Loneliness and autism

I realised this year, I don't have a single friend, which was startling because surely everyone does? I love being alone, it's the only time I can relax, but I think I feel lonely when I realise it's not 'normal', and I'd like to have the ability to socialise and to connect. It's knowing I can't, more than the being alone, that makes me lonely 

As some of the others have mentioned, I personally never feel lonely, in terms of needing or desiring a relationship with or the company of another person. However, I do often feel alone, in terms of being without a protective herd or group of people around you that can drown out negative inner and external dialogue with positive external dialogue, or having a person I can share a happy moment with, or someone I can call on to be an advocate (like when you go to visit the GP fr mental health concerns and you get stuck with yet another 'professional' that clearly doesn't know the first thing about what it's like living with autism, let alone being queer and trans and living with persistent depression on top of that).

The first time I came to London from Ireland (even though I’d lived for 3 years in Dublin) was on 25th June 2002 on my own, only spending one night there off an evening flight on Aer Lingus into Heathrow - it felt like being on another planet with red post-boxes (ours are green) I had €800 Euro in cash but had a job to get Sterling at that hour (I still love the look of Sterling, bit like the Irish Punt and I still hate Euro to this day) but I had no idea where on the Tube where I was going, was very anxious and nervous made worse by arrogant and rude tube staff and the heat and smell of the Tube (as I was so used to Irish fresh air) with an outdated copy of Spartacus gay guide for London, had a meal in Piccadilly Circus (last tube) got lost halfway up The Mall, was directly underneath Big Ben at the stroke of Midnight (those bells scared the living daylights out of me) eventually found Balans Coffee Shop in Soho, went round on the Circle Line trying to find Euston for the train to Manchester (after refusing a taxi ride from a taxi driver who terrified me) found a peak time Virgin train to Manchester at 7am for £97 Sterling Single (in 2002) then headed straight for Canal St gay village and stayed the first 2 nights at The Rembrandt Guesthouse, so London is not a place to visit alone - I’ve went home for the last 23 years on the ferries from Holyhead to Dublin from Manchester and it’s been a much better experience than flying on SailRail 

Having worked 30 years in supermarket retailing and coming from an Irish Catholic background as an older gay man, living 23 years in the U.K., I’ve always been trained and conditioned to like my own company and to live alone, which has stood me in good stead over the years, so it is a case of moderation and balance in all things - I’ve always been in customer facing roles and I try to come across as being quite classy in my interactions with other people, polite, respectful, dignified 

I like being alone but I don't like *feeling* alone. Communicating with people here and elsewhere online helps a lot. I do parkrun, which means speaking with people about a shared interest - whether the people I speak with consider me as a friend is debatable, but at least I'm not in the house all the time!

I'd love to go to the theatre more too but I've been intimidated at the idea of going alone. I'm glad you've enjoyed it! Maybe I'll be brave enough some day

Hi! I was diagnosed earlier this year and the main reason I sought out the diagnosis was that I never feel like I fit in anywhere. I basically have 3 friends that I have known since I was at school and then acquaintances at work etc but I don't know how to make new friends. I am still living with parents at 28, largely because the idea of living alone really scares me and would be very expensive. I'm asexual and find dating really hard so I'm single. I can't figure out how to get out of my current position, is anyone aware of any autistic or autism-friendly social groups or associations? I like the idea of being able to go to events without the commitment of having to go every week and hopefully I could make friends that way.

I do find life can be lonely at times. I live alone and have invited people round for coffee and promises are made but not kept. I do have a good friend and we meet up for a cafe stop and also cycle with a local club. Like many autistics, I can be lonely in a crowd, struggling to fit in. Having a speech impediment does not help. I often struggle to get my words out so that makes it even harder to speak in a group.

I do manage to visit London from time to time and have tried to get people to come with me but to no avail. It can be tough on my own but I do push myself and enjoy theatre visits there.    

Hi - congratulations on your recent diagnosis and welcome to the community!

The NAS has some great advice about how to meet new people, initiate conversations and make friends. It also includes links to further resources:

Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

You might also find it helpful to read some blogs / articles on the subject, such as:

The Autistic 10-Step Plan to Making Friends

7 BEST TIPS FOR MAKING FRIENDS AS AN AUTISTIC ADULT

I have no friends where I live. Generally I have only one friend, she lives in another country (I moved abroad). My experience (my whole life) is that when I’m in a crowd of people I feel lonely and overwhelmed. When I’m alone I usually feel good but not lonely - I actually crave solitude because I have husband and child, I’m often busy and I’m doing my best and they still need me more. It’s weird, I would like to have a friend here, but I feel I have no capacity to start and keep the friendship. I think neurodivergent people are much more interesting than most NTs (just my opinion) and I have good topics to discuss with them. 
I’m not sure if and how much I have masked / unmasked, but judging on how often I still hear the question of my life “what’s wrong with you” I would say I have never really masked hard and there was not much to unmask. I’m not professionally diagnosed, I accidentally self realised around half year ago. 

Hi! I'm new here too. My experience with this is coloured by the fact that most of my friends are neurodivergent too, so we all understand that sometimes people may not be able to socialise and we work around that.

Saying that, I do get the loneliness part because I've tended to go through my life only really having one 'main' friend at a time. Most of my other friends are people I have met through this main friend. So I have periods of self doubt where I think "oh they don't really like me, they're only tolerating me because I hang out with so and so." 

I tend to be more open now about my socialising capabilities. Before, I would just ignore myself, and 'push through' the wall and end up burnt out. Now I build in that I might need to leave early,  but that the alternative is me not going out at all.

It is hard to make new friends if you are somewhat socially isolated. Some people make friends through work or hobbies, but that has never really worked for me, as work colleagues I feel that we will maybe hang out together but it never seems to progress beyond that. And most of my hobbies are fairly solitary pursuits anyway. 

I have one new possible friend that I am meeting up with for coffee again, and we get on really well and both love walks and art and stuff, but even she is someone I know through a former uni friend. This friend had said this girl was coming to study in my town and didn't know many people so could I maybe meet her for coffee sometimes.

It definitely sometimes feels as though if I'm not hanging out with my main friend, I have no one else I can call to socialise with independently. Like, we might do something as a group, all together, but a one to one activity or just meeting for a cuppa wouldn't necessarily be on the cards.

Anyway, this is just my experience. I'm afraid I don't have much advice for you as I'm still struggling with it myself. If I find anything that works, I will let you know!