What confirmed your own autism suspicions?

Ironically, the official diagnosis was what 'confirmed' my Autism suspicions. I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia about 2 years before the Autism diagnosis (through university; I actually applied for dyslexia screening).

My suspicions first 'really' kicked in about a year before the Dyspraxia diagnosis; I happened across a video of an Autistic female sharing her experiences with train accessibility, and her mannerisms in the video felt like a mirror, and this really hit me in a way I couldn't explain; thus my understanding and research in Autism began, the more I learned about it (especially with how Autism presents in females), the more I realised how wrong the stereotype was, and with every piece of research, I became 'more' sure, not 'less'.
Then came the life bombs, where every single thing that I couldn't explain before suddenly made perfect sense!

But it took the official diagnosis to decipher between Trauma and Autism; I was lucky enough to see a psychiatrist who was extensively trained in both, and she said I don't fit the profile for someone with Trauma, but instead a 'Traumatized Autistic person'. This was very much the distinction I needed to get over the imposter syndrome (which I believe was born out of internalised ableism from poor medical opinions over the years).
I was also diagnosed with OCD and Alexithymia, and they strongly recommended I seek an ADHD assessment too.

Safe to say, my assessment was very helpful in clarifying and distinguishing things. Not only did it help me, but as it turns out, my family had at least 5 generations of strong Autistic traits, every single person, not one of them diagnosed!
We just assumed it was trauma, or because life was hard and you had to 'soldier through', no one ever stopped to connect the dots until me, probably due to all the health issues that prevented me from soldiering on.
    

Hi Violetfred,

Welcome to the forum.

Even though I haven't officially had my ASD diagnosis yet (still waiting on NHS list), I've pretty much self diagnosed myself for at least 2 years now - but here is how I realised I (potentially) am.

My parents and I do a lot of volunteering for St John Ambulance (SJA) and I am in charge of a youth and adult Unit, but my Dad does a lot of the traiining for both the Cadets (10-18) and Adults (18+). About 3 years ago, my Dad was training a Cadet Course on Mental Health and on one of the sessions - it was about ASD, ADHD etc.

He knows I enjoy listening to the training, but what I hadn't realised was that one of the video's that my Dad had included in the training, would actually be my 'lightbulb' moment. As I was watching the video, I realised I had so many of the traits this ASD person had - and I was mentally 'ticking the boxes' in my head. About 3/4's of the way through the video, I quietly slipped into the office, where my Mum was doing some of the HR paperwork and closed the door...the conversation went kind of like this...

Me: Mum, this might sound strange, but I think I might be autistic.

Mum: Honestly, Dad and I have thought that for about 15 years now.

Me: (in shock), Why the heck didn't you say anything before?!

Mum: Because, knowing how you can be like when it comes to medical stuff, we were worried about how you would react if we stated it to you. But lets make an appointment with the doctor, so we can set the ball rolling - it can take a while through the NHS.

Me: Almost everything on that video that Dad was showing, pretty much sums how I feel about myself and has answered a lot of my questions, I've had in my whole life. I wish you had said something before hand when I was younger...

Mum and I were speaking for most of the evening and I said the same thing to Dad once Cadets had finished - he said he had planned to put the video up as he knew I was interested in the course and he hoped that the video would resonate with me...it certainly did.

So next morning, I made an appointment to see my doctor (who I must admit, is probably one of a few medical professionals I actually trust enough to get on with) and when I went, he even confessed that he had suspicions of ASD with me, when my parents spoke of it a few years ago...again my jaw dropped to the floor...

So, he gave me the links for the AQ10, AQ50 and the RAADS tests and I scored 9 on the AQ10, 45 on the AQ50 and (even though I forget the total number) I scored highly on the RAADS test as well.

I am just waiting for my official appointment with the Adult Autism Unit in my area (over 2 years later), but even without that, the video my Dad showed me pretty much summed it up for me to be honest.

OK...I am actually surprised on how much I typed here (mind you - work is completely dead today), so I will leave it now.

Hope that helps what confirmed my suspicions Violetfred - and best of luck on your own diagnosis.

Mweekie xx

Other than several of the friends I've developed being either Austic or ADHD, other than people telling me they think I am...when I trained to teach they had us all take the AQ50 so as teachers we had some insight into the kinds of indictations of autism we might see in our students. I scored 48 in it so...hard to argue really.

I literally had my assessment yesterday through Right to Choose, and it still hasn't quite sunk in that I am autistic yet (officially I mean). 

I spent over 50 years knowing nothing about autism and never seeing a link to me. I’ve always known I’m different but just didn’t know why?

In the end you just believe you are fussy or shy, whatever that means. A lifetime of people telling you not to be like that doesn’t help. 

I was working alone in my workshop as usual, a radio station presenter was interviewing two autistic people and asking them how autism affects their lives, all of a sudden my life made sense, about 80% of what they said was me. It was by complete accident that I had listened to the radio article. 
I couldn’t continue working, the research started immediately, I listen to a lot of audiobooks by autistic authors, some lines stuck with me of always feeling on the outside and looking in, knowing you don’t belong. Still little pieces of the puzzle occasionally fall into place. So for me it was that one event that started it but no one thing that confirmed it. Many things then confirmed it and still do.

I wish I could. 

where i from I forgot to answer, if there is a privte chat I can say. I don't want here but I'll be happy to tell in privte.

pupi said:

it seem that if you autistic you are - I don't know how to say, so i'll use - "good boy".

There are plenty of "bad boys" with autism. A few people on here have matched this label in their lives (even me) where we break societies rules, can do illegal things, treat people badly etc.

It is possible to have more than one neurodiverse condition so your traits may be partly explained by autism and partly by another condition (eg ADHD, bipolar etc).

It takes a trained and experienced professional to work out what is the situation so I would try to find one with a LOT of experience and work with them to find out.

Once you know exactly what your situation is then you can work out how best to deal with each of the things causing you problems.

thanks that's what i mean. I think that a lot of what I read, and some youtube channel, miss this. they talking about "side efects". I had a lot of diagnozies in my life. they tried to understand what it is... now I think it cant be autizm. it look like. but it's not. I have all the things that written, but it seem that if you autistic you are - I don't know how to say, so i'll use - "good boy".
maybe I'm alien

Suspicions = feeling different in an unspecified,  intangible way but knowingly. 

Confirmation = Tanya marshal "missing a conversation gene".

thank you, of course.

hi. I did all the web tests, got high score but web test.. if you try for example to do HDAD test, or another, I think they will show almost same result. if you had never heard about autistizm but you know about bpd for example. you'll read people talking about it. you'll find somthing that will fit, than you'll look at the rest of parts and you will tell yourself maybe more than one thing is fit. becouse the reason you start to read or do web tests is you not feel like others. 

the line meet people from other cultures - I think it's in some web tests! I never understood what the meaning. travel or talk.

For me it was what turned out to be the autistic meltdowns and it was my wife who first suggested I test for autism. I would regularly reach a point where I could not function or interact anymore and would either explode in uncontrolled rage or withdraw for days at a time. My poor wife was utterly bewildered by it and to be honest, so was I. Once I knew I was autistic then a whole range of other experiences over the course of my life began to make sense. 

Hi Pupi and welcome. May I ask where you live and what your first language is? I used to teach English to speakers of other languages, and I like to meet people from other countries and cultures.

There is a test we use in UK that we call AQ50 which gives a good indication if someone is autistic. Do you know about this test? If you take it and get a high score, it is likely that you are autistic:

https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

Everyone is welcome in this online community - whether you are autistic, think you might be, or are just interested in autism. Please ask any other questions you have.

pupi said:

do you mean that the "test" is how much it affected my life?

Yes - there is a good explanation about what the criteria are:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/assessment-and-diagnosis/criteria-and-tools-used-in-an-autism-assessment

The traits will have to have a "serious" impact on your life and you have to show a wide enough range of these traits to reach the level that gives an autism diagnosis.

The reason for this is the diagnosis is a label for you being disabled - and you can then use it to help with getting help for it.

pupi said:

I can't understand how someone have family,

If you mean someone having a partner and children then there are quite a lot of people here who have a partner and sometimes children.

My experience (note I am not a professional in this area) is that autistic people who do have children often have a lot of problems from this. Part is due to their ability to cope with the impact on their life and the other is the fact that their children are likely to be neurodiverse themselves and can become difficult for them to manage.

thank you. do you mean that the "test" is how much it affected my life? I always think this should be the question. I can't understand how someone have family, becouse it mean he did all the way for that. in other hand you can be outsider - it depend the spesific socity.. ("my definition" - I'm not speak english so maybe I use wrong word)

pupi said:

can someone be weird - not autists.

If you mean can someone be weird but not be autistic themselves - the answer is yes.

Autism, or more accurately neurodiversity is a spectrum condition so there will be lots of people who have some autistic traits (which could mean weird in your definition) but are not seriously enough affected to be considered autistic.

The diagnosis of autism is what I am referring to here - you need to meet a threshold of enough autistic traits at a serious level to be given the diagnosis.

The issue here is you could have one person who is only 1% less affected than another and only one will be given a diagnosis. It is a flaw with the system but there is not a better system available yet.

but can someone be weird - not autists. I try askng for myself. what was till 20 years ago. where is the line. 

of course. I notice that I can be great when it's the first time. after that people start asking, becouse it's the way to know someone. than I have no good answers. I lie or become weird. it's like a human ruler. people will think you're great - if other people will think so. If someone pay you big salary they will think you worth it. if you have a lot of friends they won't think I'm werid they will think "he make fun". I don't want to play in a game that I can't win it. but I must say I don't sure if it's asd.

 pupi  greetings. Thank you for your correct words. I am who I am. I cannot change my nature. But we live in a world that I do not understand. Being human is about connecting with other humans. If I cannot do this on my own terms, I need to make a kind of 'safe mode', bare bones  version of myself that is capable of connecting although it is just on a superficial level, it is better than nothing. Be safe

Emmalephant well said. the data analogy was maybe a bit clunky. the last thing i want to say is that we're androids (haha) i meant it in the sense of someone who is uniquely different, striving to understand everyone else (and in some situations, being baffled) in my case, thinking i am not enough of a person to warrant someone else investing the time in ME. that i am not worth the effort.