I hate being autistic

Yes I do understand finding the right thing is challenging. I hope you find something that helps you though.

Thank you. Yeh I'm definitely going through I hate it phase. I dont see any good of it currently and it's hard to build a life where I can use my strengths when I'm already depleted of energy.

I relate to finding my limitations frustrating 

I love being autistic but understand not everyone feels like this. Yes, it can be frustrating at times when dealing with NT's but then I see sunrises that are so vivid they take my breath away. I notice details that many miss. I find hours go by without noticing when busy with a project. I love being able to problem solve by looking at the issue from all angles and seeing what might go wrong.  

I don't hate being autistic per say, in some ways I feel it makes me more interesting, like I have a special badge lol. What I hate is the normal things in life I have missed out on like adult friendships and relationships. Those are are not directly a result of autism, many autistic people have those things but I think it would have been a lot easier if I hadn't been autistic. Looking back at 10 year old me I was a happy child in a happy family, I wouldn't want to change that part of my life. I wish I had been more resilient in coping with the challenges of adolescence and adulthood. 

BlueHawk said:

I hate being autistic. I wish I didn't have this existence.

I only really knew I was autistic about 4 years ago, before that I just thought that life was this tough for most people.

My approach has always been a problem solving one. Life throws you lemons, you make lemon sorbet. 

I have yet to be faced with a situation where a hyper focus and deep dive into the subject have not been able to provide a way forward. Sometimes the way is difficult, painful even but the end result has been an overall improvement in the situation and a new skill to add to my toolkit for dealing with life.

I can't say I hate being autistic - it is a pretty pointless thing to do really. I may as well hate my white skin because I sunburn easily, my hairy chest because I sometimes catch hairs in my clothes and they get pulled or my big nose because it gets in the way in oral sex (both a boon and a bane I guess).

You have the existence so the best thing to do is make the most of it. Find ways to make your life more comfortable, learn skills to manage the worst of your traits and generally take control back so you don't feel a victim of it.

That would be my recommendation.

Thanks for your reply. 

I'm too old for education. I don't work. I can't commit to anything. Getting the right support is so difficult,  sometimes no help is better then the wrong help. I definitely need to change my environment. Thanks for your reply.

Both I think. Burnout.

Are you tired or overloaded which is making it seem worse?

It comes with ageing. You don't worry so much what people think. It's one of benefits of age ! I do simple mental exercises every day - The Daily Stoic. My day is very much planned with 'too do' lists, including chores I set myself each day, not too many. I write a recipe and comprehensive shopping list on a Thursday for the following week. That way, I know the content of each day pretty much - that is very calming,

It sounds like maybe you're trying to do things that are perhaps not compatible with your brain. I absolutely understand the build up of things that makes it feel constantly miserable. I'm wondering what it is you do - education, work etc? And what support you get? It sounds like you could do with a change or more support.

I'm slightly confused by this comment.

Nope, I think being NT would be boring.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I don't have the energy to reply to each of you. It's interesting to hear others experiences. Being autistic is currently not providing me with anything positive. It's debilitating. Everyday is difficult. It would be nice to just be able to cope with everyday things and cope with the constant noise, not be continuously misunderstood. Communication is just far too much for me. A lot of it is out of my control so I can't even do anything about it. Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. 

"Normal people watch football, and Strictly, go on holiday to the Costa dell Booze,  They think what they are told to think. 

For me, being autistic has had negative and positive aspects. It is part of me and to hate it would be to hate myself, which I do not do, though I sometimes find my limitations frustrating.

I have an extra decade on that.

And a failure to avoid the jolly old booze

I have moments of this, where I really hate it, where I just want my brain to function like a "normal" brain. It can be really hard and I'm so you're feeling that way. But I am also aware that autism causes the good things about me too. It's why I can be so incredibly logical and why I can take pure joy in learning about things that interest me or watching the same film over and over. But everyone has their own experiences and I hope yours get easier for you.

I have to agree with  Stuart333 with this one.

I wish I could have the optimistic and uplifting view of  Marianne72 .

Whilst I have achieved academic success and worked in a field that was my special interest the rest of my life has been a *** show. I guess how you feel will depend on when in life you were diagnosed. The later in life then the more trauma / baggage that will have accumulated.

Now I know I can hope to find inner peace but man its hard!