Masking positive traits

Yes, I still experience this embarrassment in knowing about things!   

1. It has the added benefit that people cannot read you easily. If I was meeting someone for the first time I might be masked or semi masked. This may be advantageous in certain situations. I tend to keep a lot inside, sometimes I splurge information (I’m not sure if anyone’s listening) things usually when I feel visible. I don’t like being watched, jogging cooking making art even at work, I perform better if unseen behind the scenes or at least feeling shielded. People often steal ideas literally and verbatim, even on this site it can be an echo chamber, this is a normie trait so be aware how much value you’re giving away to these people who want to be seen as the originators (influential or powerful or for attention) they are probably not autistic,  NTs require everything out and visible working as a team to strip this. 

I have to hold back from counting things out loud and talking too much about my specific interests when in the company of certain people. I have learned that not everyone wants to listen to me talking about the usefulness of new models of neolithic figurine classification, dog behaviour and welfare, or historical and geographical accuracy (or lack of) of events and places mentioned in religious texts.

I remember in the run up to A levels the school decided to run some sessions on past General Studies papers. General Studies at O/A and A level was a thing back in the day. The exams were rigorous in themselves, but it wasn't a subject that could be taught as a course or revised for. Going through the past papers was in the format of a teacher reading out non-essay type questions and there being about a dozen of us trying to answer them orally. I then found that I seemed to be the only one who knew anything outside of what had been taught in class, or previously at O level. I remember being acutely embarrassed because it was a choice of a long pause while no-one answered, or me answering and looking like a 'know it all'. I would let the pause go on in the hope that someone else would answer, until the silence became too much and then I would reluctantly answer myself.

It was a conflict between my hard-won knowledge concerning allistic norms about not 'showing off' and the unbearable pressure of those pregnant pauses.

McFrost said:

I had a very important piece of information that could really have contributed to the conversation, but I held it back.

I get this - sometimes when you chip in with the info you get grief for either being a know-it-all or for making them reconsider their assumptions. Both cost you socially.

For the most part these days I just ignore situations where I am not expected to contribute and observe them at best. I used to get a nagging feeling that I should be getting in there and puting them straight, adding info to make their conversation accurate or whatever, but with experience I found it just wasn't worth the hassle.

I think it can be lack of confidence, it can also be fear of success, of being the one that every one turns to for answers. My brain stores so much random information that I get called "The Human Google".

Yeah, though I would practice it in my head several times to make sure I was going to say it right, and by that time the conversation had generally moved on, leaving me holding onto that little bit of important info and wishing I could have said it, but also relieved I hadn't joined the conversation and then been expected to say more.

You are right, and there was definitely a fear of being wrong that stopped me putting my hand up in class for instance, but what I am talking about is in more casual situations when I know I am right and don't otherwise have a huge problem joining in. It's the fact that I am right and might be considered weird for having such information in my head and easily accessible. Almost like people might think I had some sort of devious agenda and was making observations or collecting information for nefarious purposes. Sounds completely mad but that was the thought process! I am trying to let all that go and am doing quite well but it's still there to a certain extent.

I suppose so. But it is normal when you lack confidence. Everyone does it a bit when unsure.

You are scared of saying the wrong thing or other people's reactions.

1. It is a question of courage. If you try saying it, you may be surprised. It might not work every time, but that is the same for NTs, but they just ignore it. If you say something useful three quarters of the time it will be fine. Think of the times it works, nit the odd time it doesn't (which takes some practice).

I remember my parents almost forced me to skip lessons one time at school, together with my peers. I did it. It was painful. I was just forced to fit in, but it never worked. I've never skiped any lessons anymore. I have a very strong urge to do everything the right way (according to the official rules) but im blind to the non official social rules, which made many people angry,  as I found out. I'm just figuring out how it works and how I can possibly adjust to it.