I made a promise that I feel I just can't break

When I was 7 years old I made a promise to my mum that when she goes to heaven I'll go too, many years have passed and I have to admit they are days when I'm terrified because my mum has Alzheimer's now and then they are days when I feel ok because my problems that I face in life and the absolute chaos that goes on in my head will be over, I was diagnosed with autism a few weeks ago and at first I thought it was good because it helped me understand certain things that I previously couldn't, I announced my diagnosis because in truth I thought that the people who threaten me as they pass by in their cars might stop when they know why I'm me, I still don't know why I'm me but I don't like it because some members of my family said that I should be ashamed of myself and I can't see my nieces and nephews because I brought shame on them, these are the days I want to leave because it's killing me anyway, I don't know why I'm posting this, I'm really sorry if anything on this has offended you, I'm sorry 

Parents
  • Dear Pheonix7,  

    Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. It is good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.    

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support . 

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm:https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help 

    If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In England, Wales and Scotland there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’ when calling NHS 111:https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/   

    Help for anyone struggling to cope 

    • Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  
    • Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393for information and signposting (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday) 
    • SANEline: 0300 304 7000for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)  
    • Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM):0800 58 58 58, for anyone who is struggling or affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts (5pm to midnight every day).  
    • Shout 85258:a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone struggling to cope.  

    We hope this is helpful to you.  

    Kind regards 

    Rosie Mod  

Reply
  • Dear Pheonix7,  

    Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. It is good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.    

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support . 

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm:https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help 

    If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In England, Wales and Scotland there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’ when calling NHS 111:https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/   

    Help for anyone struggling to cope 

    • Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  
    • Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393for information and signposting (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday) 
    • SANEline: 0300 304 7000for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)  
    • Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM):0800 58 58 58, for anyone who is struggling or affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts (5pm to midnight every day).  
    • Shout 85258:a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone struggling to cope.  

    We hope this is helpful to you.  

    Kind regards 

    Rosie Mod  

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