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How to bring up that my brother may have Autism?

michal7899

Hi everyone,

I have an older brother (33) who I feel may have autism. He still lives with my parents, doesn’t have any real friends, struggles making social connections and can’t stand crowded places e.g. restaurants. In addition to this, he has struggled holding down jobs and has issues controlling his emotions. I myself have struggled with mental health on and off throughout my adult life, and my ex-partner was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so I’ve had to educate myself a fair amount on mental health/disorders etc. 

My issue is that I don’t know how to bring up to him that he might have autism. Worried that he will snap at me and close off. I could very well be wrong since I’m not a therapist, but his symptoms do seem to match what I have read online. In an ideal world, he would go and seek therapy, and the therapist would then bring up the possibility of him having autism; he might be more open to the possibility if it comes from a therapist rather than his younger brother.   

I spoke to my mum about this once but she told me that they took him for a diagnosis when he was around 5 (mid-late 90s) because he had difficulties speaking, but that was in a small town in Eastern Europe, so I doubt that the diagnostic methods were as good as they are now.

Was anyone else in a similar situation? If so, how did you go about it? I’d appreciate any advice, since I do care and worry about my brother a lot.

Parents

  • I think a gentle way to bring it up is not to say directly, you've got autism, but do it more indirectly to spark his interest and see if he researches it further himself.  Maybe say you were reading a book/listening to a show/read an article about autism (whichever you've done), and that you learned some interesting things about it and how it shows up in adults (that kind of thing, like you wrote above). Then you could talk about some of the signs, like you mentioned, maybe some others too so it doesn't feel quite so directed at him. And as profdanger says, talk about some famous people who are autistic and just appear to interested in it to see if it sparks curiosity. If you had a book, you could offer to lend it even. It's more allowing discovery rather than forcing it, as then it might not be welcome.

    It only clicked for me when I was listening to a podcast and the guy was describing all these things that I did. It's that light bulb moment when you realise you aren't the only one with 'quirks', and there is actually a word for it.

    I've only told my sister's about it, especially the younger one as I thought she might be too, and found out she already self-identified as my other sister had signposted her to it a few years back. (I mask a lot more and have since I was small, where she has always struggled more visibly, we just didn't know it was all connected).

    I hope it helps a little.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you, your reply is very helpful. If I just say “I think you might have autism”, then he may react negatively. Especially since things such as autism can carry a negative stigma around them.

    Any book recommendations? If I’m totally honest, I suspect I might be on the spectrum also, since both a friend and ex-partner hinted at it. Might be beneficial for me also.

  • in reply to michal7899
    michal7899 said:
    Any book recommendations? If I’m totally honest, I suspect I might be on the spectrum also, since both a friend and ex-partner hinted at it. Might be beneficial for me also.

    The link that I mentioned in my first reply below might be helpful:

    NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic

    It can be very useful for identifying and noting down things that support your suspicions (it lists over 60 signs). This list, along with a screening questionnaire (more on this below) would typically be what a GP would require when assessing suitability for referral.

    If you or your brother would like to learn more about getting assessed, these articles are a good place to start:

    NAS - Deciding whether to seek an autism assessment

    NAS - How to request an autism assessment

    They are from the NAS's diagnosis hub, which covers all stages of the process.

    For those who live in England, it also includes information about requesting an assessment via Right to Choose, which enables access to private providers who might have much shorter waiting lists than the NHS, but with the referral and assessment still fully funded by the NHS (so there is no need to go, or pay, privately).

    The NAS articles do include links to screening questionnaires that GPs would require - and that you and your brother can complete first, to get a better idea of whether your suspicions are correct.

    But you might prefer to use the website below for this. It provides a useful commentary for each questionnaire, and enables them to be completed online (with scores calculated for you), saved as PDFs and - if the results support your suspicions and you decide to seek a formal diagnosis - printed off to take with you to the GP.

    The AQ-10 or AQ-50 are the most frequently used / required by GPs in support of NHS referrals. (RAADS-R might also be helpful, but recent research has thrown doubt on its validity as a screening tool).

    Embrace Autism - screening tests

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you, appreciate it! I’ll have a look

Reply Children