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Responding to someone who is very blunt

NAS95866
12 days ago

What is the best way to teach your children how to respond to an autistic adult who is very blunt and opinionated? It comes across as being very rude although it is not intended to be that way. 

  • 12 days ago

    I think this autistic adult should hopefully be aware they're talking to children, but may need reminding depending on what they're saying. As for your kids, I think it's important to teach them that being direct and blunt, while it can sound hurtful, doesn't have to come from a place intending to cause harm. But again, that depends on what's actually being said to them.

  • 12 days ago

    My friend Pat is extremely blunt and to the point, she's about as subtle as a brick in the face!, As far as I know she's not ASC, she just does it and has no understanding of how others percieve her words, it dosen't help that she has a very RP accent. But she's lovely, a very kind and principaled person, who intelligent and good company, it's just that you will alway get a totally honest opinion from her, it's quite refreshing.

    But I can understand how hard it must be for younger or more sensitive people to be around someone like that.

  • 12 days ago

    An "Adult" is an authority figure. So this is tricky.

    It's often best for an adult to discuss this with the other adult. Some rules which have taught me how to be less blunt involve: 

    "Learn to pause." Our immediate reactions as autistics can be intense and out of proportion for others. Learn to take a breath, remember this so we can employ Reason and not be Reactionary.

    "Practice affording Dignity" Rule number one. Even if it has never been afforded to you. Trust is earned, Respect if given.

    "A Truth out of context is a LIE". Speaking a truth without any love, which invovles kindness, consideration and respect is no longer a truth. Most people can handle truth as it is liberating. What most people cannot handle is being bulldozed or razed or dominated by a party who "appears" to get a little ego boost out of having knowledge they might not. 

    "it's not my job to play G-d". We cannot know all the motives and intentions of others. It's better to first gain understanding of what we cannot know or see by asking genuine questions which 

    "Don't create resentment." Most of us don't 

    "Yes, it's hard work. You'll have to do more than a fair share. The very best of clinical psychologists spend their lives trying to build resources so we can Respectfully help others." While you don't need to get a PhD, do Be Bothered to understand how you might impact others if you'd like to have an influence in their lives. 

    As for children? They might not remember or might be too scared to attempt to respond back in ways that 'train' the adult how to use Ethics and Aesthetics to win their loyalty. 

    Hope this helps.