I made a promise that I feel I just can't break

Thank you and I'm seeing a therapist soon, he said he can help me, I just want some peace of mind 

DaughteroftheKing said:

Going to heaven is a good thing but only when God takes you, not a moment sooner. Trying to force yourself to go sooner, will not get you there

This view depends a great deal on your religion and the specific organised religion you follow. Most consider it a sin but there is a lot of discussion over the circumstances and capabilities of the person involved so it becomes a tangled mess.

There is a good explanation on this here  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_on_suicide

In the Christian old testament there are many cases of it being acceptable but once big, organised religions got involved then they wanted to put lots of rules in place to make people follow their ways of thinking (largely controlling the masses) and they found guilt was a tremendous tool to keep people in line, hence most of the current "rules".

The point is that while you may have faith in a god, heaven etc, the rules around what you describe are made by people who want to control you so are of questionable foundation so you need to decide what you believe.

Pheonix7 said:

When I was 7 years old I made a promise to my mum

If a 7 year old made a promise to you about such a subject, would you think them capable of making such a life altering decision many years later? I would not think anyone would so you should try to see it from your mums point of view and realise it was not a binding promise.

In your shoes I would try to find a counsellor or therapist who undestands autism well and talk things over with them - they should help you make sense of your thoughts and motivations and help you make an informed decision in light of this.

Dear Pheonix7,  

Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. It is good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.     

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support . 

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help  

If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In England, Wales and Scotland there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’ when calling NHS 111: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/   

Help for anyone struggling to cope  

• Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  

• Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393 for information and signposting (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday)   

• SANEline: 0300 304 7000 for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)  

• Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): 0800 58 58 58, for anyone who is struggling or affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts (5pm to midnight every day).    
• Shout 85258: a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone struggling to cope.  

We hope this is helpful to you.  

Kind regards 

Rosie Mod  

I loved every word of that, I don't know about the passport thing, I never heard of that, unfortunately I don't live in the UK but I'd love to live there, I went to school in London when I was 10 anI really enjoyed it, we moved back home to Ireland and I don't think it was a great move, I've never been back to London as an adult, I'd love to visit my old school, I don't remember the teachers okids now, I really hope life turned out really well for each and everyone of them, I'd love to live there but I'm afraid I might not receive the medical help I need because I'm Irish unfortunately, m saving up to go on holiday at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, maybe my consultant might know, he wants me to move away anyway because of the environment I'm in, he thinks if I move might have different views on life, I often fantasize about having someone to say please don't go because I love you, I thought I had that person and I said them words but I was left alone anyway, m sorry for sharing sad and negative stories, hopefully someday really soon I might get to say I'm really looking forward to the future  mind yourself and thank you 

I'll pray for you. Going to heaven is a good thing but only when God takes you, not a moment sooner. Trying to force yourself to go sooner, will not get you there. That promise is not good. Make a new better one. One to make the most out of evey day you are here. Try enjoy your mom while she is here too.  

It's great to be open about your diagnosis, thank you so much for doing that! thats a heroic thing to do. Being autistic is nothing to be ashamed about. It's just part of you, like brown hair or blue eyes of flat feet.... you can choose to celebrate it or keep it to yourself. You get to choose. I'm sorry people say these things to you, they are not doing a good thing. 

Morning to you, Pheonix7.

Welcome to our community.

I wondered if you knew about the National Autistic Society "My Health Passport"?

I mention it; as I have found it a way of feeling a bit less "on my own" when dealing with healthcare professionals - particularly, if I don't have someone attending a medical appointment with me.

You can note down any of your medications, ongoing health conditions and things you might find helpful or difficult, your requested reasonable adjustments too - so that the medical team can know more about helping you - without you having to keep explaining yourself each time (which can be of assistance if you are feeling anxious, stressed, depressed, or experiencing discomfort):

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/physical-health/my-health-passport

I think it is a good idea that you are starting to get to know our community here. 

Please don't worry about potentially offending us here - as we have, between us all, because we are all different ages, a lot of different experiences of life (before, during and beyond assessment / Autism confirmation). 

It can seem like a lot of news to take in, all at the same time.  Please don't worry about that either - you can definitely work through everything at your own pace - when you are ready - to suit yourself and what you experience in your life.  

Families and communities can be rather odd in their behaviour and in the things that they say when they are adjusting to important news about someone they know. 

I am sorry you experienced that - and I am sure many of us here are likely to have had some experienced a bit like yours too (we do understand how that can sometimes make us feel, we know each person is different, but we can imagine the situation as well).

Sometimes, hearing that someone has had their Autism confirmed can be a bit like that too.  It can seem bhg news to people and they don't all react to it the way we might have hoped.  People can shock, or surprise, us a bit with their behaviour or by things they say.

It can feel like they haven't worked out how to update their thinking.  That is not for you to worry about either (it is for them to think about some more and work upon themselves).

Your energy actually needs to serve you best - by paying attention to yourself - as you think, learn and feel more about your own Autism news.

Sometimes, when we are younger, we may say things to relatives which are promises to loved ones - to either help them feel better, or, they are perhaps really another way that we have said to a loved person: "I love you".  

I have thought about what you described to us and I believe your promise those years ago to your mum was a comfort to her (at a difficult time in both your lives) - that she should definitely know that you do love her. 

She will know, today, that is true - you love her. 

Even when people are ill and find it difficult to speak with us - they still can feel how we are towards them in our thoughts and how we act around them to let them know our feelings - including without use of spoken words.

Even in confusing times, when it might be difficult for them to show us or say to us how they feel - they can still be comforted by trusting that we care about them.

When someone we love eventually does go to heaven, we continue to think about them, learn to love them in a new way and we still talk about them - as they have been an important part of our earlier lives - and they continue to be so once those relatives have gone to heaven as we continue living our own lives.

We find ways to live the new version of our own lives, still holding our loved one in our thoughts and feelings, as we continue living our own lives - as they had helped us to learn how to do so.

I am pretty sure that; every mum, from every country in the world, from every time - now and in history, has shared this ambition as the number one thing on their list of important things to achieve:

- mums all try their very best: to help their children to live the best version of their own life (both when they are there to share in it too, plus, continuing forwards - by us still using the experiences a mum was able to share with us before - even once a mum has gone to heaven by themselves).

Mums, everywhere, like to think that they have well prepared their children for life, to be healthy and to be happy. 

Those achievements are a common point of love and respect across all communities and cultures.

I believe an important way to show our love for relatives who have gone to heaven - is to find our own new ways to live out own lives afterwards - building upon the foundation and skills of what, in their own love, those relatives had shown us how to do in our earlier years.

Now that you know a little bit more about your Autism and what it means for you personally, (we here will likely be a mix of Autism similarities and Autism differences), you have the opportunity to build some more life knowledge into your own life story moving forwards. 

Your new Autism knowledge can help you to add to, and build upon, and further use: the skills and knowledge your mum loved to show you how to live life well.

When my Autism was confirmed; I felt it was a chance to make a promise (a bit like that) but to myself: for me to learn about my Autism and apply that understanding to finding the ways to better live a life more suited to my revised understanding of myself. 

I am Autistic and I find that I continue to learn more ways to adapt towards that goal. 

I may not have my loved ones available to me on my life's revised journey - but that shouldn't put me off building upon what they loved to show me how to do when I was young - and then my putting that combination into practice.  OK, I might not get it right first time - it is fine - I can amend things and try an improvement again another time.  (I make the rules).

I wish the same for you too in your life moving forwards (I would think it likely that your mum, like most mums around the globe, would approve of that too). 

Best wishes.

p.s. it is OK, for each of us, to ask for help when we need it ("shame" has absolutely no place in it - when people need help - help being shared is all that counts - and good people in each of our communities know that is true - it doesn't matter who helps us - it doesn't have to be a relative - it only matters that everyone helps each other to the best of their capability).

You're not annoying anyone and there is nothing to  be sorry about 

I do think you should talk to a professional about this topic and your fears.

Something happened recently and I reminded her that she doesn't need to fear death because I'll be with her all the way and she just smiled at me, please forgive me for sounding like a lost cause even though I am, I just can't sit down and talk to anyone about it, believe me they're certain people that would insist I go through with it and they're others who would probably have me signed away, tonight is one of those nights where I feel terrified but tomorrow I'll probably feel ok about it again, I'll leave you alone now and hopefully I'll be back again tomorrow, not to annoy you or anyone else, I'll probably just read stuff, once again I'm really sorry, goodnight and god bless 

Tell her that you love her now. And ask if she remembers the promise. I bet she doesn't. Ask if you can join her later.

I promised her when my grandad passed away and she was crying so I just made that promise, I feel if I break it now it will show that I don't actually love her and I do, don't get me wrong they are times I wish I didn't make it and they are times I'm glad I did, my head's all over the place really, hopefully there is still a lot of time left for both of us 

Aww don’t be sorry. Just know your mum loves you and you should be grateful to have a mum like her and it’s great she stood up for you. I also feel like nothing but I just go day by day with doing what makes me happy. Though I admit I do have rough days where I can’t do it but you have to ride that wave out I guess. You are not nothing at all please don’t think that. Your mum definitely wouldn’t think you’re nothing so please dont think you are nothing ok? You take care of yourself x 

Don't be sorry.

I'm pleased your diagnosis helps you to understand yourself.

I'm not sure it will change other people's behaviour much though, unfortunately.

Do she ask you to make the promise, or was it your idea? Also do you think she wants you to have to go at the same time? Maybe it will be ok to join her a bit later.

Is it possible you could forgive your younger self for not fully thinking it through? You are not an expert at 7. You were small and s ared of being left alone.

She's the only one who always stood up for me, and without my nieces and nephews I'm nothing now but thank you, I'm sorry for the negativity, take care 

Hi! First of all. I am also big believer in heaven and afterlife and I have not been offended in anyway there. Even if she is ready to go to heaven, you will join her one day, but make most of the life you have first. You don’t have to go at the same time. Also I’m so sorry your family have said that about you! You should not be ashamed for having autism at all. You are who you are and they are the ones who should be ashamed for saying such a thing. If that’s how they are going to treat you then it’s probably best if you lose contact with them if that’s possible? I hope you feel better soon