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Giving and recieving gifts

Kenny_1622

I have a problem giving and recieving gifts, it just doesnt feel like a normal thing to do. I feel like i have to act or be a certain way or im obligated to do something. Its difficult to process it, anyone else have similiar issue 

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  • I find it really difficult as I hate surprises and I don’t know how to react. I try to provide the expected response but as it’s dependent on the type of present, I don’t think I always get it right.

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    Same for me- I hate being surprised! I’ve found over the years that giving my friends/ family a list of exactly what I want is so helpful, and being told if they got it or not. It’s taken a while but now they know not to get me things that aren’t on the list, as they understand that it’s stressful for me. 

    On the other hand, I love giving gifts, but only if I know the person is going to like it. I find I make a lot of gifts for people because I want them to know I value them, and so putting time into making something is my way of doing that and showing appreciation. 

  • in reply to _Poetchi

      and  
    Is it okay if I hi-jack your conversation slightly, as you both mentioned hating surprises. My daughter is like this, hates surprises and not knowing things (she's 8). I was wondering if you get this for other areas besides presents? Such as she will look at the back of a book first so she knows the ending, and that makes the story more enjoyable for her.  

    I was just curious as I'm a rigid rule follower, and the idea of getting things out of turn goes against my nature -I still remember the christmas I was 5 and my mum wanted to let us all open a present early and I didn't want to, and in the end was made to by everyone else so as not to spoil the fun. So I am curious to hear the other side! (although you might not have any other examples)

  • in reply to ArchaeC
    ArchaeC said:
    That’s interesting and perhaps the subliminal messages through media and society contributed to your self-imposed rules

    Yeah, I can't quite remember the formation of that rule, though it could have been everyone always saying you had to wait till Christmas, so that was fairly black and white for me! By 9 years, I was actually in charge of hiding the 'secret' presents, as my mum knew I would make sure they didn't get opened before the day! 

    I'm not as fixed on other traditions as growing my mum did lots of different things for Christmas dinner, so I'm okay with change there. This year as my son has started having a preference for vegetarian food, we are going to do a nut roast, though still doing a roast on the side as my daughter might not be keen. 

    Oh un-announced visitors would be terrible, thankfully we don't really have any of them! My family normally arranges it, and I don't really know anyone who would 'drop in' thankfully! Not having the correct hosting items with have me in a spin, I'm normally one of those hosts who over-offer everything in my nervousness to make sure everyone else is comfortable!

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    Thank you, this is really insightful. It's been a learning curve not imposing my way of being on her, and realising that she it isn't just 'cheating' reading the ending first, but actually helps with anxiety! I can see how it activates fight and flight now.

    That's interesting about knowing the presents too, whenever I say I've got her a surprise she doesn't like it, so I think I might start being more respectful of her needs more!

    Thanks for the insights, I will definitely ask more questions when they come up!

  • in reply to Monkeyclogs
    Monkeyclogs said:
    people turning up announced is a massive thing for me

    It’s a terrible thing, and other people sometimes don’t get it. I rarely have anyone coming to my house unannounced now. 

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    people turning up announced is a massive thing for me. people rarely do this to me twice as it never occurs to me to invite them in let alone offer them a drink. I realise after that I should have but instead it's an akward doorstep thing. I'm also terrible if I meet someone by chance out of their usual context.

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  • in reply to ArchaeC

    people turning up announced is a massive thing for me. people rarely do this to me twice as it never occurs to me to invite them in let alone offer them a drink. I realise after that I should have but instead it's an akward doorstep thing. I'm also terrible if I meet someone by chance out of their usual context.

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