Neurodivergent confusion?

Hi and welcome.

I am a big fan of "busy day" followed by "recouperation day".  In our busy modern lives this might seem untenable - yet, if you decide to yourself to be bold about doing something essential / challenging / experimenting with un-masking strategy on a given day - but then try to mentally afford yourself a reserved time in which to regroup / recharge from your efforts and energy expended - I find that helpful. 

It also can give you the thought space to reflect a little on quite what on the busy day was more successful / not quite so successful as hoped. 

There are not points to be awarded for overstretching yourself.  In your own style, you are trying to learn how to pace yourself into becoming comfortable within your new Autism-friendly style.

One aspect I have somewhat struggled to: observe / realise / accept / adapt to (still a bit in the early phases of un-masking myself): you might not always have the same reserves available from which to experiement with un-masking.  That can be a bit confusing as for some situations you might actually not be able to follow through with the intended un-masking approach.  Perhaps you had a prior poor night's sleep, maybe the environment / scenario / busyness and noise of people around you put you off balance - whatever it was - not to worry - there will be future opportunities to try another time.

I have been experimenting with ear plugs / ear defenders / active noise-cancelling headphones in different situations.  It is a very personal thing so it is not easy for one person to recommend something which will definitely work for another person.  I find it a challenge that whatever I have used to date really does not adequately totally block the racket I am trying to avoid.

Therefore, for me, sometimes a chosen distraction also may work well.  For example, I keep an old no longer used favourite dumb mobile phone and old-school standard stringy earbud headphones in my bag or rucksack when I plan to pause in a coffee shop on my travels (or the chatter I would prefer to avoid while waiting for public transport etc.).  I chose that old mobile phone as it has a good battery life, clear audio and it has an excellent performing radio when used with the stringy earbuds.  Rather than trying to totally block out the chatter and noises of the coffee shop - I am choosing to focus on a noise of my choice - selecting the radio station and volume which best matches my mood and inclincation at the time. 

I have better tech, smartphone and music devices available etc. - but it would irritate me to have that music or podcast or audiobook etc. intruded by the inevitable surprise noises of the cafe.  It is sort of a matter of "don't worry so much about that inevitable other stuff you are going to be able to hear - instead, try and concentrate passively more on this chosen thing which you like".  

I just live with my partner. We are very laid back, and we just take our time to do things. If we're not up to doing a task at the moment, then we won't do it during that time, and we'll just go back to it later when we have the energy for it. Running errands just means a nice walk to the store at non-busy hours, buy some things, and come back home. 

I usually set automatic payments whenever possible. I made the end of the month as "the sign" to spend like 10 minutes to do the "adult stuff" and pay things off, before I resort back to my childish ways. 

I think that having your own systems and methods in place that works for you, would be better than doing things on everyone else's time and expectations of you. I mean if it's work or a job that's different because they're giving you money to do tasks for them, but if it's for home, why would it be structured like a work environment? Where's the rest and recuperation you and everyone else needs? Yes there's things you need like food and some basic neccessities, but it shouldn't be doom and gloom to get those things.  

Yeh I managed stability with the use of meds and developing discipline with age and maturity. Just getting out there and experiencing things kills anxiety over time. Being in the house all the time feels good at the time but it does make things worse long term. I am quite outgoing and extroverted though. Crowds excite me I get that not many people on here feel the same way that’s fair enough. 

NAS95392 said:

This journey has been painstaking, confusing and just downright exhausting.

Welcome to the site.

I would suggest slowing down the pace you are unmasking as the impact seems severe.

Many here have been going through their unmasking journey over the course of years in order to manage their own mental health so it may benefit you to change the pace to match the energy available for the challenge.

Also remember that sudden changes in behavour tend to make other people nervous so going slowly is less likely to make you appear out of character and hence have people asking if you are OK.

NAS95392 said:

I feel as if every basic task, visit, errands, even just sound of my busy household pushes me into a deep burnout/meltdown.

This does imply you are not preserving enough energy to function normally - my advice would be to put it on pause, take time and indulge in the things that let you recharge and then start again when you feel good enough to take another swing at it.

There are some things you can do like wearing noise cancelling headphones to reduce the impact of noise etc - let us know where you are struggling and we can give you a few pointers if you wish.