Haircuts! Why are the small things so hard?

I initially cut it with scissors on top and shaved at the side but then one day I just couldn't be bothered and shaved it XD. I was surprised buy how much I like it.

Yes I've had a couple of disaster haircuts and I think those experiences really stay with you.

Life would be easier if I could just shave it off but that would be a heck of a change and I don't like change

There are so many elements that I dislike. I don't particularly like being touched or people in my space so that is a problem to start with but as you say there isn't much that can be done about that. This may sound awful and judgemental but I really don't mean it this way - one person that has cut my hair was a larger lady and I found this particularly challenging as it really felt she was in my space in every way. Obviously not something she could do anything about and not a judgment of her but something I'm aware is more difficult for me.

I definitely dislike the shampooing etc. It feels painful when they wash my hair and massage the scalp. People dont tend to want to dry cut my hair as it's curly. The most recent used a spray bottle which was better but I don't know whether a salon would do this.

I struggle with them talking to me. This is a problem with the person that usually does it. She chats whether I respond or not. I would prefer to sit in silence but struggle to communicate this.

I also worry about them cutting it correctly. I have found some people don't understand curly hair. They don't understand how much it jumps up once dry which has led to some dodgy hair cuts. This has left me with anxiety about having too much off but is also frustrating when they don't take enough off. This is a particular problem at the moment as I have gone over. This would make me worry about going to a trainee as some experienced hairdressers have got that so wrong.

I also worry about people not listening to me. I dont like it being styled. I just want them to cut it. I have previously had over enthusiastic hairdressers that have felt the need to style it how they want which I do not like at all. I don't want it to look different. When I voiced this to one they responded "well that's why people go to the hairdressers isn't it, to be pushed out of their comfort zone" and went ahead and did it anyway. "No I go to the hairdresser's to get my hair cut. End of story". Safe to say I never returned to that person.

This is part of why I'm finding it so difficult to contact a new salon. It is so much to explain, I'd struggle to do that face to face. I'd rather be able to message or email but I'm not finding many that have this function.

That's great advice, I will look into the training salon as I don't have anywhere I go anyway. 

My son is tricky, he doesn't like razors and has it fairly long for a boy so I have to cut with scissors. When he was small he did go to the barber with my husband but decided they cut it too short for his liking. I thought taking him to a more female/unisex salon might work, if I had somewhere to take him. 

But non of us had a diagnosis before. Now I finally understand our sensory issues, as well as the social issues. Maybe it won't feel so impossible as I have language now to talk about it.

And it's reassuring to find there are other people who find it difficult too. Everyone seems to love going so it makes your feel weird when you don't.

I relate to this. I intensely dislike going to the hairdresser but I am unable to cut my own hair. 

My hairdresser was off work for months a year ago, and when she returned and cut my hair it was a disaster. There were bits she had omitted and one side was longer than the other. The next two times she cut my hair it wasn’t much better even though I told her what was wrong with the previous cuts. 

I really need to get my hair cut properly in the next week or too, so I am thinking about trying somewhere else but I’m dreading making the change.

Thats one reason why I think it's important to have a personal recomendation or a consultation where you can explain your needs and fears.

It is an odd situation, it's intimate, but fully clothed, it may help if you can break down what you dislike about the experience? Is it having your hair shampooed, or having it sprayed down, the finishing process of drying and tweeking? I know a lot of people find the proximity and being touched difficult, but there's not a lot anyone can do about that. If you dislike being shampooed or sprayed down, you could ask for a dry cut.

One of the things that both you and CinnebarWing could try is a training salon at your local college, now take a deep breath and sit back down as I can hear the panic as I'm typing. You would have a trainee as your hairdresser, but as they are a trainee they will be being trained in best practice, they will be overseen by a teacher who will check and monitor thier work, a college may also be more aware of special needs and accomodations. 

I used to go to the training salon before I ever thought about it as a career choice, I just became fascinated by it. A cut will take longer as they're still learning and they have to get everything they do checked by their supervisor, it's also cheaper too. The other thing is on the rare occaison something might go wrong and this is something I've never experinced, someone better trained will be there to help sort it out, they won't be in a huff or anything with you, but upset that you've had a bad time and want to put it right. But most of the time, it's all ok just takes a bit longer and costs less.

Yeah I've hated getting my haircut since I was a child. I hate the horrible itchyness of the hair cuttings down the back of my neck. I hate the knowing what to say, and what to ask for. I dreaded when the haircut day was getting closer and then was so glad when it was done. I got to the age of 25 and just decided I was sick of it and decided to cut my own hair. Now I just shave it off and let if grow back, rinse and repeat :p

Oh my goodness yes. This made me smile. Thank you. I would love to have a spell that would mean I didn't have to have a haircut ever again. Or just a wand that meant I could cut my hair magically would be amazing. Oh there are so many things the wizarding world being real would make easier in my life.

Oh, I see. Maybe something nice will happen by accident. Sending you energy! And now I can’t help but think of Harry Potter cause of your name here, when his aunt tried to cut his hair but he just kept growing it back again and again, in your case it should be vice versa.

I have considered this.

I think part of my dilemma is that I'm not that comfortable with my normal hairdresser as it is and I have been considering changing anyway but fear of the unknown and all that. So I'm hesitant to request someone to fill in when I perhaps should be finding someone to replace.

My normal hairdresser advertises themselves as autism, anxiety, sensory friendly and unfortunately I have not found this to be the case. She is kind and a nice person. But she is very chatty which I dislike and doesn't seem to have much awareness of things that could impact sensory wise. Ive also found a big issue with having it at home is that there is no mirror Infront of me so I can't see what she's doing which is a horrible feeling. I thought I'd prefer not having to go to a salon but I'm not sure that I do.

Expecto_Patronum said:

and that hairdresser is now unavailable for reasons that aren't her fault

Hello! How about texting your hairdresser and asking if there’s another kind colleague she knows who could replace her just for one appointment cause your hair now really bothers you. 

80% of us can’t handle a job ( following the statistics, but everyone feel free to correct me!) ) so I am pretty happy about you not liking hairdressers to much! Congrats on your career! 

For me, going to the hairdresser is a major thing also. It feels very private: it’s tactile and verbal at the same time, with the mirror, the music, and other people around. It’s a sensitive situation. I’ve changed my hairdresser like 20 times cause I need a not very verbal and kind person. It is great to read about you and that my sensitivity is okay too.

My wording may have been confusing. Although I don't like it getting long. It isn't short short so would not be simple to do at home.

Hairdressers not listening is one of my big concerns with going to someone new.

It's silly but I hate asking for help with something like this and I don't really have a lot of options of people to ask. Thinking about asking just seems to be a lot of extra mental steps. I think I've just got myself stuck on this one.

I wouldn't have much confidence in my ability for something like that. I think I'd come out looking rather interesting.

I cut my own hair, and my husbands, and my youngest sons. I’ve always hated going to the hairdresser. Cutting hair isn’t that difficult. 

As a former hairdresser I can honestly say I'm appalled at the way some hairdressers are so bad, they don't listen and do what they want rather than what I've asked for and I can speak thier language!

EP, if you want a short cut, how about getting a set of clippers and doing it yourself? Good ones will have combs that come in a range of lenghts, basically 1mm per comb, the comb is the bit that fits over the clippers.  Theres s set on amazon for £21 that go up to 25mm and down as far as 1mm if you want to go full on skin head, they're whal ones and thats the make most professionals use..

Maybe it would also be an option for your kids CW? As for yourself or anyone looking for a hairdresser, I'd go in the salon and look at the stylists if they all have the same or a very similar style you can be pretty sure that you will get that style too. It's a good idea to have a look at some styles so as you can show them somethings you like, not all may suit your hair or how much time you want to spend on it of a morning. Maybe your husband could go with you, have a chat with them before booking an appointment, many hairdressers will have seen bad haircuts and have clients who have had something done that wasn't what they asked for.

I completely get this as someone who struggles to go to the hairdresser and hasn't been in 6 years. 

I had one were I used to live in England, and we moved the town over and I kept going as I was comfortable there. Then we moved to Scotland. I managed to try one after a year, but I tried to go too short and my sister told me not to do that again and I was mortified. So over a year later, I went to someone different but they barely cut anything and I didn't know how to say it wasn't what I wanted so was too hard to go back. Then it was the pandemic and I was kind of glad it normalised not going and cutting your own hair. But that didn't last of course, and I've tried phoning other places but was told that weren't taking clients (I think they didn't like the sound of me and I was trying to get my kids a haircut), and years later I couldn't even get through. I wasn't strong enough to try again this year. 

Now with the diagnosis, my husband says he can call for me (I struggle with phonecalls), but I need to find somewhere I want him to try, as I have to like the look of the place on street view. And hopefully get the kids in too as my son currently only lets me cut his, but he's going to high school next year and I want to give him a chance at not looking like his mum does his hair. And my daughter is 8 and never been so I want to show her it's okay. 

It's so so hard isn't it. Can you get someone to give you a trim till your regular person can do it? Or maybe get someone to help make an appointment/ go with you to help?  It's a real genuine struggle!