• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 80 subscribers
  • Views 136 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Suspecting autism, but is it the real deal, and does it even matter?

Goldfinch

Hi there,

 

I’m new to the forum and find myself here due to a number of months of self-reflection.

 

I have wondered recently if I may be mildly autistic. To give some context, I am in my late 30s and live a normal life, good career, wife, kids etc. In many respects, I have no problems, but I have become increasingly aware of certain aspects of my behaviour that can come across as ‘odd’ for others (which I see as perfectly logical and normal), which in turn leads to tension. This has been exasperated by the life changing event of having children.

 

There are a number of reasons I believe I may be autistic:

 

I struggle socially – I don’t avoid social contact at all, but I force myself to do it.

I find keeping friends possible, but a lot of mental effort. I feel like I put far more effort into friendships than I gain from them.

In a professional environment, I am able to network, but find myself talking at people (constantly, about anything, even off topic), and avoid certain scenarios.

I am very sensitive to sounds, finding some sounds annoying when others don’t hear them.

I don’t believe I struggle with most aspects of understanding the emotions of others or sharing my own at all.

My imagination has never been great. I struggle with imaginary play with children and can’t make up a bedtime story for example.

I keep logs of a lot of things, spreadsheets with stats of lots of aspects of day to day life (my weight, how far I have cycled and where, our household energy use by month, fuel consumption of our car, pubs I’ve been to, etc).

I love to plan all of my activities to a lot of detail and hate when this gets de-railed.

For route planning, I’ll look at a detailed map and plan out every turn.

When I’m cooking, I’ll prepare, measure and line up all of the ingredients before starting.

I struggle to make decisions – every option needs to be analysed in a lot of detail before making a decision, however minor.

 

I believe over the years I have become incredibly good as masking the perceived negative aspects of my personality.

 

In summary I do feel there are certain aspects of my personality that show significant autistic traits, but am I getting confused with social anxiety, nervousness and my general way of doing things rather than ‘real’ autism?

 

To attempt to answer this, I have found a number of assessments online as a starting point before talking to family or medical professionals.

Here are the score of the online tests I have done:

 

AQ50:

A score of 40 out of 50 (where 33+ represents significant autistic traits)

 Empathy Quotient:

A score of 33 out of 80 (where 30 or lower indicates autistic traits)

 Systemizing Quotient:

A score of 98 out of 150 (where 75+ is indicative of autism)

 Rivto Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-R):

A total score of 104 (where 90 = stronger indications of autism, and 130 is the mean score of autistic people.

 Camouflaging Autistic Traits (CAT-Q):

A score of 144 (where a score of 100 or above indicates camouflaging of autistic traits).

 Adult Repetitive Behaviours (RBQ-2A):

A score of 36 out of 60 (where the threshold range is 26+, and average autistic score is 36).

  

I’ve done others as well, and I’m registering on pretty much all of them as within threshold.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts, and if it would be beneficial to seek further professional advice?

I feel a little bit like a fraud as I am aware my traits are not anything like those others live with, but also aware that it may be having more of an impact on my life (and others) than I assume it is.

I'm also struggling to understand if putting a diagnosis on it really matters, given my life has been going pretty ok without it so far. 

Any views would be most welcome.

Thanks.

Parents

  • Hey Goldfinch, welcome! (And I like the name!)

    It can be tricky deciding whether to get diagnosed, there can be a lot of barriers, and it depends on what you need it on paper for. You sound like you have reasoned it out and balanced it, and if you in your mind identify as autistic, you can self identify, treat yourself kinder and use your knowledge to lead a better lifestyle more suited to you, you might be fine without. But you can change your mind and seek a diagnoses if this changes anytime. If you feel you need it (I did myself to fully acknowledge it), and you are in an area that can give you one, you might feel you want to pursue it, in which case it's good to research the criteria and see if you can tick all the boxes. 

    In the mean time, it helps to chat with others here about common life experiences, it can help feel validating! There is a lot of late diagnosed people here in a similar boat! 

    It's crazy though when you realise you've lived this long and didn't know about it, there can be mixed emotions, but hopefully it's better to know more about yourself!

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you, this is very kind.

    I think for me, it's up for consideration at the moment. I'm coming to an understanding of my situation, and there have been multiple moments of realisation when going through the online assessments. I'm taking the outputs of these with a pinch of salt, but using the questions for self-reflection.

    I'm also aware that some of these observations about myself could be due to other reasons, such as a busy and changing lifestyle, lack of sleep (kids!), anxiety or even depression, so I'm keeping an open mind for now.

Reply
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you, this is very kind.

    I think for me, it's up for consideration at the moment. I'm coming to an understanding of my situation, and there have been multiple moments of realisation when going through the online assessments. I'm taking the outputs of these with a pinch of salt, but using the questions for self-reflection.

    I'm also aware that some of these observations about myself could be due to other reasons, such as a busy and changing lifestyle, lack of sleep (kids!), anxiety or even depression, so I'm keeping an open mind for now.

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks - this is an excellent resource, I'll be having a good read!

  • in reply to Goldfinch

    That makes a lot fo sense. It's a journey of self discovery and you don't quite know where you'll end up, but the more you explore, the more certain you will be. One place I found helpful is https://neurodivergentinsights.com/ Dr Neff made a whole ton of Van diagrams if you go to the Misdiagnosis Monday section -she really explores a lot of how different conditions overlaps (inlcuding ones I never heard of prior to starting my research). I found it helpful to consider things, and sometimes people have multiple conditions so it can be harder to tell. Only you will know what fits, kind of like trying on shoes and feeling which you feel comfortable in. Things like autism, you don't need every trouble, everyone has a different pick n' mix of issues. 

    You have a good open minded approach, which is a good start for self reflection!