How to bring up that my brother may have Autism?

You're welcome! 

That’s true, maybe he does suspect something. I can tell he struggles in life, and I feel that a diagnosis (if he does indeed have autism) could point him in the right direction as to the tools and help that is out there.

Also, well done for tell your friend that you have self diagnosed. Not an easy thing to share with somebody.

Thank you, appreciate it! I’ll have a look

michal7899 said:

Any book recommendations? If I’m totally honest, I suspect I might be on the spectrum also, since both a friend and ex-partner hinted at it. Might be beneficial for me also.

The link that I mentioned in my first reply below might be helpful:

NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic

It can be very useful for identifying and noting down things that support your suspicions (it lists over 60 signs). This list, along with a screening questionnaire (more on this below) would typically be what a GP would require when assessing suitability for referral.

If you or your brother would like to learn more about getting assessed, these articles are a good place to start:

NAS - Deciding whether to seek an autism assessment

NAS - How to request an autism assessment

They are from the NAS's diagnosis hub, which covers all stages of the process.

For those who live in England, it also includes information about requesting an assessment via Right to Choose, which enables access to private providers who might have much shorter waiting lists than the NHS, but with the referral and assessment still fully funded by the NHS (so there is no need to go, or pay, privately).

The NAS articles do include links to screening questionnaires that GPs would require - and that you and your brother can complete first, to get a better idea of whether your suspicions are correct.

But you might prefer to use the website below for this. It provides a useful commentary for each questionnaire, and enables them to be completed online (with scores calculated for you), saved as PDFs and - if the results support your suspicions and you decide to seek a formal diagnosis - printed off to take with you to the GP.

The AQ-10 or AQ-50 are the most frequently used / required by GPs in support of NHS referrals. (RAADS-R might also be helpful, but recent research has thrown doubt on its validity as a screening tool).

Embrace Autism - screening tests

Thank you, your reply is very helpful. If I just say “I think you might have autism”, then he may react negatively. Especially since things such as autism can carry a negative stigma around them.

Any book recommendations? If I’m totally honest, I suspect I might be on the spectrum also, since both a friend and ex-partner hinted at it. Might be beneficial for me also.

I think a gentle way to bring it up is not to say directly, you've got autism, but do it more indirectly to spark his interest and see if he researches it further himself.  Maybe say you were reading a book/listening to a show/read an article about autism (whichever you've done), and that you learned some interesting things about it and how it shows up in adults (that kind of thing, like you wrote above). Then you could talk about some of the signs, like you mentioned, maybe some others too so it doesn't feel quite so directed at him. And as profdanger says, talk about some famous people who are autistic and just appear to interested in it to see if it sparks curiosity. If you had a book, you could offer to lend it even. It's more allowing discovery rather than forcing it, as then it might not be welcome.

It only clicked for me when I was listening to a podcast and the guy was describing all these things that I did. It's that light bulb moment when you realise you aren't the only one with 'quirks', and there is actually a word for it.

I've only told my sister's about it, especially the younger one as I thought she might be too, and found out she already self-identified as my other sister had signposted her to it a few years back. (I mask a lot more and have since I was small, where she has always struggled more visibly, we just didn't know it was all connected).

I hope it helps a little.

Good going TimC, it's a hard thing to tell people about, but so glad you had a good response. Some people aren't happy to be told, so he was probably unsure about bringing it up, but was probably giving you accommodations without you having to ask.  It's nice that you can be yourself with your friend and he already accepts you for who you are!

Hello and welcome, by the way!  

TimC said:

Wasn't Hopkins merely speaking his mind without apparent concern for the feelings of others? That and coming across as blunt or rude are signs of autism that we should all be familiar with.

Those certainly can be signs, and I agree with the importance of knowing them. He might also be very rigid in those beliefs, which can also be consistent with autism. But that's incidental to the point I was hoping to make.

In many respects, he might be a great example. But given his well-publicised views (it's all nonsense, rubbish, and just a fashionable label), he might not be the best "positive example" if the OP is trying to encourage their brother to consider whether he might be autistic, and perhaps to seek a diagnosis and/or support.

For me, what Hopkins said is the opposite of autism advocacy - consistent with the backlash that the article reports on. As the spokesperson for the ADHD Foundation said, "Comments like these can discourage people from seeking support or diagnosis."

This morning I plucked up the courage to tell my best friend that I had recently self-diagnosed with Autism. He immediately responded by telling me that he had known for several years. As a teacher, he had been trained to identify the signs with his students. But he had avoided bringing up the subject with me because he didn't want to risk upsetting me in any way. I told him that I wished he had said something a lot earlier. I suspect your brother could well feel the same way. 

Wasn't Hopkins merely speaking his mind without apparent concern for the feelings of others? That and coming across as blunt or rude are signs of autism that we should all be familiar with.

I often feel the same as him in questioning the need for labels that attempt to fit us into specific pigeon holes. We're all different.

Ah yeah, you’re right that was an opinion. I can see how people could view Thunberg as not a positive example as well.

profdanger said:

Actor Anthony Hopkins and activist Greta Thunberg are positive examples of people with Autism

That's perhaps a matter of opinion 

For example, Anthony Hopkins reportedly said, during an interview with The Sunday Times:

"Well, I guess I'm cynical because it's all nonsense, it's all rubbish — ADHD, OCD, Asperger’s, blah, blah, blah,” he said. “Oh God, it's called living, it's just being a human being, full of tangled webs and mysteries and stuff that's in us, full of warts and grime and craziness. It’s the human condition. All these labels — I mean, who cares? But now it’s fashion”

The Standard - Anthony Hopkins criticised by ADHD and autism advocates after dismissing neurodivergent labels as ‘nonsense’

That’s definitely a difficult topic to bring up, for sure. I can see how that could be taken negatively. One thing that I would try is bringing up positive examples of people with Autism. Actor Anthony Hopkins and activist Greta Thunberg are positive examples of people with Autism that are still significant members of society. You could even bring up that many famous minds of yesteryear such as Mozart and Einstein may have had undiagnosed Autism. If you normalize Autism, it may make it that he would be more receptive to it or even come to the conclusion himself.

Hi and welcome to the community!

You might find the advice here helpful - it includes insights from autistic people and their families:

NAS - How to bring up that you think someone may be autistic

This might also be helpful, perhaps for him too:

NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic