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How to bring up that my brother may have Autism?

michal7899

Hi everyone,

I have an older brother (33) who I feel may have autism. He still lives with my parents, doesn’t have any real friends, struggles making social connections and can’t stand crowded places e.g. restaurants. In addition to this, he has struggled holding down jobs and has issues controlling his emotions. I myself have struggled with mental health on and off throughout my adult life, and my ex-partner was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so I’ve had to educate myself a fair amount on mental health/disorders etc. 

My issue is that I don’t know how to bring up to him that he might have autism. Worried that he will snap at me and close off. I could very well be wrong since I’m not a therapist, but his symptoms do seem to match what I have read online. In an ideal world, he would go and seek therapy, and the therapist would then bring up the possibility of him having autism; he might be more open to the possibility if it comes from a therapist rather than his younger brother.   

I spoke to my mum about this once but she told me that they took him for a diagnosis when he was around 5 (mid-late 90s) because he had difficulties speaking, but that was in a small town in Eastern Europe, so I doubt that the diagnostic methods were as good as they are now.

Was anyone else in a similar situation? If so, how did you go about it? I’d appreciate any advice, since I do care and worry about my brother a lot.

Parents

  • I think a gentle way to bring it up is not to say directly, you've got autism, but do it more indirectly to spark his interest and see if he researches it further himself.  Maybe say you were reading a book/listening to a show/read an article about autism (whichever you've done), and that you learned some interesting things about it and how it shows up in adults (that kind of thing, like you wrote above). Then you could talk about some of the signs, like you mentioned, maybe some others too so it doesn't feel quite so directed at him. And as profdanger says, talk about some famous people who are autistic and just appear to interested in it to see if it sparks curiosity. If you had a book, you could offer to lend it even. It's more allowing discovery rather than forcing it, as then it might not be welcome.

    It only clicked for me when I was listening to a podcast and the guy was describing all these things that I did. It's that light bulb moment when you realise you aren't the only one with 'quirks', and there is actually a word for it.

    I've only told my sister's about it, especially the younger one as I thought she might be too, and found out she already self-identified as my other sister had signposted her to it a few years back. (I mask a lot more and have since I was small, where she has always struggled more visibly, we just didn't know it was all connected).

    I hope it helps a little.

Reply

  • I think a gentle way to bring it up is not to say directly, you've got autism, but do it more indirectly to spark his interest and see if he researches it further himself.  Maybe say you were reading a book/listening to a show/read an article about autism (whichever you've done), and that you learned some interesting things about it and how it shows up in adults (that kind of thing, like you wrote above). Then you could talk about some of the signs, like you mentioned, maybe some others too so it doesn't feel quite so directed at him. And as profdanger says, talk about some famous people who are autistic and just appear to interested in it to see if it sparks curiosity. If you had a book, you could offer to lend it even. It's more allowing discovery rather than forcing it, as then it might not be welcome.

    It only clicked for me when I was listening to a podcast and the guy was describing all these things that I did. It's that light bulb moment when you realise you aren't the only one with 'quirks', and there is actually a word for it.

    I've only told my sister's about it, especially the younger one as I thought she might be too, and found out she already self-identified as my other sister had signposted her to it a few years back. (I mask a lot more and have since I was small, where she has always struggled more visibly, we just didn't know it was all connected).

    I hope it helps a little.

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you, your reply is very helpful. If I just say “I think you might have autism”, then he may react negatively. Especially since things such as autism can carry a negative stigma around them.

    Any book recommendations? If I’m totally honest, I suspect I might be on the spectrum also, since both a friend and ex-partner hinted at it. Might be beneficial for me also.