Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, this is my first post on here! But would just like to hear other people’s experiences with loneliness while being neurodivergent. I’ve found that after I received my diagnosis I have gradually started to unmask little by little and now the limits to what I can and cannot do without exhausting myself are becoming a bit clearer. Because of this I think I have inadvertently/accidentally isolated myself, I also feel as though the friends I had before do not necessarily understand the change. However, this could be due to my own anxieties about the matter, whether they are based in fact is another thing in itself. I would like more neurodivergent friends but now feel so separate from the social scene that I have no idea where to start or how to initiate a conversation without feeling horrifically anxious. What are all your experiences?
I do find life can be lonely at times. I live alone and have invited people round for coffee and promises are made but not kept. I do have a good friend and we meet up for a cafe stop and also cycle with a local club. Like many autistics, I can be lonely in a crowd, struggling to fit in. Having a speech impediment does not help. I often struggle to get my words out so that makes it even harder to speak in a group.
I do manage to visit London from time to time and have tried to get people to come with me but to no avail. It can be tough on my own but I do push myself and enjoy theatre visits there.
The first time I came to London from Ireland (even though I’d lived for 3 years in Dublin) was on 25th June 2002 on my own, only spending one night there off an evening flight on Aer Lingus into Heathrow - it felt like being on another planet with red post-boxes (ours are green) I had €800 Euro in cash but had a job to get Sterling at that hour (I still love the look of Sterling, bit like the Irish Punt and I still hate Euro to this day) but I had no idea where on the Tube where I was going, was very anxious and nervous made worse by arrogant and rude tube staff and the heat and smell of the Tube (as I was so used to Irish fresh air) with an outdated copy of Spartacus gay guide for London, had a meal in Piccadilly Circus (last tube) got lost halfway up The Mall, was directly underneath Big Ben at the stroke of Midnight (those bells scared the living daylights out of me) eventually found Balans Coffee Shop in Soho, went round on the Circle Line trying to find Euston for the train to Manchester (after refusing a taxi ride from a taxi driver who terrified me) found a peak time Virgin train to Manchester at 7am for £97 Sterling Single (in 2002) then headed straight for Canal St gay village and stayed the first 2 nights at The Rembrandt Guesthouse, so London is not a place to visit alone - I’ve went home for the last 23 years on the ferries from Holyhead to Dublin from Manchester and it’s been a much better experience than flying on SailRail
I'd love to go to the theatre more too but I've been intimidated at the idea of going alone. I'm glad you've enjoyed it! Maybe I'll be brave enough some day