Hi there,
I’m new to the forum and find myself here due to a number of months of self-reflection.
I have wondered recently if I may be mildly autistic. To give some context, I am in my late 30s and live a normal life, good career, wife, kids etc. In many respects, I have no problems, but I have become increasingly aware of certain aspects of my behaviour that can come across as ‘odd’ for others (which I see as perfectly logical and normal), which in turn leads to tension. This has been exasperated by the life changing event of having children.
There are a number of reasons I believe I may be autistic:
I struggle socially – I don’t avoid social contact at all, but I force myself to do it.
I find keeping friends possible, but a lot of mental effort. I feel like I put far more effort into friendships than I gain from them.
In a professional environment, I am able to network, but find myself talking at people (constantly, about anything, even off topic), and avoid certain scenarios.
I am very sensitive to sounds, finding some sounds annoying when others don’t hear them.
I don’t believe I struggle with most aspects of understanding the emotions of others or sharing my own at all.
My imagination has never been great. I struggle with imaginary play with children and can’t make up a bedtime story for example.
I keep logs of a lot of things, spreadsheets with stats of lots of aspects of day to day life (my weight, how far I have cycled and where, our household energy use by month, fuel consumption of our car, pubs I’ve been to, etc).
I love to plan all of my activities to a lot of detail and hate when this gets de-railed.
For route planning, I’ll look at a detailed map and plan out every turn.
When I’m cooking, I’ll prepare, measure and line up all of the ingredients before starting.
I struggle to make decisions – every option needs to be analysed in a lot of detail before making a decision, however minor.
I believe over the years I have become incredibly good as masking the perceived negative aspects of my personality.
In summary I do feel there are certain aspects of my personality that show significant autistic traits, but am I getting confused with social anxiety, nervousness and my general way of doing things rather than ‘real’ autism?
To attempt to answer this, I have found a number of assessments online as a starting point before talking to family or medical professionals.
Here are the score of the online tests I have done:
AQ50:
A score of 40 out of 50 (where 33+ represents significant autistic traits)
Empathy Quotient:
A score of 33 out of 80 (where 30 or lower indicates autistic traits)
Systemizing Quotient:
A score of 98 out of 150 (where 75+ is indicative of autism)
Rivto Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-R):
A total score of 104 (where 90 = stronger indications of autism, and 130 is the mean score of autistic people.
Camouflaging Autistic Traits (CAT-Q):
A score of 144 (where a score of 100 or above indicates camouflaging of autistic traits).
Adult Repetitive Behaviours (RBQ-2A):
A score of 36 out of 60 (where the threshold range is 26+, and average autistic score is 36).
I’ve done others as well, and I’m registering on pretty much all of them as within threshold.
I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts, and if it would be beneficial to seek further professional advice?
I feel a little bit like a fraud as I am aware my traits are not anything like those others live with, but also aware that it may be having more of an impact on my life (and others) than I assume it is.
I'm also struggling to understand if putting a diagnosis on it really matters, given my life has been going pretty ok without it so far.
Any views would be most welcome.
Thanks.
