Haircuts! Why are the small things so hard?

I was inspired by an interview with Joanna Lumley (cuts her own hair) - I got myself a comfortable pair of hairdressers scissors - and have never been back to a salon since!

Here is an entertaining short video clip of her interview (watch out it using headphones - towards the end of the clip the male interviewer dissolves into raucously loud laughter):

m.youtube.com/.../ZZWIEN_FMnQ

I'm lucky - my wife is a hairdresser with her own salon. She cuts my hair out of hours, doing it exactly as she decides so I don't even have the worry of trying to explain what I want.

Just another million small things to attempt to overcome now.

Reading your post, it suddenly struck me that I've not been to a hairdresser / for many many years. I think the last time any0one else did anything to my hair was when I had braids & extensions put in when I was going to Whitby Goth Weekend about 25-odd years ago!. I've mostly cut my own hair and even though I'm now extensively bald, I still cut what hair I have left myself. As a student I would visit a friend who had a set of clippers, or shave my head with a razor. When I had short hair I would often dye it (I had two nicknames in a bar I worked at - Astroturf and Sonic - imaginative eh?). It has only just dawned on me that this might be an Autist thing, as I remember I used to hate being taken to have my hair cut as a child. I hated the sound of the clippers around my ears and was always very nervous because I didn't like it when they inevitably nicked the skin behind my ears (why do they always do that?). I think I find cutting my own hair lots more convenient - there's no need to make an appointment and I can just cut it when it's getting annoying.

I am eternally grateful that I went bald at an early age. I have always hated going to hairdressers/barber's, not just because of the sensory horror of other people touching me but also because of the expectation that you will engage in small talk. Now I just need 5 minutes with the clippers, DIY haircare. Any mistakes my own.

Expecto_Patronum said:

Why are the small things so damn difficult?

They say the devil is in the detail and it's true. It might be because most of us notice the micro detail more than bigger things. I hate going to the hairdresser but she knows and is accommodating.

Could you book by email, then explain things when they reply. I think it's a question of the salon getting used to you, which is their job ie customer service, so I wouldn't be phased by asking exactly what you need. Meanwhile, is there anyone who could trim the bits that annoy you?

I think that maybe I don’t care that much if it doesn’t look great! I think it’s true though ( as everyone has said) that it depends on the hair type and all sorts of other relevant issues. My absolute hatred of going to the hairdresser (sitting in front of that mirror trying to make polite conversation was unbearable for me) led me to think that anything is better than going through that! And doing my husband and sons hair was never that difficult ( they never wanted to face the hairdresser either!). My eldest son’s girlfriend cuts his now, and she cuts her own (or her mum cuts it for her). We seem to be an all round no hairdresser family! Plus it saves us a lot of money which is a massive bonus. After many years I think I’m pretty good at cutting hair now. Early on though I must admit there were a few less than good attempts! 

I would be the same. I practiced on my wigs which were placed on a head stand when I’d finished with them after chemotherapy years ago, and unsurprisingly found I haven’t got the fine motor skills to cut hair in a stylish or uniform fashion. I can see what should be, but my hand and fingers can’t make the movement to get the result I see in my mind. 

I have the same problem with writing and drawing. I appreciate a good painting and I have a good eye for seeing if the perspective in a landscape painting with figures and objects looks right, but I can’t do it myself.

Many of us have difficulties with executive functioning, and while it can be improved with practice, it remains limited. 

Mine would have to be cut with scissors and I wouldn't manage a mirror at all. I really struggle with directions when looking in a mirror. I would likely make a complete mess of it.

I have been brave and booked an appointment for Saturday somewhere new. I didn't manage to tell them very much other than I want it cut so goodness knows what it'll be like. But at least I've got over the first obstacle.

Mine is neither really short or long. I would not manage to cut it evenly. Particularly at the back. I couldn't rely on using a mirror to see what I'm doing. I really struggle with directions in a mirror.

It depends on what your hair type is and what sort of cut you have. It also depends massively on your mobility, I used to cut my own hair, but can't anymore due to hyper mobility in my fingers and frozen shoulders. Not everyone can cope with using mirrors to see the back of their heads either.

Clippers are easy to use, but scissors a bit harder, you need really good sharp scissors that are proper hairdressing scissors, they're not expensive to buy, but blunt scissors will tear the hair leading to split ends and worse.

It’s easy if you have either really short or really long hair. Short hair: clippers, long hair: just cut the ends of now and again. Lots of good YouTube videos that show you how to cut hair too. It’s not rocket science :) 

I would much prefer they cut it dry but people always seem to be reluctant. It is so different wet to dry I don't see how they can possibly cut it correctly wet.

I live in an extremely not culturally mixed area so I guess hair dressers in my area are unlikely to have that experience.

I am trying to persuade myself to ring the salon closest to me tomorrow and try and book in. Simply because it is easier to process trying this salon when I know exactly where it is and can picture the outside. I'll see how that conversation goes if I manage it. Baby steps.

But thank you for all your advice. It is interesting hearing from someone that understands both hair and autism.

Wow your knowledge is very helpful, there is a lot of things to look for in a good hairdresser. 

I was going to suggest making sure you EP gets a script prepared for calling up to make an appointment that might be good to get help with. Such as asking if they have experience with curly hair (or have covered it if it's a training salon). It sounds like a good thing to lead with when calling up, then could go on to asking about any sensory requirements. 

I imagine training people are less likely to talk too much as they will be concentrating!

Edit: to be a bit more clear. I was suggesting Expecto_Patronum writing out a script to use on the phone, and you could give pointers TheCatWoman ?

I think curly hair can be easier to cut dry than wet, very curly hair will stretch quite a lot when wet and its easy to take to much off. I wouldn't spray down curly hair as its often not as evenly wet as when properly shampooed. A training salon should be able to manage different types of hair better, different hair types are all covered in training, so trainees will have to learn to deal with it.

Going to a salon in a culturally mixed area might be a good idea as they will likely have more experience with a variety of hair types. I don't know your ethnicity and nor do I need too, but there are plenty of European people with hair that curls from the root, just the same as people of African descent, some European people with very curly hair may find products aimed at African hair better for them, alot of people don't realise that curly hair can be dry and need conditioning just as much as European and Asian hair.

One thing I will say to everyone, when seeing a new hairdresser, if the try and get you to have your hair shampooed before looking at your hair when dry, turn around and walk out. A good hairdresser will want to see how your hair behaves when dry, where growth patterns are, things like your crown and where your neck hair starts, also how much hair you have. Is there loads of it, is it thin and sparse, I've had people come to me insisting they want a "Rachel" from friends, when they have 2 hairs and a parting, they're not going to be able to have that, they simply don't have enough hair, but there are plenty of other style options for them, a good stylist will gently but firmly talk them through they're options. 

Very brave but glad you liked it.

A training salon will be used to both male and female clients, some will run barvering courses, but you don't have to go to the barbering class if you don't want too.

I always got on well with my young clients by treating them like a grown-up and involving them as much as possible in deciding how they wanted their hair cut, what I was doing and why. I made into as much of a game as I could, by making them feel grown-up and in control.

I initially cut it with scissors on top and shaved at the side but then one day I just couldn't be bothered and shaved it XD. I was surprised buy how much I like it.

Yes I've had a couple of disaster haircuts and I think those experiences really stay with you.

Life would be easier if I could just shave it off but that would be a heck of a change and I don't like change

There are so many elements that I dislike. I don't particularly like being touched or people in my space so that is a problem to start with but as you say there isn't much that can be done about that. This may sound awful and judgemental but I really don't mean it this way - one person that has cut my hair was a larger lady and I found this particularly challenging as it really felt she was in my space in every way. Obviously not something she could do anything about and not a judgment of her but something I'm aware is more difficult for me.

I definitely dislike the shampooing etc. It feels painful when they wash my hair and massage the scalp. People dont tend to want to dry cut my hair as it's curly. The most recent used a spray bottle which was better but I don't know whether a salon would do this.

I struggle with them talking to me. This is a problem with the person that usually does it. She chats whether I respond or not. I would prefer to sit in silence but struggle to communicate this.

I also worry about them cutting it correctly. I have found some people don't understand curly hair. They don't understand how much it jumps up once dry which has led to some dodgy hair cuts. This has left me with anxiety about having too much off but is also frustrating when they don't take enough off. This is a particular problem at the moment as I have gone over. This would make me worry about going to a trainee as some experienced hairdressers have got that so wrong.

I also worry about people not listening to me. I dont like it being styled. I just want them to cut it. I have previously had over enthusiastic hairdressers that have felt the need to style it how they want which I do not like at all. I don't want it to look different. When I voiced this to one they responded "well that's why people go to the hairdressers isn't it, to be pushed out of their comfort zone" and went ahead and did it anyway. "No I go to the hairdresser's to get my hair cut. End of story". Safe to say I never returned to that person.

This is part of why I'm finding it so difficult to contact a new salon. It is so much to explain, I'd struggle to do that face to face. I'd rather be able to message or email but I'm not finding many that have this function.