Seriously, why can't NTs just say no, or they don't know. Why so they just ignore you or not respond?? If you don't want to do something, there is a very simple word to use... No. Instead they leave you in limbo not knowing. I'm probably supposed to know that a lack of response means no, but my brain insists I can't say for sure until I get an answer. If this just me?
I was told about it early on in my trips to Skye by someone who'd lived there for many years, I doubt I would have picked up on it, not just because of the general problems picking up social cues because of ASC, but because it's not something I'd ever come across before. Some people get really angry about different social cues and refuse to "pander" to them, I don't see it as pandering, but as sensitivity and fitting in with the dominant culture, it seems such a small change to make, and actually I quite liked it, theres less pressure to instantly agree to something before you've thought it through and you don't have to say no outright.
I've also had my right to say no to things removed from me by others, often male others and some people ask what you think or what you want when actually they're asking for your agreement on something they've already decided and put in motion. The rows start when you totally disagree with the whole idea anyway and say they should have asked you to begin with before putting the thing in motion, the answer I usually get back is 'I knew you'd say no' and people wonder why I don't want to be around others.
A former boss of mine used to say ‘we’ll see how it goes’ to mean no. Used to make me laugh after a while.
agree that no malice is intended but do think it’s either someone who doesn’t like confrontation refusing to just say no OR the person is a bit more selfish and would rather save face themselves and leave you feeling confused than just say what they mean. Minefield
There's two things. The first involves measuring priority.
We can't demand others make up their minds on a thing immediately, even if that's how we've been treated. Not saying this is the issue, but something to remember.
Second, there is a sort of social conditioning in some cultures that enforce 'directness' as offensive. Which is one of the more critical complexities and polarising differences between Autistic and Non. I have theories as to why this is, but suspect it may have to do with a broader issue around difference in communication and how one matures. All children have a difficult time with understanding unless they're given a hard yes or no. Typical children are then given the rules to social ambiguity which can then be translated through other informal codes. Meanwhile, Autistics are just left with ambiguity.
Regardless. I have simply learned as I've gotten older to state what my plans / actions will be without a definitive yes or no. And have had to learn I do not owe allegiance to anyone who is not proving through action their commitment to me.
It's a word with deep cultural connotations, many people are afraid that they will lose face if they say no, one of the things I learnt about The Highlands and Islands of Scotland is if you'd like a favour from someone, you don't ask outright, so if you wanted a tractor for a day on thursday, and the person you were talking too had one, you wouldn't ask them out right because they'd be obliged to say yes, so you say to the universe, I really need the loan of a tractor next thursday, f they and their tractor were free they'd say yes if not they have the option of staying silent.
Don't forget a lot of people won't take no for an answer and want to know exactly why you've said no and will really put pressure on you to change your mind, it's an uncomfortable position to be in, especially when it's a social situation and theres a group that all want to do something and you're the one that dosen't.
Well, you would have got arrested in my position 
Yeah, I agree no malice is intended, but if I heard 'best not to' I would assume there is still an option.
I'm the same, if it's by text I'll take some time to decide but I'll always give an answer. I guess without an answer things finish unfinished in my mind, and if someone says they 'think about' it I assume they are actually thinking about it. Apparently that means no in NT language.
It’s a good question and some good answers here. I don’t think it’s necessarily an NT thing but maybe more a societal thing like SpikeyNark mentions below with Japan.
at times I personally have struggled to say No because I didn’t want to appear to be rude or anti social. I am trying to minimise now saying yes to things that may cause me stress or anxiety. Too many times especially on the spot I have said Yes to something and instantly regretted it!
I think Number is right. Maybe it's better to assume "no" and maybe be pleasantly surprised.
But don't ever assume malice. They aren't trying to trick us (usually), It's politeness.
I saw this taken to the extreme in Japan where "no" is rarely uttered. I asked a policeman if it was OK to do something, which I realised was a big "no", but he still only did "it's possibly best not to" gestures.
No - it's not just you. I always presume the answer is "no" to any question that I pose that isn't answered (as per your OP point.)
I have found that, presuming a "no", avoids disappointment!
To be fair to ALL those NT's out there, I suffer from an equal but opposite problem to not being able to say "no"...ie.....I am able to (aka compelled to) say, very bluntly (but always kindly) NO - in no uncertain terms. Some people can cope with outright honesty.....(and sometimes even admire it)......but most just take it to mean that I am a *~*~.
I think that we autistic types REALLY value honesty and open and clear exchange of views/opinion/information.........so we find it hard to know why others seem to want to "hide" their feelings......especially when WE can often tell what they are thinking before they do (if we can be honest with ourselves and are blessed with an ability to 'see.'.)
You raise a good and important point here Cloud44......I hope others will chime in.
