a journey of self discovery and you don't quite know where you'll end up, but the more you explore, the more certain you will be. One place I found helpful is https://neurodivergentinsights.com/ Dr Neff made a whole ton of Van diagrams if you go to the Misdiagnosis Monday section -she really explores a lot of how different conditions overlaps (inlcuding ones I never heard of prior to starting my research). I found it helpful to consider things, and sometimes people have multiple conditions so it can be harder to tell. Only you will know what fits, kind of like trying on shoes and feeling which you feel comfortable in. Things like autism, you don't need every trouble, everyone has a different pick n' mix of issues. 

You have a good open minded approach, which is a good start for self reflection! 

Hello Goldfinch 

Welcome to the community.

We are all different and have different needs and motivations for seeking a diagnosis or not.

I was diagnosed over a year ago and it was a life saver in the sense that I could start living without overwhelming guilt. My mental health has improved and I feel validated. I wouldn’t have trusted myself to self-identify as an autistic person without diagnosis but others here do and are content with that, or they have other reasons for not seeking a diagnosis.

You might like to make a list of all the pros and cons for getting assessed: E.g., why do you want a diagnosis? How would you feel if you received a negative diagnosis? Would a diagnosis help you access certain services? Would it help you feel validated? 

Best wishes for making the decision that is right for you.

Thank you, this is very kind.

I think for me, it's up for consideration at the moment. I'm coming to an understanding of my situation, and there have been multiple moments of realisation when going through the online assessments. I'm taking the outputs of these with a pinch of salt, but using the questions for self-reflection.

I'm also aware that some of these observations about myself could be due to other reasons, such as a busy and changing lifestyle, lack of sleep (kids!), anxiety or even depression, so I'm keeping an open mind for now.

Thank you for this, some really helpful links.

Hey Goldfinch, welcome! (And I like the name!)

It can be tricky deciding whether to get diagnosed, there can be a lot of barriers, and it depends on what you need it on paper for. You sound like you have reasoned it out and balanced it, and if you in your mind identify as autistic, you can self identify, treat yourself kinder and use your knowledge to lead a better lifestyle more suited to you, you might be fine without. But you can change your mind and seek a diagnoses if this changes anytime. If you feel you need it (I did myself to fully acknowledge it), and you are in an area that can give you one, you might feel you want to pursue it, in which case it's good to research the criteria and see if you can tick all the boxes. 

In the mean time, it helps to chat with others here about common life experiences, it can help feel validating! There is a lot of late diagnosed people here in a similar boat! 

It's crazy though when you realise you've lived this long and didn't know about it, there can be mixed emotions, but hopefully it's better to know more about yourself!

Hi and welcome to the community 

if you haven't yet seen them, you might find the information here helpful - they both include insights from other autistics:

NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic

NAS - Deciding whether to seek an autism assessment

There are also several other useful articles in the diagnosis hub.